I call bullshit. I chased the ice cream truck this afternoon, got less than 3 driveways from home and I had to stop before I had a heart attack.

Me: But today is not that day.

I saw that coming.

What do I do with this information?

Chonk demon

Nek minnit, Aaaron shows up.

Aussies: is he talking about a bouncy castle?

Left photo: I wanna grab his cheeks.
Right photo: I wanna grab his number.

Back then you’d drop your phone and the battery would fall out. Now you drop your phone and your heart falls out your asshole.

Am I good boi? Am I??

Did she eat the mirror?

Only Karate. Indecent Despicable Creep.

Anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough.

Everybody liked that.

Great movie that. The Colour Skerple.

I’ve rented all 3 before.

No, it’s a leaf.

So Jon is really eating all that lasagne himself???

Sweet dreams are made of cheese.
Who am I to diss a Brie?

I’ve always wanted to drive a red porch.

Later that night they fucking like rabbits.

I broke my leg in 2 places when I was 7yrs old.
I never went back to those places.

I remember that one.