Kids are great, saw my nephew after halloween (was Jason) and he took his machete and laid it on the couch with a dog with a amputated leg (from a previous injury) and looks at me and says "This is a machete in its natural habitat"

Lazy Adam thinking "you are God, should have made my arms longer"

You the real MVP

Thought it was going to be a joke about him actually getting a meal

"Hook Em" is their logo, did you?

What's the chick in the middle doing with her hand and that grin on her face.

I do it before bed, then don't sleep because I feel all the symptoms.

You an artist?

Cat may be full.

" I don't care what otters are doing"
I be the otter

Look at the post signs, they went to the correct lane.

War would be so much better with weed landmines and the area covered with doritos and chocolate chunks.

I failed, ate a pistachio, cashew, peanut, and an almond.

Vegan voting polls.

We are all going to need small EMP grenades

Florida man?

I have actually seen pink ones and blue ones at venues, never new it was needed.

Open the door, brush your hair back and walk out with all the feminism you got.

It's a Trap!

Just tell her "You know this isn't the beach, right?"