[Kaching intensifies]

Technically Space is the fastest thing in the universe, with no limit known yet.

It's a pretty great post, yeah.

We need to go Bark... Bark to the future.

Congrats on the marriage. A shame neither of us were invited.

I genuinely can't tell if this is sarcasm or not, but I hope it is because it's a very exhausting joke. Even "Why did the chicken cross the road?" had more interesting and funny variations.

Scatman:
Ska-badabadabadoo-belidabbelydabbladabbladabblabab-belibabbelibabbelibabbelabbelo-doobelidoo

I just wanna Za Warudo.

I know right? I read a story once that featured a magical artefact that gave you ultimate control of the universe, except for your eye colour which it makes pumpkin orange as a signifier of holder.
Wacky eye colours are fun, if the glasses didn't cost my soul I'd absolutely use them for that purpose and that purpose alone.

Evil(TM) is boring. Become a Megalomaniacal Bystander(TM).

The Ring is hella OP. Why it made the list.
Ain't a huge fan of the "unrivaled self confidence" bit, sounds like code for "Massively egotistical fuckprick" and Not A Fan.
But the rest is worth it.

The spectacles are cool in concept, but I really don't give much of a shit about seeing other people's thoughts or inner workings. My soul is worth more than fancy green eyes.

Just put a picture of the same sex in the locket.

AYY
GENT
P