The back windows of my Toyota are manual, the front ones are electric. I hate putting my kids in the back because they will wheel those mothers down like they're a spy dropping a drawbridge for an invading army. It'll be raining and blowing a gale and I'll be "Wind that window up! Wind it up!" and they'll be suddenly unable to operate it and crying because they're getting wet. Every time. "You put the window up daddy!" they'll cry and I'll be like "What am I, Mr Fantastic from the Fantastic 4 with magical stretchy arms that can reach all the way back while I am driving? No I am not!"

I guy walks through an airport carrying two suitcases when he's stopped by some dude wanting to know the time because he's late for his flight. The guy puts down his cases and starts using his smart watch to tell him the time, then look up the dude's flight details, book the dude in and select the dude's desired seat. "That's amazing," says the dude, "Where can I get one of those smart watches?". "Actually," says the guy, "it's a prototype that I made, but it's for sale if you want it, $3000 and it's yours." The dude buys it, straps it on his wrist and starts to head off with a cheery wave. "Wait a moment!" says the guy, "You forgot the batteries!" and hands him the two suitcases. (An oldie but goldie).

This is on par culturally with introducing kids to Wagner in the 1957 Bugs Bunny cartoon "What's Opera, Doc?".

Never seen this show, don't know what it's trying to do, don't know if it works or anything and so I'm probably talking out of my back side, but the first thing I thought was when I saw this was "Remember kids, bullying is wrong and totally not acceptable in any way shape or form. Unless it's done to a bad person, then it seems it's totally okay."

(I always feel like I should write these explanations in a really small font so it doesn't detract from the jokes, but here goes) ... Fridge is a shortening of refrigerator which is in itself a word coming from refrigerate (from the original latin word refrigeratus - to make cool). So it should have been shortened to "frige" which would have had a hard g. But some people believe that a popular early brand of appliances called the "Frigidare" (from the latin Frigidus - cold) is the source of the shortening and altered form "fridge", not refrigerator per se, and the pronunciation then fitted other similarly spelled word s like hedge, wedge, nudge, ridge etc.

Technically (although probably not practically if it's ever tested in a court of law) William the Conqueror's 22nd generation great-grand daughter (Queen Elizabeth II) owns all of England. There was a parliamentary response to this question in 2009; "The Crown is the ultimate owner of all land in England and Wales (including the Isles of Scilly): all other owners hold an estate in land. Although there is some land that the Crown has never granted away, most land is held of the Crown as freehold or leasehold."

What was that license plate stuck on with, Blu-Tack?

If you want to make someone stop and pause for a second ask them what Simon's Cat is called.

If you use the "stopping the bullet" analogy the woman fires one shot (the egg) and the man fires millions (the sperm). On a biological level it's easier to stop one bullet than trying to stop millions of bullets. That's the problem with male birth control pills, you might stop most of the bullets but it only takes one to cause a problem ...

My nephew is nearly two and not talking so I spent an entire afternoon teaching him just one single word. His mum and dad were not impressed. What's their problem? HODOR!

Good guy Ronaldo yes, but if you're thinking that you could never ever be as generous to put it in perspective he earns nearly 50,000 Euros ($68,000US) in one day.

"Home of Chode ..." I looked up Chode and found out it was Middle English for the past participle of "to chide". With this high level of impressive language skills Evan Sucks Big F*cking Dick High School District seems like a great academic body and get's my thumbs up and tax dollars.

Erm, not to put down the impact of the event but the Wounded Knee Massacre didn't happen in a school it happened at Wounded Knee Creek per se. Take care. If you embellish history people with their own agendas you will call into question all of the original events.

Next female animal we get be it a guinea pig, cat, dog or miniature donkey will now be called "April Ham Lincon". Ohh, we've got to get a pig to make it work even better.

This reminds me of fun fact about thunder and lightning in film and TV. In film and TV you always have thunder and lightening at the exact same time where as in reality you get the lightening and then a pause before the thunder (depending on how far away the storm was because light travels faster than sound). That is except for one movie which did it like you'd experience in real life with a flash, pause, pause, pause, then thunder. That film was ... I'll tell you tomorrow. Not really, the film was Star Wars Episode II (the fight between Jango Fett vs Obi-wan on the launchpad).

Rigor mortis wears off after 72 hours and as everyone already knows you don't have to be hungry to eat. (Pumps pump action zombie slaying crossbow). Just sayin'.

"A bit of a pickle" can also be replaced with "We're in a bit of a jam". This can also be replaced with "Everything's gone pear shaped." The New Zealand term is perhaps "It's all turned to custard." I'm suddenly feeling a bit peckish for some reason.

Any one else thinking that it's kind of reassuring that it's a big stack of notes for med school? I'd be worried if it was just a couple of A4 ring binders and a spiral notepad to be honest.

When I was a kid I thought a light sabre would be cool because I could fight bad guys and stuff. Now I'm an adult and I still like the idea of fighting bad guys but mostly I think about using one to easily trim bushes and trees and stuff. Hours I've spent trimming hedges and sh*t when if I just had a light sabre it'd be buzzzz, whizzzzz, done.