This is fake news.

You couldn't be more disappointed at your lack of disappointment.

I think it may be bone, actually. Bone and gems.

Your good old American tax dollars fix the city.

Waiter, there's a cat in my salad.
But it's fine, I don't want a refund. Leave the cat.

Always double check something permanent.

No paparazzi, please. I mean, moo.

Orange you glad you don't smoke weed?
I think this is like a tangerine or clementine or whatever, but take the pun.

Could happen to anyone. You never know with fast food places.

What else could you want on your money?

Just don't give me raisins and we're square, lady.

And he is a good boy.

Also known by the street name, "Mary Joram."

Or in a desperate situation, a desk you could eat.

Whoo, check out that last name.

Relax, Satan.

He actually owns his own company now.

That would be an oil painting of Steve Carell.

Always find the silver lining.

When you play your dad on purpose.

Remember, you can't be nice to other people.
That's cultural appropriation.

Nothing describes my marriage more than this.

It's okay, baby snake. You're still adorable