Bully for me!

Carrot cake is stupid. Mixing vegetables and cake is like mixing business and pleasure.

It's not a sport, it's an activity.

This happened to me once. My friends and I were drunk so I ordered Dominos. I couldn't tell whether the order went threw or I forgot so I ordered Pizza hut.
They showed up at the same time and it was really awkward.

You should see my peace*ck in mid flight.

So I have a pretty sever case of tic disorder, GAD, panic disorder, and OCD. I've been approached by cops on multiple occasions because they think i'm tweaking out on drugs.

My dad absolutely despises going to musicals, the opera, concerts, plays in general, museums, cooking classes, health spas and things that are generally seen as more feminine. Despite that, every week for as long as I can remember, my parents have had a date night where my dad takes my mother out because he knows she loves it.
Love is doing something you hate because it will bring happiness to someone you love.

So I can trace my paternal lineage back to the 1600s using a family bible and records. My parents used to make me and my sister research that history and write papers/make presentations. We called it family class and I used that term like this: What are you doing tonight? Oh I have family class, thinking people would know what I meant. I was under the assumption everyone had family class.
One day when I was 14 someone asked me what that meant so I told them. And that was the day I realized that literally no one else has family class.

Tell that to the National Instant Criminal Background Check System (NICS). I gave a wrong number when reciting my social security number and was barred from purchasing said firearm.

The ability to create the internal combustion engine is only found in one species... What's your point?

I own pink shirts and pink pants. I like girls and girls like the confidence.