Which is why it is a very muddled issue to legislate, for we can not know a person's intentions...most of the time. Discipline out of love where the consequence X, Y, or Z is the result of misbehavior A, B, or C can be an effective way of training children to be respectful, compassionate adults. Discipline out of anger, or punishment, however, can instill fear and quiet rebellion. Knowing yourself and your child is important in distinguishing the difference. If I am the type of person who will fly off the handle and thump my kids on the back of the head or ground them for a year, it would probably be best to delay discipline until I've cooled off and can speak rationally to the child about the offense. If my child is extremely strong-willed and does not respond to reasonable discussion, he made need a pop on the rear end to get his attention; or if he is extremely sensitive, even a slight pop on the rear end may hurt his feelings and cause him to withdrawal.
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· 10 years ago
Also, the offense and the age of the child are important to consider. If my young child reaches up for the hot stove, it might be best to smack their hand to protect them from danger and, likely, a conversation about the stove is hot and your skin is sensitive or time out really isn't appropriate. As children get older and can remember what they did that led to the consequence, losing certain privileges will be more appropriate, but telling a two year old they can't watch a television program today because they through a fit the days ago is not terribly effective.
To be clear, however, I will say that I think a parent should use alternate discipline when it will be effective. I think any parent who will first smack their child or who achieves submission from their child through physical dominance is just a bully. A bully picking on someone a fraction of their size without a defense. The difference, like I said, is lovingly teaching our children to be respectful, compassionate adults and molding outward behavior through fear and punishment.
7
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· 10 years ago
One last thing I thought of: you can only ever physical dominance over a child for so long, but respect can last a lifetime. If I've taught my children to respect me, they will listen to my years of wisdom long after they've grown taller, stronger, and independent of me. If I really want what is best for my children, I will want their attention and for them to seek my advice when they are teens and young adults and beginning to make more and more difficult decisions on their own. If I've only controlled them through fear, I will lose my influence. If I've taught them, however, that their decisions have consequences, like at three years old you'll get a swat on the rear end of you slam your door, at seven you'll wash walls if you write on walls, at fourteen you'll have restricted privileges If you don't do your chores and contribute to the family household, and at thirty you'll be living paycheck to paycheck raising kids during the day trying to finish a degree at night because you...
3
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· 10 years ago
dropped out of school to party, they will grow up to be adults who can make good decisions on their own because of reason, not fear.
I know I wrote a lot on this and it really isn't relevant now to a lot of you, but I know I'm many years older than a lot of users here and I've seen through comments that a lot of you have shitty parents. I just want to encourage you all that you don't have to be where you came from. You can have children of your own someday and break the cycle of abuse that you grew up with. Stay in school and don't do drugs. Trust me on this one--there does get to be a point where you get too San old to pull all-nighters. I know, I never believed it either.
Apparently when I was 3 I did something and my mom spanked me for it. So later I drew a picture of me and my family and I drew a big red X over my mom. My dad said that was my Italian heritage coming out
Before people over react, if you got spanked you could be scarred from it or could benefit. If you didnt get spanked our punished similarly, you could benefit from not having been or not benefit.
That's difficult for me to understand. My parents have used their physical punishments have worsened over the years. Hard to admit, but I still get spanked. It's really painful, and if I try to talk them out of it it only make things worse. Only a few more years until I get to move out of this hell hole.
you could always....and I know this sounds crazy.....NOT do shit to get in trouble to begin with? Maybe the punishments worsened over the years because they realized you didn't care about the punishment and did it anyway. Easiest way to "talk them out of it" is to not do whatever the hell you did to begin with. Trying to talk them out of it after the fact is just going to be seen as worse.
Yeah, I disagree with the "just be perfect" logic here. Often, unreasonable/changing/unclear expectations come with parents who also use worsening degrees of punishment rather then figure out the cause or motivation of misbehavior. Just upping the ante on punishments isn't effective parenting. It's about control and anger. And to be honest, spanking is really a punishment that should stop around 10 or before if it is used correctly.
Parents have to figure out clear boundaries, expectations and punishments WITH the input of their children. An example would be if a 17 year old says out to late on Saturday nights. A discussion on why the parents have a curfew and why they feel the time is appropriate. Listen to the teenager and allow for rewards, like a later time after 1or2 months with no problems. Let children decide on what they think is fair punishment for certain misbehavior. Like loss of car privileges.
Cloud, please ignore the guest, there's a difference between discipline and punishment and it sounds like your parents are near that line, or even past it. Keep your head up!
I have not been spanked but I grew to know how to respect others and so forth. But I have a brother that was not spanked as well. And trust me this kid needed to be spanked and even though he is in his 20's STILL needs to be spanked. I think it all depends on the child. Some kids learn from a talk, some from discipline, some like my kid (I have tried many other things but this is what works.) if you yell at them (never cuss words or hurtful, or cruel words, just raising your voice.), or time out, and then if all else fails sometimes a spanking on the hand for a small child and a good whipping when they are older. And I think any form of discipline should be used only when they are disrespectful, will harm someone or them self, or have harmed some one.
Yes, I believe that not all forms of discipline work on every child. Some are fine without spankings whereas others could benefit from it. A good parent will be able to judge that.
I've been spanked one time. It was one slap, with pants on, on the bottox. My father did it. To be fear - I flipped him of and told him he was a jackass, and then slapped my sister. I was 7 years old, and no one has ANY idea why I did it. I don't even know myself. I would have spanked myself if I was in my fathers place.
My mother never spanked me as a child. As a result, I suffer from a condition known as 'the belief that things can be accomplished without violence'.
My father hit me and yelled at me as a child. As a result, I suffered from a condition known as 'depression'. I also have chosen not to see him for 5 years. Please stop pretending it's so cut and dried, and that violence is always just fair discipline.
It just depends on the kid mostly. Some kids are good because they get spanked. Other kids, like me, would totally rebel if anyone laid a hand on me. ^.^ I won't say the way you raise your kid won't make a difference as to how they turn out; but for some people, parents don't make as big of an impact as they think.
Me and my sister were spanked until 8 years I think. (We didn't start getting spanked until 2 or 3) and we got a swat for how old we were. It was never violent or cruel. If we did something wrong our mom would just tell us to go to our room and wait. She would give us a swat and then talk to is about what we did wrong and why we shouldn't do it anymore. And I think it worked. Spanking doesn't always work for every kid because I know some that are extremely sensitive. But I have little brothers now and if parents stop spanking them when they are in trouble, then they are going to grow up to be total jerks. They always have conciquences for their actions. But it's not always a spanking. Sometimes they will get a time out or allowance taken away. They got all of their games and game station taken away for throwing a controller at the tv out of anger. Spanking may not work for everyone. But I don't like when people say that people who spank fail at being parents. That isn't always the case
I know I wrote a lot on this and it really isn't relevant now to a lot of you, but I know I'm many years older than a lot of users here and I've seen through comments that a lot of you have shitty parents. I just want to encourage you all that you don't have to be where you came from. You can have children of your own someday and break the cycle of abuse that you grew up with. Stay in school and don't do drugs. Trust me on this one--there does get to be a point where you get too San old to pull all-nighters. I know, I never believed it either.
Parents have to figure out clear boundaries, expectations and punishments WITH the input of their children. An example would be if a 17 year old says out to late on Saturday nights. A discussion on why the parents have a curfew and why they feel the time is appropriate. Listen to the teenager and allow for rewards, like a later time after 1or2 months with no problems. Let children decide on what they think is fair punishment for certain misbehavior. Like loss of car privileges.
My father hit me and yelled at me as a child. As a result, I suffered from a condition known as 'depression'. I also have chosen not to see him for 5 years. Please stop pretending it's so cut and dried, and that violence is always just fair discipline.