Then wash it.

Needs a banana for scale.

Where’s your head at?

Two cute birds in one video I’m digging it.

Gotta stop dating serial killers, sweetheart.

That’s a sin, not a tragedy.

I brought a lemon to knife fight.

Pretty sure that’s Ryan Gosnig on the right?

This one time I was going going on my gf, and we made eye contact, and the crazy bitched actually waved at me!

When you wake up from a BIG night and your wallet n phone are missing, but Alicia Keys are still there.

My dishwasher talks to me. Makes me coffee. And sometimes even plays with my pee-pee!

Baby, get IN!

Sorry.
I thought we had something special.

Is it the Fkn alternator again??

Your parents??? I can only see MY parents. Are you my brother?

Attendant: Would you care for an orange juice?
Me: If it needed me.
- Carl Barron

Mona Lisa.
Mona Teaser.
Mona Frizzer.
Mona Pizza.

I am a master baiter.

Shit fam. I’m 6’4”. I ain’t gonna be no good to you then.

She needs Milk Money

Don’t you mean, Weird Al took Paul Rudd’s daughter trick or treating?

I always remind myself, I’m just a meat suit with a motherboard.