Comments

As soon as I wake up I drink rum 7 comments
guest · 2 weeks ago
I only immediately make my bed to prevent my cat from peeing in it. She's got a thing for blanket piles.
All the time 8 comments
guest · 2 weeks ago
Nope. The last time I went to the beach I barely left the water for the 8 hours that I was there. Just bobbed in the waves like an albino manatee.
3
Sad story time 11 comments
guest · 5 weeks ago
Condoms would have been cheaper.
If this is true, then much love for Japan! 5 comments
guest · 5 weeks ago
Sometimes elderly pets have elderly owners that die before them. Others may not be able to afford the care costs and have no choice but to give the pet up. Also, some people are assholes.
1
All aboard the banana train! 2 comments
guest · 5 weeks ago
Their kid is right there in the middle
Dogs are the sweetest 3 comments
guest · 9 weeks ago
*ex girlfriend
Dogs are the sweetest 3 comments
guest · 9 weeks ago
My exgirlfired had a Yorkie and I loved him more than I ever loved her
I’m guilty 56 comments
guest · 10 weeks ago
Mine is Ann. Just plain, boring Ann.
1
Monkey bong 64 comments
guest · 10 weeks ago
Monkey Song...
1
Nice Girls are not complicated!! 9 comments
guest · 11 weeks ago
We want flowers not out of obligation but out of genuine feeling.
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They did him dirty 11 comments
guest · 12 weeks ago
Armilla. My name is Miranda. I don't think they even tried.
Doggo is smarto 3 comments
guest · 14 weeks ago
I'm 30, my first pet died over 25 years ago. My dog don't know shit.
"Please try again later" 15 comments
guest · 14 weeks ago
I'll let you know when it happens.
1
Movie plot explained in one news article 5 comments
guest · 15 weeks ago
I'm not saying that it was right, only that I understand.
My neighbor's $15000 serval 26 comments
guest · 16 weeks ago
...or you can spend $30 and adopt an animal at your local shelter and save a life by doing so.
5
..Either 26 comments
guest · 16 weeks ago
Eh, dick ain't my favorite but it'll do.
10
Judgement of German food by the colonies 16 comments
guest · 16 weeks ago
The worst I've ever heard about the bulk of American tourists is that we're loud.
1
It's gotta be easier than figuring out those resume templates 3 comments
guest · 16 weeks ago
My current job was supposed to be temporary (6 months at most) and I've almost been here 6 years thanks to life happening and this stupid place actually being pretty decent about working with my schedule. Still looking to leave soon though.
2
Just like being a teacher 5 comments
guest · 18 weeks ago
Idk what kind of therapist you are, but mine charged 150 an hour and she was always booked up solid.
Where does he work? 10 comments
guest · 18 weeks ago
I'm here to help other people pretend like they give a shit.
This guy gets it 17 comments
guest · 18 weeks ago
Listen, a good bra is a busty lady's best friend.
1
Oof 8 comments
guest · 20 weeks ago
My dad bought a set of outdoor furniture marked for around $350. Due to someone's fuck up, he got it for around $3.50. That made his year.
4
It couldn't hurt to try? 11 comments
guest · 20 weeks ago
1. Take kid to doctor.
2. Ask doctor about this cool new thing called a vaccine
3. Vaccinate your offspring so they don't suffer and/or die from a preventable disease.
It's really that easy!
2
Do you know? 5 comments
guest · 22 weeks ago
Seen this story before. I don't think it's a special train, just a special stop along the route.
1
Up close, and still shooting 2 comments
guest · 22 weeks ago
Neat!
This just in 15 comments
guest · 22 weeks ago
Well, when you defund public education and things like home ec gets cut what else are people supposed to do?
I need a freakin vacation 3 comments
guest · 25 weeks ago
Someone please deliver me from this hell.
2
I need a freakin vacation 3 comments
guest · 25 weeks ago
*works at a call center* *laughs until she cries*
2
The four horsemen of the apocalypse 13 comments
guest · 27 weeks ago
Ah, ye olde youtube. To be fair, Smosh was the least terrible out of the four.
4
I need to use my bike more 8 comments
guest · 29 weeks ago
That's great and all but it's a 40 minutes drive to work and I have to go over a mountain at night to do it. I'm not doing that shit on a bike. At best I'll be hit by a redneck with a small dick and a large pickup.
4
Grandma is wild 3 comments
guest · 30 weeks ago
She's old, not dead
Animal sanctuary 13 comments
guest · 32 weeks ago
I legit did not know that cow's milk was bad for a fawn.
4
Jingles is all-knowing and all-seeing 2 comments
guest · 32 weeks ago
look at his little fangie!
Eyedrops 5 comments
guest · 32 weeks ago
For those who have trouble putting drops in, here's an easy way to do it. Tilt your head back and close your eye, then drip the drop at the corner of your eye and open it. It's the only way I can do my allergy drops.
What could be worse 27 comments
guest · 32 weeks ago
I really hope those guys get decent Christmas bonuses. I wouldn't want their job. The time travelers alone must be staggering...
"Judas hold your horses..." 7 comments
guest · 34 weeks ago
I believe (but don't quote me because I was dragged to church against my will and rarely paid attention) they're all depictions of the scene where Judas kisses Jesus to show that he's the guy that needs to be arrested.
worker of the year :3 2 comments
guest · 37 weeks ago
meow-sekeeping
5
Kill 'em with kindness 10 comments
guest · 37 weeks ago
Yeah, how dare you use available technology for your own convenience.
37
"I catch a rat half an hour after I wake up from sedation (wearing a cast)" 4 comments
guest · 37 weeks ago
Maybe the rat just got lazy 'cause he thought the cat wasn't going to be an issue that day.
Alternatively, they could live near/ in a farm.
1
Baby holding a kitten 5 comments
guest · 38 weeks ago
Some good parenting went into the kid not squishing the kitty.
1
Grab a history book 17 comments
guest · 38 weeks ago
Fact: people have been garbage since people were a thing.
1
Usa! Usa! 14 comments
guest · 39 weeks ago
... yeah, but are they wrong to pick the US first?
F for feels 6 comments
guest · 39 weeks ago
The only rule about crying is that, if you have to cry, don't be alarmed if I start crying too. I don't know how to emotion.
3
You're not broke 7 comments
guest · 39 weeks ago
You can be both.
To all Excel professionals out there 3 comments
guest · 43 weeks ago
off to find a YouTube tutorial I go
1
This is the worst 13 comments
guest · 43 weeks ago
Had an extremely vivid dream that I had a baby daughter. Panicked a little when I woke up and couldn't find her. Wasn't right for days.
9
Did anyone else do this? 5 comments
guest · 45 weeks ago
... Godzilla advancing on Tokyo?
Someone died 3 comments
guest · 48 weeks ago
Eh, your body usually only absorbs the amount of vitamin c it needs and will piss out the rest. It'll probably be fine. On the plus side, their risk of scurvy is down 1000%!
6
Happy birthday to you... I guess 4 comments
guest · 50 weeks ago
Hey look on the bright side, if you keep up this trend in 7 years you'll be a wizard!
Problems in 2018 24 comments
guest · 51 weeks ago
... I can't imagine that the population of Poland was left very diverse after the Nazi's came through.
14