Jason's just like "Look at him. Look at him and laugh."

And then there's the non-american part of the population that has no idea what candy corn is.
I had to google it to know what it is, and it looks kinda tasty, but I never had it so I dunno.

Get drunk -> do something dumb -> pass out from either pain caused by doing said dumb thing or alcohol -> someone takes passed out you to the hospital -> intoxication fades -> wake up -> see a nurse.
At least that's how I understood it, although you have a point that the intoxicated person doesn't always pass out and so they'd also see the ambulance medics.

Look at her face. She regrets nothing.

I don't mind working out because I like the adrenaline boost it gives me, but the constant shaving...ugh! And the heat, and the feeling of being constantly sweaty and gross. Especially when it's so hot you have to wear your hair in a bun because your neck would be sweaty af. My weirdly shaped head makes it so I look like crap when my hair is in a bun/ponytail so basically for me summer = looking like a sweaty potato.

I was just thinking about that picture from Spongebob where that one fish just casually walks around while being on fire.

Bromosomes before hoemosomes.
(Which is ironic considering they're a "key ingredient" in reproduction.)

>"only just"
Euuuhhh...what

I have a friend with a gender neutral name (unfortunately for him, the name is mostly used for girls while he's a guy, but in its root it's gender neutral) and he's one of the manliest guys I know. Of course that is only my experience and there can be hundreds of cases that show the opposite, but I think that a name is not a determining factor in one's gender identity or personality.
Besides, changing it is not even that hard. Hell, you could change your name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock if you wanted to, and nobody could tell you a thing!

Reminds me of a Czech legend about a monster that'd take bad children and kill them. Its name is "polednice" which can roughly be translated as "noon wench" or "noon woman".
One of our most famous writers actually wrote a story about this, where a mother warned her child about the monster, but the child didn't listen. Then, at noon, the door to their little village house suddenly opened and the mother saw a shady figure standing outside. She took the child to her arms to protect it because she realised the legend was true, but as she held it close, she suffocated it. Turns out the figure was actually the father coming back from work.
There's a bunch of really creepy stories in that book (Kytice by K. J. Erben) inspired by old folklore, if you're looking for a 19th century Central European creepypasta.

He looks like 20 years younger now.

What? No, no don't get out, come back and make more hilarious puns!

Just use your cursor, duh. More accurate and doesn't require you to hold your hand up for those five seconds.

I read the Elder and Younger Edda (basically the collection of Nordic mythology) and I know about Sleipnir but I totally don't remember any passage that'd say anything about Fenrir and the Midgard Serpent being Loki's children as well.
Although I might've been too distracted by that one story with Thor in a bridal dress to remember.

These guys are simply the best. Also, have you seen Franco and Rogen's parody of that one Kanye's song where he's doing Kim on a motorcycle? Hilarious stuff. Proves that not all Hollywood actors try to be unseen IRL.

Oh man at first I was like "wait, why is Lucy such an ironic name?" But then I got it. Flawless.

I'd skip to the ending.