purplepumpkin · 1 week ago
So I'm having a really crappy day. I have Tietzte syndrome, which means one of my ribs is deeper than the others and doesn't connect well with its cartilage bone. This causes inflamation, aka pain. Sometimes it hurts when I do cashier-like lateral movements or lift heavy things, today it hurts randomly, mostly but not only when I breathe too deeply, and I can't even use my left arm to lift a soothing cup of tea.
I told my mom I was gonna ring the osteopath and the only thing she thought fit of saying was "well you can't take an appointment that isn't at most 2hrs later than your dentist appointments because you dad is tired and won't wait that long" (Drs are in my town but I'm spending August at their place and only my Dad can drive). I fully know he's been pretty sick and tired these days but I expected a bit more support and certainly not a guilt trip for wanting to breathe painlessly.
I was already very sad she doesn't give a duck about me finishing my Master's thesis a month early
purplepumpkin · 1 week ago
so I could spend August with them and before that back during the lockdown I was very hurt when I told her I had finished my manuscript and she brushed it off like it was nothing, then told me "What, I know you were writing it and arriving at the end, did you expect me to congratulate you like a little child?" Complete with sarcastic clapping. I'm crying as I type that because I'm not over it, I had been waiting for that moment for 4 years and yes, I did expect congratulations or at least acknowledgement, something.
I'm feeling really tired and somewhat lonely, I know my Mom has been going through a lot and has a huge stress and anxiety she physiologically can't deal with, but I'm 23, I can't always be mature and deal with everything on my own, I'd like to be able to rely on my parents. And even for stuff I'm taking care of myself, such as searching legal help to get money back from my dick of a driving instructor, she's just pressuring me about it or I'd do a mistake and repair it,
purplepumpkin · 1 week ago
But I'll still get a "I don't understand how you could do that"...
I can't be perfect, but I cut 4 classes, never drank, had a cigarette or did drugs, the fact I was gifted created a lot of problems at school and a lot of my parents friends, even family, were jealous and gave us shit for years, but that's not my fault. I know sometimes I'm annoying, I don't do my bed and rant about my dad listening to the radio 24/7 or my mom yelling too loudly even though she can't fully control her voice anymore, bottom line is I'm trying my hardest and I don't really know why anymore.
Ok thank you for putting up with that, I needed it out.
purplepumpkin · 1 week ago
I also know I'm hypersensitive and my parents never mean to hurt me
cakelover · 1 week ago
Good for you for writing it out
It doesn't solve the problem, but it does help you think about it and reduces stress
jmmcclain · 1 week ago
Hope you're okay
purplepumpkin · 1 week ago
Yeah I am writing it makes me able to move on. I'm going to delete it later if I can.