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This post is linguistically inaccurate and overly complicated. America is short hand for the United States of America, United States is short hand for the United States of America. People all over the world (from first hand experience) know what you mean when you say you're American. If anyone is referring to the continent they say either North America, South America or the Americas. (Also no one refers to Mexico as the United States)
Wikipedia, Webster and other reliable sources back this up.

As much as this isn't a fun or funny post, sometimes I think we need a little perspective... there are a lot of, OMG fat people are fat, my parents are terrible, why is school so boring, why can't people use turn signals (seriously why!?) ... I mean we can't be consumed by the terrible things... but it is good to occasionally be reminded that we should look beyond ourselves.

Right!? That makes me crazy.
People say this to my sister who is a lean muscular athlete and eats over 2000 calories a day. . I am curvy but eat almost half of what she does and I work out 2/3 times a week. We are both happy. We are both healthy. No need for shamming!

Is it just me or are those actually pretty ugly?

I have at least one person in mind for everyone of those buttons. I would post this to facebook, but I'm pretty sure they would know I was talking to them.

The secret is we all do that. We all struggle to find an identity and respond to social norms. We are pieces of who we meet and what we read.. being human is hard sometimes.

So kids, next time someone says the refuse to eats GMOs (and yes cross breeding is genetic modification - except without the careful lab testing) you can remind them that they could be eating sad pale watermelons <steps off soap box>

...the adipose joke >D.. love it!

Every child is special, they have the capacity to be amazing... but if they don't do anything about it ... then they become ordinary.... or worse and ordinary adult who thinks they are special.

Now should you run, or should you be telling them to run... because frankly I'm good with either.

Really well done. Looks perfect, but creepy as all get out... sometimes what is cute in a cartoon is massively creepy on your walk home at night.

This is a brilliant way to deal with a super uncomfortable situation....a true creative mind.

...at work... just made a terrible wheezy noise to hide the fact that I am trying desperately not to laugh out loud

This story is so beautiful

He also says "Harry Potter" ad nauseum through 6 books. So really the odds of those being his first and last words were pretty good.

Why is okay to make generalizations about white girls?

You have problems with my menstrual rage? You try shutting the f*** up.

Tell you what: I won't say "black girls are..." or "Asian girls are..." and you don't say "white girls are.." and that's the first step toward avoiding generalizations. Ta DA!

...Yea, she had to get home early, so her man wouldn't complain about her being out too late, or worry that she was hooking up with some other guy... However, I partied all night, slept like the dead, alone in my queen bed and ate cold pizza for breakfast...damn strait I'm happy!
(To the easily offended: relationships are fine, but so is being single.)

...only upvoted for the last comment... which was pure gold

Calm yourself folks. Star Wars broke the internet, but it has an international, cross generational appeal. Deadpool's fan base is really not that big... its just dedicated.

1. $23,000 to disappear? That won't even cover rent for the year.
2. They can stop payment on the check.

...I just don't understand how it happened. I eat less, I still work out... but my metabolism doesn't care

Love that! That line would TOTALLY work on me and I have no romantic side.

I call BS on the exploding alcohol...
1. It wouldn't explode
2. Unless the alcohol was already headed, it would have to be almost 100 proof to catch fire (50% alcohol). The kid would be wreaked and everyone would be able to smell the alcohol (it's actually the vapor that catches fire)
3. What teach drops stuff in your drink?

Dear posters, please remember the internet is full of gullible people who will not get the joke.
People, that is NOT what a burn would look like... oh ham dog.
(also points to docfester for "No, it's Becky")

I really don't understand...what is... so ..great..about... I think I'm in love...

That face! I love it!

That means I can come be a jerk to you when you are doing your job. Just hang up the phone. No need to be a d*ck.

The amount of time spent on writing this up could probability have been used to learn the information instead.

This needs to go away.... they aren't even good comebacks

It bothers mean that the internet is so hell bent on teenage girls enjoying life look like they are stupid... soon teenage girls will be in their 30's struggling with their slowing metabolism, getting their retirement account in order, facing judgement about whether or not they are married or how they are raising their kids, caring for their aging parents ... I like being an adult, but I wish I was a little more care free in my teens.

If you get your degree, you are statistically likely to make 1.3 million more over your lifetime than non graduates... Also, you can use it as a time to expand your mind to new ideas in an atmosphere where debate is encouraged and backing yourself up with facts is expected... Stop sh**ing on education!

Then you die.... In college I was poor and busy and I mostly ate Ramen for months. I'm a normally chubby girl, but I got thin and sickly... I looked bad and I started getting sick really easily. Only in moderation and mix in some veggies.

...pffft, I think there is something going on, but they are British, and as such are discrete in public.

Know your opponent's argument. It raises the level of debate and gives you a better chance of changing their mind. Instead you side making ridiculous claims about what the other side believes, alienating rather than engaging.
1. These people believe that marrage is between a man and a woman (right or wrong it is their belief, and we should respect it to the point it doesn't infringe on your rights.) 2. As men are the more aggressive gender, there is an underlying fear that gay men will be sexually assertive, as many strait men are, and men are not use to being pursued aggressively.

... or don't post lyrics on facebook... we all know the song.. it's not like you wrote it.

...or you could buy a car in your price range. I drove a sh**y car for 3 years so I didn't drown in debt. Then I was able to be a car I liked better with good fuel efficiency and a high safety rating... but no, you keep staring at your car as you drop you $400/month car payment in the mailbox.

Wow, that takes a pretty high level of petty. No wonder she dumped you.

... you're not being cheap, you just bought a whole bunk of rulers you don't want...that's just stupid.

First the comment at the bottom of the post is hateful and unnecessary.
But, don't expect me to know how you identify yourself and certainly don't expect me to use a third newly created gender pronoun. It's important to you, but maybe pokemon or baseball or Shakespeare plays are important to me.

There is an expectation that your body can go back to what it was before childbirth and for most women it won't be the same, even if they lose all the baby weight. It's like the next set of unrealistic expectations for women.