Aviva was saying maybe we could take our little somewhere else, so I found this dead thread. I think it's mainly because shik and catfluff jumped on the blep thread.
Yeah I read that after I posted this haha. I don't think shik is planning on going back to that thread, but fair enough. It's not like it makes a difference where we post about it haha
No, I was just saying Don"t get into a panic just to try and keep your star and catch up on everything. And me and Jason aren't going anywhere. Just want you to be okay and not stress
I've been wondering where you got off too, @aviva. I'm glad you're okay!! I got done with court today so I *think* I am finally ready to update you guys on the next chapter of my stuff. I will start drafting it out tomorrow.
Don't mind me, I'll just be over here, having absolutely nothing going on whatsoever <.<
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In seriousness I'm glad both of you are still alive and alright, if not perfect.
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Also not to stress either of you guys, but shikharizard mentioned to me that he did actually stumble across this post, but he said very clearly he has no intention of reading or hanging around as he "doesn't need to know what he's not wanted to know." I'm just putting cards on the table. I don't think he will go against that, but this is whatever you guys feel comfortable with. So we can try and find another post again if you guys want, or just stay here
@Xvarnah You misunderstood me haha. I was asking if it was bad that not much had happened. Also, I moved here because of the multiple interuptions. I‘m sure not just Shik has seen this. I can swear Shik is stalking us lol. Have no fear! I‘ll happily sue your snake so you‘ll have something going on ib your life.
@Jasonmon Thanks!! Is it good news?
@Jasonmon@Xvarnah
I got news. My dad called me yesterday. For the first time he asked how I was doing and if I was ok where I was. He then said he wanted to make everything right. He sounded like he was about to cry and he seemed sincere about it. My brother said he apologised for everything and wants to start over and fix things with my mom‘s family. He wants to take responsibility for our education now, and possibly withdraw all the lawsuits against my uncle and aunt. I don‘t know if he has really changed but I am willing to hear him out. He‘s the only parent I have left and some of my mom‘s family limit me(a couple of them genuinely love me but love their kids more. So we‘re basically second best).
That is amazing! I think you're smart enough not to trust him or go live with him, but if he's being sincere then it would be nice to leave the door open for a future relationship that wasn't overtly hostile.
I was starting to wonder if I'd accidentally unfollowed this post and was thinking I'd have to do wellness checks on you two before long. Glad to see you're both still okay
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As for your news, @Aviva, I agree with @jasonmon 's sentiment overall, although I'm afraid I'm a good deal more jaded than he is haha. Yeah, it'd be great if he's telling the truth, but from the sound of it your dad is manipulative, a career-liar/abuser, and prone to extreme emotional swings. I'd want to know what exactly he plans to do to actually make any forward progress (therapy? Medication? Etc) before I'd be willing to consider letting him take responsibility for things like your education (what does that even entail?).
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Sorry, I'm not trying to be a mood-killer, I just am very very skeptical. Even if he IS being sincere, that doesn't mean he's actually willing/prepared to go the distance.
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Still, I am glad that you're at least getting a bit of a reprieve from all the drama :)
@Jasonmon I won‘t go live with him. I‘d love him to prove his sincerity by actions and not by words. Over the years, he has been more of a speaker than a doer when it came to our future and our education and wellbeing. If he does not want to do anything but insists we go back to him, then I‘m out. I don‘t want that. Being caged just made me feel worthless and I had so many ideas and stuff. I lacked a way to effectively express myself. Even if my mom‘s family have their shortcomings, they still give me the chance to be who I am and have my own thoughts,etc. I want to believe my dad wants to do the right thing but I still will have that doubt about it. I won‘t get very close to him though because I have no idea what‘s on his mind.
@Xvarnah I‘m so sorry I did not respond. I completely forgot. So much has happened. I can‘t type it all now but please remind me to in about 12 hours please.
Thanks for being really sweet. Also, @Jasonmon , @Xvarnah was right about my dad(I guess momma bear knows best lol). My dad sued my uncle and aunt AGAIN. As of lately, we are being victimised for being kids to my dad(I‘ll explain when I can type it all out). The husband to the family friend I mentioned that truly cares about me spoke with my uncle on Monday and suggested that we move to a different state and start afresh. He has offered to help finiancially. My uncle is ok with the idea. I have so much to tell you guys.
Lemme type them out so I don‘t forget:
a. My grandmom and her maid/caretaker.
b. My eldest brother being “mugged“ by some guys in his school.
c. Having to remove two friends from my life.
d. A guy that wants to date me and help me out.
e. An update concerning my “evil“ aunt and the convo with my uncle.
f. Feeling used.
That‘s what I can remember now. Please let me know which you‘d want to hear first, guys.
Hi! I missed your update until now, @aviva. If you have time, I'm sure @xvarnah and I would be interested in hearing the whole thing. If not, what is affecting you most? I'd guess it would be feeling used and/or a guy that wants to date you and help you out? Either way, we're here!
I actually didn't get an alert until Jason tagged me either. But I agree-- whatever thing is bothering you the most is what I'd prefer to hear first. Swallow the frog
@Jasonmon You guessed wrong! :P Love doesn‘t bother me that much. I‘m more devoted to putting my life on track first. Most guys want the most attention in a relationship and if I do that, I‘ll still be off track in my life. The most pressing one is c and e.
@Xvarnah That‘s ok. Oh no! I won‘t take a frog near my face! (lol) :P
Okay just a heads up to both of you I'm only getting like every other alert to this post. Not sure why.
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@aviva haha swallow the frog was something I think Mark Twain said. Just means get the worst part over with first. Either way I look forward (kind of? That seems weird to say because it all sounds like it's been stressful, but you know what I mean) to your update
@Xvarnah Understood. And I knew what you meant about the frog haha.
I thought I had time to type out all my issues but my brother came home from a long trip and since we share a room, I had to adjust to his uncleanliness and stress. He is leaving later today and I should be able to type it out after then or early tomorrow finally. I‘m sorry I took so long to respond
( @Jasonmon )
Glad to know you're hanging in there at least, hon. And don't worry about taking time to respond, it's hectic for all of us right now I think haha. Is your brother gone now? How are you holding up?
@Xvarnah Ok. It's the weekend so I'll have some free time to type it out. And yes, he left on the 5th. I'm so much better, thank you. What about you? (And you too, @Jasonmon )
Hi guys! Things are...interesting for me. I'll try to type out a bit later for you, if you'd like. The fun thing I'm doing is rebuilding my old motorcycle! I'm waiting on a fuel pump and I think it'll finally be ready to hit the road. It's a Yamaha YZF R1. It looks like this, but with shiny wheels: https://images.app.goo.gl/RsQ3dLikaM6MiaBNA
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Other than the fun stuff, I requested that I be allowed to go home and they're saying "no problem" as long as I agree to register as a sex offender in the VI for the next 25 years. Lol. So now I'm circling the wagons and talking to lawyers again. Why does this stuff have to be so ridiculous?
It's been a bit hectic on my end but hope you two are still hanging in there
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@aviva I'm glad to hear you're doing a bit better and @jasonmon DEFINITELY don't agree to ANYTHING like that. You're better staying where you are for 25 years than registering as a SO. That's excited about the motorcycle though. I don't know much about bikes but It looks like a nice looking model
Okay, I am finally sitting down and writing out my update. I have been up to SO MUCH for the last few months. The last time I updated you guys, I was starting chapter 3 of my treatment. I just read through the end of the blupp comment chain to remind myself where we left off. I’ll pick up there:
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I went to court on 16 April to get my dismissed charges expunged off my record, but the state objected. My attorney said the DAs have too much power right now and in a year or two, I should be able to remove the dismissed crap off my record. For now, that means I’m stuck with my background checks returning awful things like “rape” and “luring a minor” while not being clear that those charges were dismissed.
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I had mentioned one of the guards having sex with a kid in jail. The kid was 22 or 23? The guard was probably in her early 30s. I have learned that 60% of prison rapes happen from guards to inmates. That’s craziness but being a prison guard would be an attractive profession for sadists,
so I am not entirely surprised.
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I mentioned a while ago that I was diagnosed with PTSD, which makes sense. I’m not a crazy person, rocking back and forth and shouting at the clouds. My PTSD just means I have to be careful around things that “trigger” me into an anxiety attack. I thought I was just having a lot of panic attacks, but it turns out I can think about why I am upset and I can easily trace it to a trigger. One trigger used to be the Under Armour logo, because one of the cops who arrested me was wearing an Under Armour shirt. So, now I wear those shirts and the logo is just a logo again. It’s weird. I keep finding and addressing things that freak me out, and my life keeps getting smoother.
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I finished my treatment. They said it would take 2-3 years, but that one person had done it in six months. The lady said she would consider letting me out in six months. I finished the course in two months, and she kept me for another month before letting me go.
So YAY! I passed the polygraphs (I have one more, I think?) and I had to write an apology letter to my accuser. Neither of those tasks were any fun but I have the big polygraphs behind me. And the apology was more of an, “I’m sorry I got involved in your life. I hope you find what you need and are okay later.”
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The content of the class itself was super interesting. I didn’t have to do any ammonia huffing; that’s something reserved for pedophiles I guess. They laughed at me because my fantasies weren’t deviant. YOU CAN SKIP THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU WANT. IT DEALS WITH SEXUAL TOPICS (I won’t get too specific about what I wrote for my fantasy, but the most effective fantasies for me involve connection and passion. The book wanted me to throw as many deviant elements into the mix as I could, so I went with a kind of schoolgirl fantasy but then I apparently ruined its potential for deviance because I put down that I was the same age as the girl.) The other guys in the class were
like, “uhhhhh...all of that is normal, bro.” Their fantasies were things like finding a drunk woman in an alley and being so rough with her they didn’t know if she was still alive when they left, or seeing how many girls they could assault in one night 0.0 They were definitely on a different level.
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That was a theme throughout the class. The guys kept saying I made them feel like bad people because I was normal, lol. One guy, my favorite, was like, “Tell me something Jason. You ain’t never shot dope a day in your life, have ya?” and, another time, “Be honest with me: have you ever even stolen anything?”
No and no, sir. He invited me to hang out with him because he wanted to get to know me more. We have led pretty opposite lives and I actually respect him a lot. He said we could get together and throw ham chunks in the bushes and watch a cougar come eat them, which honestly sounds pretty great. I got his number on my last day, and I am definitely going to hang out with him when the weather stops being so wet and dreary.
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Back in the class, chapter 4 was about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and it dug in to what kind of family you came from. Chapter 5 was about learning empathy for others. Chapter six was all about boundaries and healthy communication techniques to foster intimacy. The last two chapters were about behavior chains and how feelings lead to thoughts which lead to behaviors which lead back to feelings. It was really cool to see how to analyze a thought for any “distortions” and substitute the thought for a healthy, non-distorted one.
The book ended with a relapse prevention plan, so you can recognize and know how to break a cycle of abuse before it even has a chance to form.
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After I finished the class, I went out and got other books about the subject and I’m working through them now. Now that I’m done with everything, I know I can communicate two important things to the world: 1) deviant fantasies lead to deviant acts and 2) if you have trouble with deviant fantasies, get help.
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For the second thing, I can make a little course that will help. I can base a series (podcasts, videos, straight text? I’m not sure yet) on what I learned. It turns out you need to learn how to be fulfilled, empathetic, balanced, and successful and also how to communicate, have good boundaries, and allow intimacy (deep connection, not sex per se) in your life. This lifestyle is completely mutually exclusive with committing a sexual assault. I’ve wondered why, for example, so many Hollywood stars tend to engage in sexual misconduct.
. I now understand they tend to be deprived of intimacy because they have to isolate themselves from the screaming masses. That creates isolation and loneliness and all kinds of problems that can lead to drugs and alcohol and sex abuse and all kinds of maladaptive behaviors. Humans are not wired to be separated from other humans.
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Back to my ideas: literally no one in the world would identify themselves as a potential sex offender. But just about every sex offender accidentally programs themselves (for years!) to commit sexual assault without knowing what they’re doing. There’s obviously a big, dangerous disconnect there.
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To get the word out, I talked to a friend/ex-business partner of mine with lots of marketing experience. She had some good ideas that I might try. The craziest one is an ad on porn sites that would take the form of a cartoon-like quiz to assess if you’re “good” or “crazy” by what you’re in to. I don’t know exactly how to word the quiz but I have a general idea.
There’s a joke about your browser history being the most private thing in your life. “If I die, clear my browser history.” That sentiment needs to be checked. The end goal of the quiz is to let you know that you program yourself through the porn you watch, so you should end somewhere healthy. Reinforce something good, right? As a second benefit, it’ll put the main danger zones (from a sex assault perspective) on your radar: voyeurs/exhibitionists, sadism, adolescents, and preteen children.
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I don’t want to put anyone off, and I’ll tone it way down in the quiz. Like I said, the main goal is to tell people to take a step toward personal accountability in their sexual thoughts. But in a nice, validating, non-judgy way.
I can’t hope to reach all the types of sex offenders. Some people are wired wrong and seek out that crap. Others have a psychopathy or psychosis that distorts their reality beyond what words can fix. But A LOT of guys are starting on a wrong path today that will lead to them, 5 years from now, hurting innocent people. These are the folks who would see the message of “check yourself: deviance inside leads to deviance outside” and actually start thinking about it before any ideas started taking root in their mind. It’s hard to get solid numbers, but it looks like over 30% of sex offenders start as dummies who thought they were doing the right thing by “blowing off steam” and indulging in deviant fantasies. Most people who commit a sex offense don’t consciously plan it at all. When it happens, they feel like they’re being carried forward in a dream and it “just happens.” That’s insane, and it’s only because they’ve normalized something terrible for years of their life and no one
anything at any point to help them check themselves.
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Can you tell I have been studying sex offenders? Haha. Sorry this is so dark but hopefully it’s interesting.
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I now spend time mentally classifying people into different possible offender types. The most obvious one on here is that shikharizard guy who finally left (unless he’s dogscruff, which I half-suspect he is.) He threatened to stab @sinderella and scared her away, even though she was awesome and a great addition to funsub. And he would always be awkwardly and persistently sexual with you, @xvarnah. He’s annoying, but more seriously, through his messages on here he clearly demonstrated resentment, beliefs of sexual entitlement, dominance, defiance, a lack of empathy, egocentricity, hostility, manipulation, blame, and anger. In real life, he could be a very dangerous man. He fits the exact mold of a violent, sadistic rapist. I can get along with most people but I deeply loathe him (and people with those particular qualities)
In other news, I joined ToastMasters and I am now learning to be a public speaker. I am giving speeches about what I learned in my class that could help the general public. So far, the speeches have been really well received. People even liked my first speech where I described my accusations and their dismissal. I am speaking publicly because I want to be a little competent when I start recording myself and I’m getting better.
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That’s my big update. What do you guys think? Am I crazy to be thinking or doing this stuff? I know I have good things to say but I just don’t exactly know where to say them so they help the right people. I’m open to ideas!
@Jasonmon I‘m glad you found this thread. I forgot to respond to @xvarnah . Your experience(s) is really complicated but I‘m glad things didn‘t get worse. I‘ve been crazy busy and may not be able to talk about every thing you mentioned but I will try. The legal system seems pretty crappy.
I‘m so happy that your PTSD hasn‘t made you incapacitated. It‘s awesome that you‘re healing. I‘m also glad you didn‘t fall into depression.
About writing the letter, I‘m guessing it was one of the most difficult things ever. I‘m happy you did it anyway. If she confesses, will the charges against you be dropped? Do polygraphs make you feel nervous/uncomfortable?
No comment about the fanatsy part but yay, you made a new friend! Maybe you both will be besties and you‘ll be the best man at his wedding or something lol.
@Jasonmon You never disappoint in typing out really really long comments haha. You‘ve learned so much and it‘s all very informative. A friend of mine would want to know about it. I did not mention your experience to him but he was curious as to why a lot of sexual misconducts happen. We debated a bit about it. I think the quiz won‘t be a bad idea. It may not help everyone but I bet there are lots people whom it will. I have never really related to the browser history joke. I have absolutely no skeletons in my closet. It may be based on my past with my dad. And it‘s definitely really interesting. It doesn‘t appear dark to me though. I believe a lot of people should be aware of a lot of what you said.
I felt Shik was Dogscruff too. I had no idea he did that. I checked out the post myself and read the comments. I don‘t know if I should be scared of Shik.
@Jasonmon Sinderella was really amazing on here. I remember when she joined. She was absolutely sweet. I hope she is ok and happy. I noticed the traits you mentioned in him. I slowly avoided frequent interactions with him because he seemed really...different. @xvarnah was able to hold convos with him.
ToastMasters seems like a great way to positively impact the lives of people one step at a time. You‘ve been really productive so far and I support you. You aren‘t crazy. I was thinking maybe having a youtube channel or writing a book or interviews, I don‘t know ^·^‘
On what grounds did the state object? The DA having too much power is not a decent excuse to force someone to live with a rape charge...
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You have a lawyer, right? Can you appeal? Tbh I've been following a lawyer recently (on the Internet, not like stalking them), and idk if he'd be able to help but I could attempt to reach out to him. I'm not sure if that's something you'd remotely be interested in, so I'm just putting it out there, take it or leave it (or ask for more info)
The prison guard system is much like the coach/priest/teacher/guide/etc system-- since it puts someone in a position of power over a particular type of people (prisoners or children), it's bound to attract those who want to abuse those types of people. Tbh I still think opposite gender guards should not be allowed anywhere near the prisons of opposite gender inmates, and I can't for the life of me figure out why they ARE. Not that that would entirely end abuse, but it would make an impact
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After all you've been through I'm not surprised you have PTSD after all you've been through. I am surprised you've been able to identify and work through so many of your triggers. Normally that seems an almost impossible feat for some. But im glad you're getting through it. I wonder if maybe a dog or cat might help?
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At least she did relent and let you go in the end. I know that's her job, but even she must see the psychosis behind treating someone who doesn't have a problem
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I love that they used a polygraph of all things when they've already been so insanely widely discredited. That's insane that they made YOU apologize to HER, especially when you're not even supposed to have contact with her. Have you told anyone she's been trying to get in contact with you?
At least she did relent and let you go in the end. I know that's her job, but even she must see the psychosis behind treating someone who doesn't have a problem
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I love that they used a polygraph of all things when they've already been so insanely widely discredited. That's insane that they made YOU apologize to HER, especially when you're not even supposed to have contact with her. Have you told anyone she's been trying to get in contact with you?
I'm glad you got something out of it at least (and no ammonia huffing-- always a plus). Tbh I've been seeing a lot of things from paedophiles (real paedophiles, who target children, and aren't falsely accused). I won't go into detail unless you want me to since I don't know exactly what you're allowed to talk about (or what you'd want to), but a lot of it is much more disturbing than what you just wrote there. Then again, it's the actual acts, not the fantasies.
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I wonder if it isn't beneficial for them to HAVE someone normal sitting with them. I mean besides the instructor, who's job is to tell them what's wrong with them. Idk, Idk enough about the psychology, but it sounds like they DID benefit from your presence.
Tbh it's such a controversial topic. These people ARE human, but it's also hard to believe they can be rehabilitated in the wake of the things they've done sometimes, you know? I'm still not part of the crucify them now crowd, but part of me would always be hyper skeptical I think of pedophiles.
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Haha this is the part where I try not to point out that feeding cougars is dangerous for the animal
<.< I'm glad you made a friend, though. Whatever he was in for hopefully the classes helped him through it
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I don't remember the pyramid exactly, but I did study nature vs nurture a decent amount at one point in high school (and more outside of it), and it's definitely easy to see how environment/family influences and can often be the direct cause of these kinds of behaviours later in life. I think the statistic is somewhere around 40-60% of abused children will grow up to engage in abuse, including sexual. Number might be higher, not sure
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That's not a bad idea also, although I think you'd have an extremely hard time convincing any pork site to a) run such an ad (they make money off of even the squickiest things) and b) having people take it seriously. I think it also has a slight flaw along the lines of the same "violent video games make violent children" argument, where there are plenty of people who may enjoy more disturbing aspects in pornography, but would never actually engage in such an act themselves, if that makes sense. Still, with proper implementation, it could certainly be useful
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Also I'm not sure what books you're reading but it sounds interesting. For some reason my brain wants me to bring up a book called "don't, a woman's word" which probably wouldn't be useful at all. But it's told from the perspective of a woman who was actually abused for years by her father and his friends, ostracized by her mother (who blamed her, and in turn turned her siblings against her)....
.....It probably wouldn't be helpful for what you're trying to do, and you may even get in trouble for reading it at this stage in the game, but somewhere down the line maybe it'll come in handy
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As for the shik part, I can pretty well guarantee he's not dogscruff haha. And I'm afraid I'm going to have to come to his defence on this. I know he didn't get along, and was often provocational with people on here, but he also displayed a great deal of respect at certain times, and tried very hard to give Aviva advice when she needed it, particularly about grim.
He was also decent to me from the start, despite the innuendo, which he can't be held fully accountable for- I'm sure we were equally to blame. '
I'm not going to completely condemn your assessment, mind you, or at least parts of it. He is manipulative, defiant, can certainly have a hell of an ego when he wants to, can get angry, and is in to domination. All of which he will admit openly if you ask him.
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He actually displays a great deal of empathy, just not for everyone and not for every issue. And he definitely is selective about the people he shows respect to. Which he has reasons for. He has reasons for a lot of the way he behaves I think, but they're his reasons, not mine, so I'm not going to get into them.
I will say from what I know of him (which is probably a good deal more than anyone else he encountered on this site) that he has absolutely no interest in rape. BDSM is fine, but he's not out hunting for anyone he has to force into bed.
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@aviva you have no reason to be afraid of Shik. Unless maybe you challenged him to a fight. But even then he makes it clear, repeatedly, that he'd simply have fun watching YOU attempt to do damage, and preventing you from doing so. Men, I imagine he'd have no problem attempting to turn into a puddle on the floor, women he's not so interested in fighting. He actually liked you, at least a little from what I can tell. I thought you still were okay with him after everything with grim, which is why I tagged you in his post about leaving, but if I was incorrect and you were uncomfortable than I apologize
I don't agree with everything Shik said and did, but I've yet to find anyone I do agree with everything they say and do. I don't believe him to be a bad person, or a borderline offender. But he's definitely an acquired taste I imagine
I have no idea what toastmasters is, but that sounds exciting :) I know you've been wanting to get involved in the public activism side of all this. Public speaking sounds terrifying, but I imagine you've done at least some of it in your timetbh, at this point I think the world needs to hear voices like yours... especially with the insanity of the metro movement getting so very out of control. And you'll receive a LOT of backlash. Probably worse than you can imagine.
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You're seeking to get help for a group of people most would rather have castrated and flayed alive in an era when "listen and believe" is supposed to be all that matters.
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It's not going to be even a little easy, but if you think you can handle it, then I think what you're trying to do is important, and worthwhile :)
The letter was weird to write. She probably won’t ever know it exists. If she reads it, I’m sure she’d feel pretty bad. I definitely told them she was trying to contact me. (She just added me on SnapChat a few weeks ago.) My probation officer freaked out and started yelling at me like I had added her. He said he’d note it on my case and reiterated that he’d put me in jail if I added her. Yeah, thanks buddy. I’m not even tempted.
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As for rehabilitation, sex offenders rarely reoffend. The ones that do get put away forever. It feels like a huge risk to release someone from prison and hope they don’t ruin another life, but the alternative is locking everyone (even me) away forever and throwing away the keys. These guys have families and support and hopes and dreams. With treatment, the recidivism rate drops down to something like 5%. Without treatment, it is around 24%. Clearly, something is going right with treatment.
Since I’m post-conviction, no charges will be dropped and this girl wouldn’t help me by confessing anything. The bright side is that in ten years, all the convictions will drop off my record and I’ll be a normal person again, though.
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@aviva, yes, polygraphs are nerve-wracking. I’ll describe that experience for you some day, but you get hooked up to a computer and you can’t move around or look at anything except a white wall. You have to answer a set of nine questions three times in a row and then they tell you if you passed or not.
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@xvarnah, my attorney said that, since I was convicted (via my plea) on ANY charge from the indictment, the state didn’t want my record expunged. None of the charges I pleaded to appeared on my original indictment/warrant so that reasoning doesn’t really make sense. Here’s where it gets scary for me: I read the law and found that, if the feds were going to come after me for the same accusations, the state won’t ever expunge charges.
. I hope that isn’t the case! I mean, in a he-said/she-said case with no evidence, it all boils down to which attorney argues the best. That’s terrifying for me. Especially since the federal charges I’d face would carry a minimum sentence of 30 years in prison. My attorney (who has retired and is now a judge) said that it’s a 99.99% chance the feds wouldn’t prosecute a case like this that’s already been prosecuted.
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All the prisons and jails I went to had male and female inmates. They were separated, but the guards had access to all of us. I think that’s why they encourage a mix of guard sexes. You don’t want female inmates to have only male guards or vice versa. That could be a worse nightmare.
Oh yeah! dogscruff is captainjackharkness/police. Shik might be gone for real. That’s nice of you to come to his defense, @xvarnah and I apologize if I was unkind. My main point to mentioning him specifically was to highlight what someone’s mindset looks like when they’re on a bad path. He could get a girlfriend or feel fulfilled in another way and be okay, or he could be on this path forever and never victimize someone. Generally, when someone demonstrates those characteristics (anger, no empathy, picking fights, talking about how much better they are than others, being extremely sexual), they are at a higher risk to possibly do something like commit a sexual assault against someone.
I won’t call out anyone by name again, but there are a couple of other users that come to mind that exhibit different characteristics (anxiety, depression, resentment, hurt, loneliness, self-criticism, self-judgement) who would be at risk to commit a different type of offense: statutory rape or molestation.
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I’m not saying that all these people would do that. I’ve just been immersed in studying different personalities and part of my brain is now classifying people into categories because that’s what it’s always done. Instead of the usual categories like “rude,” “know-it-all,” “funny,” or “generous,” I have added a bunch of other ones like “possible voyeur” or “possible sadist.”
I don’t know what form my finished ideas will take. I definitely understand that no one identifies themselves as a potential sex offender, and no one wants to be told what to do when it comes to their alone time. I have an uphill battle. But I’m okay with it if people don’t like me :D It’s a classic, “Why are you booing me? I’m right” situation.
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The good news is: the core message won’t change and I can start creating it now. Getting people to watch/read/listen to it will be all about the sales funnel; except obviously the “purchase” step would be more like a “consume” step IF I can go with a grant model. It feels weird to charge people money so they don’t go rape people. The inverse is so terrible: people DON’T pay money and then go rape people. How much of a turd would I be to let someone get raped because I wanted money?
Here are the directions I’m trying to go right now: First, I want to start with video content. I can post a couple links for you guys if you’d like. I have a nice camera and mic, and I’m teaching myself how to capture and edit video. I’ll probably have my first proto-content next week?
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Second, I want to make a little infographic that targets parents about adult friends in their children’s lives. Most are fine, but there are obvious signs of grooming that parents seem to ignore. They need to review the list a couple times a year.
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Third, I want to reach out to RAINN and a couple local groups to see if they like the message. If I get support there, I’d like to brainstorm with professionals involved in the sex counselling scene and come up with even better ideas.
Fourth, I am having my marketing friend help me reach out to a handful of podcasters to see if they’d be interested in interviewing me on one of these angles: being in prison, reintegrating into life, gracefully recovering from something terrible, etc. It’s too soon to delve too much into my main message because it’s still so nebulous.
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Last, I intend to make a little website telling people about my goals and making myself available to speak. Maybe. This one is Chelsea’s idea. And actually @xvarnah, up until now, I have never been a competent public speaker. When something needed to be said to a crowd, I’d just throw someone else at it. I’m getting better in front of people but it still isn’t my favorite thing in the world.
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So, what should I call this thing? My first thought was “the rape initiative” but that sounds a little bit pro-rape. My second thought was that I shouldn’t be allowed to name things. Then I was thinking something like saferlives.org, but that already exists.
@xvarnah I understand and I don‘t hate Shik. He was really helpful when he offered to give me support when I was going through a lot. He sorta started scaring me a bit when he acted really rude towards other users(I would‘ve been a scared if anyone did that, really. It just reminds of my dad) but I guess that‘s just him. But I will say that he was open to playing around sometimes...when he wasn‘t being overly dirty. His response to Sinderella was really alarming since I didn‘t think he‘d go that far, but whatever I guess. I appreciate that you tagged me in that post. I would‘ve been worried something bad happened to him if I noticed his absence and did not see it(I‘ve been away quite often and may not notice it immediately). Overall, I can‘t and won‘t judge him because we both are completely different people and I respect that :)
@jasonmon I bet. I imagine the letter is more supposed to force people to take an empathetic viewpoint than actually reconcile with victims, particularly underage ones.
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Maybe you should get a restraining order against her? Idk if you're even able to, but at this point it feels way too risky for her to be allowed to continue to attempt to get in contact with you, especially when the people working your case seem so corrupt. I hope you made it clear to the parole guy that you want her to leave you alone. And I hope you've mentioned it to your lawyer.
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I'm not sure if you answered my question or not haha, but if you decide you potentially want a second opinion let me know and I can name drop or potentially ask the lawyer about it at some point. It sounds like you're going through bullshit to me, but idk Mich about the legal system
Oh? I've always heard the opposite-- that once you offend, you're that much more likely to do it again. Particularly if you don't get therapy
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Yeah, I've heard of co-ed guards and male/female prisons, and I think it's a horrible idea. If they want to keep them in the same facility fine but the male guards at no time should have access to female inmates or vice versa
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He is haha. We've talked about it, he's gone. And you don't have to apologize/i wasn't being nice lol. We both were just citing our honest opinions on the situation. shik isn't everyone's cup of tea. Some of what he says can certainly be alarming. I know it, he knows it, everyone knows it. He does have sadistic tendencies, and he openly stated he's likely on the sociopath/machiavellian spectrum (at least according to interwebz quizzes). But when it comes to being an offender (at least a sex offender) I'd fairly readily vouch that that's not what he's about at all.
As a side note in regards to empathy, don't forget this is the same guy who dragged catfluff to literally any cat post after seeing she was sad one time haha
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Anyway, defence rests x) and I understood what you were trying to say, and I can see why you'd use him as an example. And there are a lot of alarming behaviours and personality traits that can come to the surface when you start knowing what to look for. To quote Yogi Bera "you can observe a lot by watching." I don't think we have any pedophiles on the site, but you really never know what's going on inside someone's head. But sometimes things they don't say, and the way they say things, can reveal a side of people you'd never have thought otherwise
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Haha I'm not talking about just booing, sadly. I haven't really been bringing it up much on this site actively because it's drama and this site isn't for that, but I'll use it as an example.
(gonna try and give you the very short version). There's a VA (Voice Actor) called Vic Mignogna. In the last few months several other voice actors (and some other random people in the community) got together and started laying accusations against him saying he is inappropriate with fans. This escalated into him being labelled a rapist, a misogynist, and a paedophile.
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As a result he lost his job with two companies and almost every convention (conventions are where these people actually make their living), his SEO got annihilated, people attempted removing his credits from works he'd already done, and various other things. People went above and beyond to do everything they could to make certain this man would never ever be able to work again.
The twist to all this is is that there's not only no proof he ever did anything, but a lot of the stories that have come out have been proven either fabricated, impossible, or not actually sexual assault.
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Several people (including the lawyer I mentioned previously) started speaking out about how screwed up the entire thing was, and doing everything they could to try and put a halt to this guy's life being torn down.
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The reason I'm saying all this is that, as a result of them being outspoken in Vic's defense-- and being EFFECTIVE-- these people have faced a huge amount of backlash.
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People have attempted to have them banned/deplatformed/blacklisted/demonetized and copyright struck across all social media. They've threatened to "fucking cancel" these people and Done their best to dox them (release personal info/pictures to the Internet at large). They've sent death threats, not just to the people standing up but about their families. They've threatened to send CPS to one guy's
...house to have his 5 year old daughter taken from him (they also entered his stream when his daughter was on specifically to call her a little cunt). They've labelled them Nazis and rape-apologists (among other things). They've phoned their places of business and attempted to have them fired. They've sent swattings to at least one guy's home (and that was simply for him saying he planned on wearing a shirt supporting Vic to a convention). And this swatting was not a joke, at all. It was absolutely an attempt on the guy's life.
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The lawyer I mentioned had at least 4 different people, possibly more, send letters to the bar association, trying to get him disbarred. They've also mass-attacked his firm's review pages with made up stories to destroy his livelihood.
My point with all this is much the same as when Aviva was asking about going forward with her story about her teacher. I'm not trying to discourage you, say this would happen, or anything like that. You likely wouldn't have nearly as many problems, but the fact remains it's a risk. And when things can get this ugly I always think it's better for people to go in eyes open. You've already had your life torn apart once. What you want to do is so valid and important. But gotta be prepared. Especially if your platform is social media. Expect the worst and you'll never be surprised
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It sounds like you have a good start at least. I guess the thing I'd recommend is try watching streams/podcasts for awhile just to get a feel for what works. You'd also probably want to set up a dedicated email address that people can contact you at (and so your real email doesn't get completely bogged down) if they want. It's a very sensitive...
...issue and I imagine a LOT of people wouldn't want to discuss some of it in public
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Tbh there's a lot of podcasters etc who would probably be interested in your message, I imagine the hardest thing would be convincing them you're interesting enough to have on their show. And by that I don't mean I find you boring haha. I mean the easiest way to draw someone into a podcast is to have a name people recognize. The Less familiar the name, the less likely people are to show up to hear from "some guy." And they also want to avoid trolls
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Haha I don't think public speaking is anyone's favourite thing in the world
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No for the love of God don't name it the rape initiative haha. That's right up there with "therapistfinder."
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When I was a kid I had a stuffed mouse named mousey and a stuffed wolf named wolfey. That should give you an idea of my propensity to name things haha.
Tbh idk if something like an acronym like RAINN has might work. Or maybe something like "no lost causes" or such, but I'm not sure if something like that has the feel you're looking for. It might be a bit easier to name once it's a bit more fleshed out. Or if you have some key words related to what your end goal is
@aviva that's certainly fair. Like I said to Jason, I can certainly see that shikharizard isn't everyone's cup of tea. But he's also never denied that fact, and was certainly not interested in being haha.
Hello @aviva! Hello @xvarnah!
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@xvarnah, thank you SO MUCH for the offer of the lawyer. I really like and respect Vic Mignogna and I’ve been following his story closely. Poor guy. I had no idea his sympathizers were getting blowback like that. I hope it has died down a bit, now that it’s public knowledge that many of the accusations were fabricated.
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I have big news... I am FINALLY going home tomorrow! :D The last two months were a crazy road. The Virgin Islands suddenly wanted me to register as a sex offender because my (dismissed) accusations were originally sexual in nature. I got lawyers involved up here and down there to explain that’s not how the system works and FINALLY they said I could come back without registering, but with the vague threat that they might change their mind at any point and arrest me for Failure to Register as a Sex Offender. My attorney (and good friend) down there told me if they actually did that, it would just be “paperwork” and not to worry about it.
. A first offense for Failure to Register is punishable by up to ten years in prison, so it’s kinda hard not to worry about, haha.
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The other thing on my mind is my death threats. Bad People told me not to come back or they would kill me. This all happened last year, before my case was dropped, so I think I’ll be good now. This weekend, I am going to find the main dude behind the death threats, Curtis, and explain to him what happened and hopefully he can tell his friends to back off. Being accused of something like this is not for the faint of heart! I’m nervous to return, but I’m not going to avoid home because I’m scared. I’d literally rather die doing what’s right, as opposed to living my life in fear over what might happen.
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I’m just kind of communicating to all my friends that this is what I want to do and it’ll probably be fine. If I end up arrested or worse, it was my choice and I’ll still stick by it.
At least the scariest part will be over quickly; I feel like the first few weeks of my return will be the most dangerous. After that, people will hear my story and calm down, I think.
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I will still be on probation down in the VI, so I’ll have to fly to Oregon every month and check in. That is a bit annoying but it will be nice to see all my friends and family every month. It’ll give me a chance to continue sharpening my public speaking skills.
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Since I wrote you guys last, I shifted to doing a couple of podcasts instead of a video series. One will be my story because it is insane, and the other about how I can help the world with what I talked about last time. In essence, the second podcast is aimed at adapting sex offender treatment to be useful to someone BEFORE they commit a sex offense.
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People are interested in both stories. An old business partner of mine, Chelsea, has been working in Internet marketing for the last several years and she has been putting my name out there.
I have been invited to speak at a conference in January about what I’d like to do. It is a conference of wealthy, largely-retired business people who want to help each other and the world by inspiring people to reinvent themselves. They want people to get healthy, be proactive in their own lives, meditate, exercise, start businesses, etc. Chelsea mentioned my story to this group and said I could potentially help a lot by bringing people with low self-esteem and maladaptive coping mechanisms from “at-risk to victimize someone” to “a positive force in the world.” She also talked to Catherine Hoke, who is going through something like Vic right now, about me. Catherine is interested in finding a place for me to tell my first story and raise a little awareness about the criminal justice system in the US.
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@xvarnah, I think you’re right about porn sites not wanting to run an ad like that. I think you’re also right that I have to avoid the violent video games = violent adults correlation.
I think video games could trigger something in already-damaged people, in the same way I think the wrong pornography can trigger something in already-damaged people. In that sense, both video games and porn can do damage. It’s frustrating to know what I need to say, and know to whom I need to say it, but not know a way to connect us. That’s why I need amazing, creative marketers.
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Shifting gears, the letter I had to write to the girl was awful to articulate. I dug it up for you guys and pasted it below. It was SO HARD to know what to say, because I feel like I’m a victim who is apologizing to the person who is responsible for my victimization.
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They told us to write the first sentence. The second sentence is all I really wanted to communicate with her. The rest is just carefully taking responsibility for “messing up” in a non-specific way while being polite and, most importantly, not inviting any future contact from her.
Mainly, she was scared I wanted to kill her, so I told her I didn’t want that. Tbh, I’m not even that mad at her; she just did what she always does when her back is against the wall. My feelings of anger are directed toward Oregon for taking it so far. Here’s the letter:
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Dear L***,
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I'll leave it up to you to decide whether you even want to read this letter.
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I want you to know that I don't wish you any harm and I don't have any hard feelings toward you. That said, being there for you in your times of need made me feel happy and important. Now I understand I was in over my head and I made a mess of things with you. Words can’t describe how terrible that makes me feel. I hope that someday you can find it in you to forgive me. If you don't, I understand. Just know that I wish you a happy future that includes quality relationships.
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I am deeply sorry. I hope you are able to recover from any negative impact I had on you.
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Wishes to a healthy future,
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Jason
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Blah.
@xvarnah, you’re right. The goal of the letter was to learn empathy, and I doubt the letter will ever actually be delivered to her.
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I think that’s my whole update for now. Did I leave out anything? How have you guys been? @aviva, I saw some random chat yesterday where you mentioned you weren’t having a good time. We’re here for you if you want to talk!
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I’ll be in touch with you guys to let you know things are okay! It feels like some cosmic being hit a Pause button on my life in January, 2018, and tomorrow they are hitting the play button. I feel like everything is coming together for me :)
Well I can't exactly *offer* him, just offer to reach out to him haha. But if you've followed Vic's stuff at all you probably have or will hear of him.
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Tbh I've tried not to bring the Vic stuff up too much because it's so heavy, it makes me endlessly infuriated, and this doesn't feel the right forum for that drama. But given it does deal with false accusations I was tempted to bring it up to you on many occasions haha.
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If you do start your blog/etc then it would probably be worth looking into in more depth. 'I honestly couldn't begin to "sum it up" (maybe someone else could, but I'm not that person) so if you want insight into it then I could try and answer anything you might want to know. But the blowback is actually getting more extreme - which is to be expected.
The people speaking out against Vic aren't doing well, and they're lashing out and panicking as a result.
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One of the affiants in the case is spamming conventions and companies, harassing them to get rid of Vic, and nevermind the fact there is photographic/video evidence of her forcing open mouthed kisses on two 14/15 year olds at a con.
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Another guy covering the topic had his identity doxed, hismailbox smashed in, his wife's miscarriages brought up. And a con that invited Vic got mass-flagging on Facebook and lost all it's ability to purchase advertising on the site - the official reason being that the con is racist for (wait for it) inviting chuck Norris (and another person I can't recall) because Chuck Norris is conservative.
Not that people on Vic's side are angels either, but nowhere near as extreme 98% of the time. And, again, not trying to discourage you - this is literally just meant as a "be aware what you're potentially getting into." Especially with twitter. '
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As for your news - that is extremely amazing to hear! I am absolutely thrilled for you! When do you go back, do you know? How will you get your bike there? (<- I have my priorities in order as you can see). I sincerely hope you talk with your lawyer THOROUGHLY about the "paperwork," because the last thing you want is a freaking loophole getting you labelled as a SO over there..
As for Curtis... I understand your desire to reach out to him, but I really hope you take precautions. I hope things go smooth, but the kind of people to send death threats tend not to be the most stable. If you can I'd say reach out maybe via email or something first. If you do meet, meet somewhere relatively public, preferably in view of a security camera. Make sure someone knows where you'll be etc. Idk maybe I'm being paranoid
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Still, again, really exciting news! I'm sincerely thrilled that things are starting to work out :)'Well, idk much about youtubing. One guy stated "the key to successful streaming is to ramble without seeming like you're rambling. Always make it seem like you're working toward a point." No idea if that's actually sound advice, mind you, but there you go
For the re-invention thing, I do think you also have to be careful how you approach this. There's a very hot issue on social media lately of pedophiles demanding to be called MAPS and abusing this to hide under the "LBTQetc" tag as a protected class. It is making a LOT of people VERY unhappy. You'd have to find that middle ground when you present this stuff between "rehabilitating" and "acceptance/encouragement" which can be very difficult to do
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I've never heard of Catherine Home. Curious what she's going through. Either way it sounds like you have some allies/starting points and that's always a good thing
I'm gonna make a quick suggestion that you go and either change the letter of her name or add some random asterisk after it if for no other reason than I'm not sure how hard it would be to find out her identity with a few educated guesses.
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I think you did a decent job on the rest of the letter, but I have serious problems with it existing at all. Offering an apology to a false accuser 1) implies guilt that can be held against you later and 2) offers her positive reinforcement, which is a disgusting and dangerous thing to do. To be clear I'm not directing this at you - I know you didn't have a choice - I'm just saying it's absolutely wrong.
Anyway, sorry it took me awhile to respond, I started to and then got distracted and then forgot I hadn't finished until now.
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I hope everything is still a go for you and you're holding up well. And the same for you, @aviva - happy second-early birthday
Hi ladies!
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@aviva, Happy Birthday! :D I have high hopes this year will be the best yet for you. You're going to have a lot of changes in scenery and work load but you've got this. Don't let anyone take advantage of your niceness. Look for the best in people. As you jump out into the world, be selective with whom you spend time. Idk why I'm giving you unsolicited advice but there it is haha
Thanks for hanging in there and keeping up with my crazy situation. I consider you a dear friend (now that I'm not legally prohibited from such things lol) and I'm glad you're part of the funsub family.
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@xvarnah, the same goes for you; you have personally helped me a lot. Thank you for being awesome. I appreciate your steadfast positivity and presence on this site. I absolutely think of you as a dear friend as well.
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Happy August 21st!
@Jasonmon I have now earned the title of ''Lady.'' Yay! *break dances*
Thank you so much! I'm positive about that too. And I know I'm prepared to face whatever it is. I can be kind but I'm definitely not stupid. Recently, I haven't been spending time with anyone at all actually , and I'm not anti -social or anything but I feel ok. And thank you so much for your advice! It's good to know what to do and what not to do from someone with more experience.
It's absolutely ok. I doubt you're 'religious' but I prayed for you and about it and tried my best to at least cheer you up when you were in a terrible place. It wasn't much (and possibly 'insignificant') but I'm glad things didn't completely fall apart. Now you're home, see! :). I'm glad I'm now a dear friend. It's an honor. Before, I was a bit afraid of talking to you because I didn't want to make things worse. I'm glad you're part of the FunSub family too! :)
THANK YOU VERY MUCH! :D
Some assembly required. Also I just discovered there's like 20000 comments on this page I never got notifications for.. So that's great. How are you guys holding up?
Hi! I am okay. It's been a weird week but I am alive and well, so that's good. Someone who was like a second mom to me just passed away earlier this week; I am going to her funeral today. That will be hard but there will be lots of good people there.
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I am really glad you are going to university now. And I'm so relieved your uncle is guaranteeing a place for you to stay when other people are failing you. Getting out of this situation and in to school will help you on lots of levels: you will be away from the toxic people in your life, you will be busy with class work and learning, you will meet lots of new, shiny people. I would say to be careful, but I know you'll kick butt there.
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Please don't run away or live in a shelter. Once you widen your social circle a little bit, you will see that there are other options. Did your eldest brother cost you the offer from that guy and his wife to pay for your schooling?
It sounds like you had an intense talk with your dad. It was big of you to tell him you'd be open to a fresh start, but it seems like your boundaries with him are good. Please remember when you feel down that you have boundaries. Everything in them is something you can control (reactions and feelings about situations, if you apply for scholarships or go to school at all), and everything outside of them is something you CAN'T control (your mom's twin's witchcraft, your dad's ideas, the other ridiculous people in your family). If you focus on everything inside your boundary and keep it moving forward, the stuff outside your boundary will start to lose its hold on you. I promise. You've been through some crazy stuff. I have too, and that's how I kept it together through all of it.
If you want, click my user name and click "Share Contacts". You don't have to send me any contact info, but I will send you my e-mail address. That way, if you need time-sensitive advice or support, you can e-mail me and it'll ping my phone right away, 24/7. Then I can come on funsub and check the chats to see how I can help you. You've come really far in life, and you are at a critical junction. You are making all the right choices - staying close to your uncle, signing up for university, not giving up and running. Keep at it, and remember that, just because the people around you are crazy, you don't need to let it destabilize you. You're doing great.
@jasonmon Hi. Thanks for taking the time out to type all that(you too, @xvarnah). I just got the chance to respond. I haven't been home all day(I'll explain that part later).
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I'm happy to know you're all good. I'm sad to hear about your loss. I'm sure she was absolutely amazing as you said. How did everything go? Did you get overwhelmed and stay back, or pushed yourself to go?
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I was in court yesterday and I was surprised at how much he stood up for me. Thank God I'm not alone. And thanks so much. Those are some of the reasons why I want to go. Both my brothers want to live with my dad and the eldest may most likely leave tomorrow. I need to be somewhere that'll distract me from the drama...
@jasonmon I'm so sorry to hear that happened. :/ I hope you're doing well, my friend
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@aviva I hope you're staying safe wherever it is you're going right now. Do you know when you'll be starting school? Don't let what your brothers are doing make you feel guilty or second-guess yourself. They have to do what they have to do. You just need to focus on you. I agree with Jason, I'm so glad your uncle is there for you right now and that you're not handling this all alone
@jasonmon My phone died before I could send another reply
...I definitely won't live in a shelter, I refuse to be homeless lol. Starting school is my way of running away. I am going to live on campus. Thank you. My eldest brother didn't. He isn't close to them like I am so barely ever talks with them both.
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I did but I don't think he was willing to listen because he doesn't want to admit that he did really wrong. If he won't even admit it, I don't think he has changed and I want nothing to do with him. Yes, and I'll remember that. Noted. I remember you've given me that advice before. I won't forget it. What are you going through? It sucks that life has been rough on you too. I hope everything get totally better soon.
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I'll just give you my email. When emergencies come up, it's much easier to reach me and for me to reach others through that. Ill remember that. Thank you so so much.
@xvarnah Hi! I'm definitely staying safe. The child's right drove down to the house yesterday to ask me why I don't want join my brothers in going back to my dad. I told them that I wasn't a child and didn't understand why they expected me to go back. I even asked them why I got questioned for saying no and my brothers got an ok for saying yes. Long story short, I was able to win the argument . I'm pretty sure the main guy among them threatened to harm me if me not going back makes my dad attack them. The main guy mentioned that he visited my dad occasionally. I am 101% sure my dad gave him money. So basically it's seems more like he's trying to fulfill his own part of the bargain with my dad. Hopefully I leave for school before he tries anything stupid. If he tries to hurt me, I can and will defend myself...
@xvarnah ...I have had second thoughts about it but then I know my decision is the right one and that's what matters. I will miss my brothers but I need to move forward with my life and even if my dad claims he's got all the money and luxury, it still can't give me what I want; because what I want can't be bought with money or anything actually. I'm glad my uncle stepped in too. He reassured me that he's got my back. His sisters are out there trying to fight me and they are losing.
Lol, I'll try for that star again some time. I have been editing a book that teaches sex offenders better coping mechanisms. It has been taking lots of my time and it is some dark subject matter but I am over halfway done! And I'm juggling three businesses and generally reintegrating myself into society again :D
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Are you getting to go to school next term?
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@xvarnah how are you? I've been so frustrated by the series of setbacks that Vic Mignogna has been going through. Hopefully he is hanging in there. He seems like a good guy who won't let this get him down too much.
@jasonmon it sounds like you've been keeping busy and getting back on your feet - which is awesome :) how is the book going?
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I know things have been a bit rough on @aviva 's end lately.
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I'm not doing too bad. Had a few hiccups in my life lately but hopefully nothing that won't get better in time :)
@jasonmon meant to respond last night but a shiny object went by and I had to go.
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For the Vic thing - I'm not sure if you're following it or not. It's slowed down a bit, but it's certainly been a unique case study in false-accusations and the way modern society responds. Because most people in his situation would end up going through something closer to what you went through.
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Vic is doing well from what I can tell, but keep in mind it's the people he called friends that are doing all this to him. His first reaction when rumors started circulating was to call Monica Rial for advice - only to learn she was one of the women accusing him of everything.
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He's admitted that he's had to seek a therapist and is currently on antidepressants since all this started. As well as blood pressure medication, but I'm not sure if that's because of this or not
I haven't been following it super closely lately, but if you're interested, some of the things that have happened in the last few months, then here we go. It will be rather boring, though, so don't feel obligated to read. I don't know what you're exploring in your book and this probably won't be helpful, but:
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-Almost anyone that speaks up in his defence is almost instantly labelled as a "women-hating" "rape-apologist." Shortly after rumors suddenly start circulating about how they must be child-abusers, too. This includes the voice actor hired to replace Vic at funimation
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One of the women whose only claim against Vic was that he touched her hair has apparently received financial assistance for her legal fees from a sexual assault victims' fund.
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The judge dismissed all of Vic's lawsuits. The general consensus seems to be that the judge doesn't understand the culture, and that he doesn't want to waste his time going through the evidence once when it will just get appealed anyway
-one of the lawyers for the defence attempted witness intimidation and threatened to subpoena an affiant in the case if they didn't provide testimony. They had already given testimony so it wasn't needed. The judge dismissed the lawyer's attempt to have the witness subpoenaed.
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*the witness in question was Christopher Slatosh, whom runs Kamehacon, and was pressured by Monica Rial, Ron Toye, and Chris Sabat to cancel his contracts with Vic because Vic was going to be arrested and formally charged as a pedophile
A "news" site called "Dallas Morning News" got involved awhile ago. It seems fairly obvious that a lawyer for the defence reached out to "journalist" there and asked her to paint his clients as martyrs facing down a demon (Vic) as much as possible. This author proceeded to write I think 3 smear-articles, leak details to the lawyer, and converse with him and others regularly on Twitter.
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She even went so far as to go on a broadcast talking about how brave these women are and how this is anime's "MeToo" movement
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This looked like it would continue inevitably until a journalist from a different website contacted the editor of DMN and asked if they approved of their journalist's behavior.
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The editor denied that the journalist would ever behave that way. Shortly after a new article dropped, however, and it was the first one even resembling unbias since the entire thing started.
-Due to his involvement, the lawyer for the defence has filed a motion of intent to file a motion to subpoena one of Vic's outspoken defenders (Nick Rekieta). If this sounds confusing it's because it is. It's also stupid.
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Basically what it means is the lawyer filed a motion to let the court know that sometime in the future he MIGHT file a motion asking to subpoena someone.
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The entire point of doing this was seemingly to try and make Nick's address public information, as well as to intimidate because.. Well, frankly, Nick calls them names and they don't like it.
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He's the one that started the GoFundMe, but has no actual involvement with the case other than in a freelance journalistic capacity.
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Because of this, the defence lawyer also included a picture of a hospital chapel in one of his official filings to the judge. If this sounds weird it's because it is. The chapel has no connection to the case. It was built by Nick's grandparents. Vic has never even set foot in that hospital and likely didn't know it existed. If you're still confused as to why this chapel was included and HOW it's relevant to the case: Congratulations, you're now at the same place as everyone else.
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Vic is being forced to pay legal fees for the defendants due to losing the Anti-SLAP. I believe the defence wanted close to 500,000$ or more between them for damages and to "discourage this behavior in the future." The judge awarded them something like 50,000$ apiece, with the exception of Monica Rial and Ron Toye, whom get 25,000 apiece.
Like I said: not super interesting stuff. But the process of actually trying to defend against accusations and all the pettiness in between would be enough to break a lot of people
@jasonmon Those all sound pretty stressful. I hope you're getting some sleep tho.
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Next term as in next year?
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@xvarnah I've had a really rough week and I almost collapsed last month. It had been extremely difficult like someone raise the difficulty since November 1st to a 10000000.
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Since I get really carried away. Lemme tell you guys in bits. So after my aunt's got to my uncle and scared him out of sending him away to school they also managed to scare him into believing that it was best that I stay at home "just in case." He denied my appeal to learn how to drive. It's all crazy, especially now that the child's rights know this address and seem to want to favour my dad. They could try something crazy if they have the idea that I'm always at home 24/7. A cousin told me that her mom wants me gone since I'm taking away my uncle's attention from her.
@aviva they've turned your uncle against you now? The one that was supposed to help you get into school?
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And idc what they want - you're 18. They can NOT force you to go live with him. Do not let them. I don't know if there's a shelter or somewhere you can go if they try. Maybe a YWCA? I wouldn't suggest it except as a last resort but you can't allow their abusive hatefulness to force you back into a terrible situation - or cost you your health
@xvarnah They didn't succeed in turning him against me; just made him scared in letting me engage in activities that require me going out very often. I will have to talk to him. He says I should see him by next weekend so he'd have more time to hear me out.
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The child rights are trying to sway my decision of staying. I was told that my dad got a hold of someone higher in rank than them and convinced that person to pass an order to make us(my siblings and I) being "returned" a top priority. I'm not even a child anymore for them to still be on my case. We're in court even.
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Their hatred for me won't make me go back. This crazy aunt I live with(my mom's twin) ate my food(my uncle gave it to me through her) with her daughters last Wednesday. I found out when one of her daughters told me. There's so much I'm going to tell my uncle when I see him.
I hope he keeps it together for your sake. He should know better than to listen to any of them. The fact they want to keep you in their house just to torment you and screw up your life out of jealousy is disgusting.
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I really think it might be time to talk to your uncle about finding a lawyer or something from out of town if possible. They literally cannot make you go live with your father and what they're doing sounds entirely illegal. You need to get out of that town as soon as possible and I hope you stress all this to your uncle
@xvarnah (@jasonmon Drag your butt here! Stop eavesdropping lol) I hope so too. The thing is that they make him feel like he's a bad brother when it looks like he's giving me "too much attention." His mom is sick and apparently they want him to spend a ton of his money on her and them too. His mom is close to 90. I will be speaking with my uncle again soon about leaving the house to learn something new and hopefully he hears me out this time.
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They know they can't make me go back to my dad so they try to make it unbearable for me here and to also make me look as bad as they possibly can. This uncle's wife travels often. She wants me to come stay with her in a different state for a month or two. She wants to speak with my uncle first to see what he thinks. A lawyer for against my dad?
I'm here, haha. @xvarnah is saying they cannot legally force you to live with your dad. If they try and convince you otherwise, you should talk to a lawyer from out of town.
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That would be exciting to get to go live with your traveling aunt for a couple months!
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@xvarnah, I knew about 70% of that stuff but not nearly all of it. I was shocked when that judge ruled Vic's suit was a SLAPP suit. Vic seems like such a great guy, it kills me that he's being treated like this. I hope he id still finding ways to connect with his fan base. Is he doing any VA work rn? Is he still unofficially banned from making appearances at any conventions?
@aviva pretty much as Jason said. Clearly whatever town you're in is corrupt but what they're trying to do is highly illegal. I think you should stress to your uncle just how extreme the situation is becoming. Make it clear that you want to get out of there and go to a school - somewhere they won't know about - and that you're going to find a way to do that. You'd prefer to do it with his help, but you can't force him.
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I think going to live with her sounds like a good idea. If possible maybe she can help you either get into a school or possibly a short term job while you're with her
@jasonmon well tbh i'm far from being an American lawyer but I really think judge chump a) didn't know how to handle this type of case and b) didn't want to deal with it anymore. Keep in mind the defendants have been filing frivolous motion after motion for months, which Vic's lawyers have to respond to, as well as email chains of them being ridiculous, all of which eventually ends up across his desk.
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He also demonstrated that he doesn't understand comic conventions at all. His reaction to the tortious interference claim was that, since Vic had managed to convince the con to rehire him (after firing him twice thanks to rial, sabat, and toye), despite Vic having to pay for extra security, there were no damages.
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He told them point blank to try mediation because otherwise this will all end up being appealed by one side or the other.
Vic runs a monthly or weekly stream on an app called unlocked I think. I don't really understand how the app works - I think it's a voice actor exclusive app or something. The schizophrenic woman tried very hard to have him thrown off of there as well, but so far the unlocked owner isn't budging. He also still has his Twitter.
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As for the conventions - it depends. I know Stan Dahlin (Monica's witness who claimed what she said never happened) and possibly Chris Slatosh were both cut out or threatened to be cut out of the con-circle by some of the other con owners for not murdering Vic in the street with the rest of them. I feel bad for slatosh - I'll be surprised if he holds a con next year. But there are a lot of cons willing to have him. I'm pretty sure Vic will always have a place at Anime Matsuri at this point. They received so many threats for inviting him, which all culminated in three angry cosplayer's sitting in a bar somewhere nearby talking about how much they hate the con.
Vic fished his role at Viz media in Jojo's bizarre adventure, and they've made no statements about whether they'll hire him in the future. Which could be bad news or good news. He has another casting at an entirely independent company that I can't recall the name of right now, along with Todd Haberkorn. It looks like it might be a furry anime, not entirely sure lol.
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Either way they kind of screwed up. A group of unlikeable and hateful people targeted a very nice person who was well known for being a very nice person and even though they cost him a lot, I'm pretty sure he's never felt support from the community more. I don't think they'll succeed in taking away all his future opportunities, and that's important. Just like it is for you.
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Did you ever decide to go talk to that person btw? You mentioned you were thinking about it
@jasonmon it's been several months and I had this open in one of my tabs since then. About those in child/humam rights trying to get me back with my dad, the man in charge kept calling me (yes, even while there's a pandemic). I didn't take any of his calls but it didn't stop him from calling...so I blocked him.
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About that aunt, I'm not really in speaking terms with her confided in her over the years and just a month before my exams(a couple of months ago), she told my grandmother's second daughter about it. I went through hell. I had to find my way to the exam center early in the morning and left without eating anything. I haven't been eating a lot and I'm pretty sure I started developing an ulcer.
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I'm still going to stay strong. I'm moving out.
@xvarnah I understand. I did that. I gained admission into a private university and just as he was about to pay for my tuition, his wife(the aunt I confided in) told him that maybe I should be sent to a higher rated private university. She confused him and he got upset. He held a meeting with his siblings, and that made it easy for them to fabricate "facts" against the university. Since it's a lot of money, my uncle became scared and told me to stay at home and take another exams into a different university. Funny, the private university I gained admission into is ranked #4, but since their kids have never been to a good university, they didn't want me to go either. And when you're alone, you don't really know how to fight against a mass of people.
I passed my examination but the pandemic has delayed several processes. His siblings are back again trying to cause another issue. I'm saving up money to leave by myself. I have a friend in that state who wouldn't mind me staying with her
@aviva@jasonmon
I have completely lost track of what's going on here, so I am starting a fresh thread on this poor panoramic post haha
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How are you guys doing?
I'm happy I'm back too. :) and I'm glad to see both of you guys are still around. I'm doing a bit better now haha.
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I'm sure you must have been doing through some rough shit the last few weeks
@xvarnah You don't come off as one that's open about certain things that happen in your "outside Funsubstance" life, but I truly do hope everything works out amazing for you. @jasonmon wanted to update us on something. Not a word from him yet. And I'm not going to leave Funsubstance any time soon :)
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Uh-huh. Is it that obvious? Haha
@aviva I do tend to prefer to keep my life outside funsub OUTSIDE funsub haha. But I appreciate you saying that
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I'm sure Jason will update us as soon as he's done running around with bean toast and motorcycles
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No, actually. But given the shit you've already been through it seemed like a safe guess that things haven't been exactly sunshine and roses
@xvarnah That's totally fine :)
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Lol. I'm positive too
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Yeah. It's been crazy. Soooooo many things happened. I'll make time to text it to you. I'm getting my driver's license soon and my crazy cousin(AKA tiny satan) is afraid she'll get paralyzed after all the evil she's done to me
Also as a side note - I hope you don't mind Jason, but I suggested to cakelover that at some point he may find it interesting to talk to you about some of the subjects you've mentioned in the past. He's a fairly intellectual fellow. I'm not sure if he will take you up on it, but just in case he does I didn't want you blindsided
I am hanging in there. I felt like I had to get through my badness before I could update you guys. I am through it now and I intend to type it out soon. Tomorrow is my last normal day and then I go in to a cycle of craziness for several months. Hopefully I can get myself motivated to give you guys my update before Tuesday :D
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And I hope you are doing well, too!
I'm glad you got through it at least, man. Hardd to believe it's been a year since we took over this post haha
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Even If you can't explain everything I hope you check in now and again and let us know you're still okay
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@xvarnah @aviva
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Also hello!
@xvarnah Check the “dose of blep“ post
Is that a bad thing?
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In seriousness I'm glad both of you are still alive and alright, if not perfect.
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Also not to stress either of you guys, but shikharizard mentioned to me that he did actually stumble across this post, but he said very clearly he has no intention of reading or hanging around as he "doesn't need to know what he's not wanted to know." I'm just putting cards on the table. I don't think he will go against that, but this is whatever you guys feel comfortable with. So we can try and find another post again if you guys want, or just stay here
@Jasonmon Thanks!! Is it good news?
I got news. My dad called me yesterday. For the first time he asked how I was doing and if I was ok where I was. He then said he wanted to make everything right. He sounded like he was about to cry and he seemed sincere about it. My brother said he apologised for everything and wants to start over and fix things with my mom‘s family. He wants to take responsibility for our education now, and possibly withdraw all the lawsuits against my uncle and aunt. I don‘t know if he has really changed but I am willing to hear him out. He‘s the only parent I have left and some of my mom‘s family limit me(a couple of them genuinely love me but love their kids more. So we‘re basically second best).
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As for your news, @Aviva, I agree with @jasonmon 's sentiment overall, although I'm afraid I'm a good deal more jaded than he is haha. Yeah, it'd be great if he's telling the truth, but from the sound of it your dad is manipulative, a career-liar/abuser, and prone to extreme emotional swings. I'd want to know what exactly he plans to do to actually make any forward progress (therapy? Medication? Etc) before I'd be willing to consider letting him take responsibility for things like your education (what does that even entail?).
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Sorry, I'm not trying to be a mood-killer, I just am very very skeptical. Even if he IS being sincere, that doesn't mean he's actually willing/prepared to go the distance.
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Still, I am glad that you're at least getting a bit of a reprieve from all the drama :)
Thanks for being really sweet. Also, @Jasonmon , @Xvarnah was right about my dad(I guess momma bear knows best lol). My dad sued my uncle and aunt AGAIN. As of lately, we are being victimised for being kids to my dad(I‘ll explain when I can type it all out). The husband to the family friend I mentioned that truly cares about me spoke with my uncle on Monday and suggested that we move to a different state and start afresh. He has offered to help finiancially. My uncle is ok with the idea. I have so much to tell you guys.
a. My grandmom and her maid/caretaker.
b. My eldest brother being “mugged“ by some guys in his school.
c. Having to remove two friends from my life.
d. A guy that wants to date me and help me out.
e. An update concerning my “evil“ aunt and the convo with my uncle.
f. Feeling used.
That‘s what I can remember now. Please let me know which you‘d want to hear first, guys.
@Xvarnah That‘s ok. Oh no! I won‘t take a frog near my face! (lol) :P
@jasonmon @xvarnah
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@aviva haha swallow the frog was something I think Mark Twain said. Just means get the worst part over with first. Either way I look forward (kind of? That seems weird to say because it all sounds like it's been stressful, but you know what I mean) to your update
I thought I had time to type out all my issues but my brother came home from a long trip and since we share a room, I had to adjust to his uncleanliness and stress. He is leaving later today and I should be able to type it out after then or early tomorrow finally. I‘m sorry I took so long to respond
( @Jasonmon )
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Other than the fun stuff, I requested that I be allowed to go home and they're saying "no problem" as long as I agree to register as a sex offender in the VI for the next 25 years. Lol. So now I'm circling the wagons and talking to lawyers again. Why does this stuff have to be so ridiculous?
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@aviva I'm glad to hear you're doing a bit better and @jasonmon DEFINITELY don't agree to ANYTHING like that. You're better staying where you are for 25 years than registering as a SO. That's excited about the motorcycle though. I don't know much about bikes but It looks like a nice looking model
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I went to court on 16 April to get my dismissed charges expunged off my record, but the state objected. My attorney said the DAs have too much power right now and in a year or two, I should be able to remove the dismissed crap off my record. For now, that means I’m stuck with my background checks returning awful things like “rape” and “luring a minor” while not being clear that those charges were dismissed.
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I had mentioned one of the guards having sex with a kid in jail. The kid was 22 or 23? The guard was probably in her early 30s. I have learned that 60% of prison rapes happen from guards to inmates. That’s craziness but being a prison guard would be an attractive profession for sadists,
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I mentioned a while ago that I was diagnosed with PTSD, which makes sense. I’m not a crazy person, rocking back and forth and shouting at the clouds. My PTSD just means I have to be careful around things that “trigger” me into an anxiety attack. I thought I was just having a lot of panic attacks, but it turns out I can think about why I am upset and I can easily trace it to a trigger. One trigger used to be the Under Armour logo, because one of the cops who arrested me was wearing an Under Armour shirt. So, now I wear those shirts and the logo is just a logo again. It’s weird. I keep finding and addressing things that freak me out, and my life keeps getting smoother.
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I finished my treatment. They said it would take 2-3 years, but that one person had done it in six months. The lady said she would consider letting me out in six months. I finished the course in two months, and she kept me for another month before letting me go.
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The content of the class itself was super interesting. I didn’t have to do any ammonia huffing; that’s something reserved for pedophiles I guess. They laughed at me because my fantasies weren’t deviant. YOU CAN SKIP THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU WANT. IT DEALS WITH SEXUAL TOPICS (I won’t get too specific about what I wrote for my fantasy, but the most effective fantasies for me involve connection and passion. The book wanted me to throw as many deviant elements into the mix as I could, so I went with a kind of schoolgirl fantasy but then I apparently ruined its potential for deviance because I put down that I was the same age as the girl.) The other guys in the class were
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That was a theme throughout the class. The guys kept saying I made them feel like bad people because I was normal, lol. One guy, my favorite, was like, “Tell me something Jason. You ain’t never shot dope a day in your life, have ya?” and, another time, “Be honest with me: have you ever even stolen anything?”
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Back in the class, chapter 4 was about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and it dug in to what kind of family you came from. Chapter 5 was about learning empathy for others. Chapter six was all about boundaries and healthy communication techniques to foster intimacy. The last two chapters were about behavior chains and how feelings lead to thoughts which lead to behaviors which lead back to feelings. It was really cool to see how to analyze a thought for any “distortions” and substitute the thought for a healthy, non-distorted one.
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After I finished the class, I went out and got other books about the subject and I’m working through them now. Now that I’m done with everything, I know I can communicate two important things to the world: 1) deviant fantasies lead to deviant acts and 2) if you have trouble with deviant fantasies, get help.
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For the second thing, I can make a little course that will help. I can base a series (podcasts, videos, straight text? I’m not sure yet) on what I learned. It turns out you need to learn how to be fulfilled, empathetic, balanced, and successful and also how to communicate, have good boundaries, and allow intimacy (deep connection, not sex per se) in your life. This lifestyle is completely mutually exclusive with committing a sexual assault. I’ve wondered why, for example, so many Hollywood stars tend to engage in sexual misconduct.
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Back to my ideas: literally no one in the world would identify themselves as a potential sex offender. But just about every sex offender accidentally programs themselves (for years!) to commit sexual assault without knowing what they’re doing. There’s obviously a big, dangerous disconnect there.
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To get the word out, I talked to a friend/ex-business partner of mine with lots of marketing experience. She had some good ideas that I might try. The craziest one is an ad on porn sites that would take the form of a cartoon-like quiz to assess if you’re “good” or “crazy” by what you’re in to. I don’t know exactly how to word the quiz but I have a general idea.
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I don’t want to put anyone off, and I’ll tone it way down in the quiz. Like I said, the main goal is to tell people to take a step toward personal accountability in their sexual thoughts. But in a nice, validating, non-judgy way.
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Can you tell I have been studying sex offenders? Haha. Sorry this is so dark but hopefully it’s interesting.
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I now spend time mentally classifying people into different possible offender types. The most obvious one on here is that shikharizard guy who finally left (unless he’s dogscruff, which I half-suspect he is.) He threatened to stab @sinderella and scared her away, even though she was awesome and a great addition to funsub. And he would always be awkwardly and persistently sexual with you, @xvarnah. He’s annoying, but more seriously, through his messages on here he clearly demonstrated resentment, beliefs of sexual entitlement, dominance, defiance, a lack of empathy, egocentricity, hostility, manipulation, blame, and anger. In real life, he could be a very dangerous man. He fits the exact mold of a violent, sadistic rapist. I can get along with most people but I deeply loathe him (and people with those particular qualities)
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That’s my big update. What do you guys think? Am I crazy to be thinking or doing this stuff? I know I have good things to say but I just don’t exactly know where to say them so they help the right people. I’m open to ideas!
I‘m so happy that your PTSD hasn‘t made you incapacitated. It‘s awesome that you‘re healing. I‘m also glad you didn‘t fall into depression.
About writing the letter, I‘m guessing it was one of the most difficult things ever. I‘m happy you did it anyway. If she confesses, will the charges against you be dropped? Do polygraphs make you feel nervous/uncomfortable?
No comment about the fanatsy part but yay, you made a new friend! Maybe you both will be besties and you‘ll be the best man at his wedding or something lol.
I felt Shik was Dogscruff too. I had no idea he did that. I checked out the post myself and read the comments. I don‘t know if I should be scared of Shik.
ToastMasters seems like a great way to positively impact the lives of people one step at a time. You‘ve been really productive so far and I support you. You aren‘t crazy. I was thinking maybe having a youtube channel or writing a book or interviews, I don‘t know ^·^‘
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You have a lawyer, right? Can you appeal? Tbh I've been following a lawyer recently (on the Internet, not like stalking them), and idk if he'd be able to help but I could attempt to reach out to him. I'm not sure if that's something you'd remotely be interested in, so I'm just putting it out there, take it or leave it (or ask for more info)
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After all you've been through I'm not surprised you have PTSD after all you've been through. I am surprised you've been able to identify and work through so many of your triggers. Normally that seems an almost impossible feat for some. But im glad you're getting through it. I wonder if maybe a dog or cat might help?
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I love that they used a polygraph of all things when they've already been so insanely widely discredited. That's insane that they made YOU apologize to HER, especially when you're not even supposed to have contact with her. Have you told anyone she's been trying to get in contact with you?
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I love that they used a polygraph of all things when they've already been so insanely widely discredited. That's insane that they made YOU apologize to HER, especially when you're not even supposed to have contact with her. Have you told anyone she's been trying to get in contact with you?
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I wonder if it isn't beneficial for them to HAVE someone normal sitting with them. I mean besides the instructor, who's job is to tell them what's wrong with them. Idk, Idk enough about the psychology, but it sounds like they DID benefit from your presence.
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Haha this is the part where I try not to point out that feeding cougars is dangerous for the animal
<.< I'm glad you made a friend, though. Whatever he was in for hopefully the classes helped him through it
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I don't remember the pyramid exactly, but I did study nature vs nurture a decent amount at one point in high school (and more outside of it), and it's definitely easy to see how environment/family influences and can often be the direct cause of these kinds of behaviours later in life. I think the statistic is somewhere around 40-60% of abused children will grow up to engage in abuse, including sexual. Number might be higher, not sure
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Also I'm not sure what books you're reading but it sounds interesting. For some reason my brain wants me to bring up a book called "don't, a woman's word" which probably wouldn't be useful at all. But it's told from the perspective of a woman who was actually abused for years by her father and his friends, ostracized by her mother (who blamed her, and in turn turned her siblings against her)....
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As for the shik part, I can pretty well guarantee he's not dogscruff haha. And I'm afraid I'm going to have to come to his defence on this. I know he didn't get along, and was often provocational with people on here, but he also displayed a great deal of respect at certain times, and tried very hard to give Aviva advice when she needed it, particularly about grim.
I'm not going to completely condemn your assessment, mind you, or at least parts of it. He is manipulative, defiant, can certainly have a hell of an ego when he wants to, can get angry, and is in to domination. All of which he will admit openly if you ask him.
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He actually displays a great deal of empathy, just not for everyone and not for every issue. And he definitely is selective about the people he shows respect to. Which he has reasons for. He has reasons for a lot of the way he behaves I think, but they're his reasons, not mine, so I'm not going to get into them.
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@aviva you have no reason to be afraid of Shik. Unless maybe you challenged him to a fight. But even then he makes it clear, repeatedly, that he'd simply have fun watching YOU attempt to do damage, and preventing you from doing so. Men, I imagine he'd have no problem attempting to turn into a puddle on the floor, women he's not so interested in fighting. He actually liked you, at least a little from what I can tell. I thought you still were okay with him after everything with grim, which is why I tagged you in his post about leaving, but if I was incorrect and you were uncomfortable than I apologize
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You're seeking to get help for a group of people most would rather have castrated and flayed alive in an era when "listen and believe" is supposed to be all that matters.
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It's not going to be even a little easy, but if you think you can handle it, then I think what you're trying to do is important, and worthwhile :)
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As for rehabilitation, sex offenders rarely reoffend. The ones that do get put away forever. It feels like a huge risk to release someone from prison and hope they don’t ruin another life, but the alternative is locking everyone (even me) away forever and throwing away the keys. These guys have families and support and hopes and dreams. With treatment, the recidivism rate drops down to something like 5%. Without treatment, it is around 24%. Clearly, something is going right with treatment.
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@aviva, yes, polygraphs are nerve-wracking. I’ll describe that experience for you some day, but you get hooked up to a computer and you can’t move around or look at anything except a white wall. You have to answer a set of nine questions three times in a row and then they tell you if you passed or not.
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@xvarnah, my attorney said that, since I was convicted (via my plea) on ANY charge from the indictment, the state didn’t want my record expunged. None of the charges I pleaded to appeared on my original indictment/warrant so that reasoning doesn’t really make sense. Here’s where it gets scary for me: I read the law and found that, if the feds were going to come after me for the same accusations, the state won’t ever expunge charges.
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All the prisons and jails I went to had male and female inmates. They were separated, but the guards had access to all of us. I think that’s why they encourage a mix of guard sexes. You don’t want female inmates to have only male guards or vice versa. That could be a worse nightmare.
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I’m not saying that all these people would do that. I’ve just been immersed in studying different personalities and part of my brain is now classifying people into categories because that’s what it’s always done. Instead of the usual categories like “rude,” “know-it-all,” “funny,” or “generous,” I have added a bunch of other ones like “possible voyeur” or “possible sadist.”
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The good news is: the core message won’t change and I can start creating it now. Getting people to watch/read/listen to it will be all about the sales funnel; except obviously the “purchase” step would be more like a “consume” step IF I can go with a grant model. It feels weird to charge people money so they don’t go rape people. The inverse is so terrible: people DON’T pay money and then go rape people. How much of a turd would I be to let someone get raped because I wanted money?
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Second, I want to make a little infographic that targets parents about adult friends in their children’s lives. Most are fine, but there are obvious signs of grooming that parents seem to ignore. They need to review the list a couple times a year.
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Third, I want to reach out to RAINN and a couple local groups to see if they like the message. If I get support there, I’d like to brainstorm with professionals involved in the sex counselling scene and come up with even better ideas.
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Last, I intend to make a little website telling people about my goals and making myself available to speak. Maybe. This one is Chelsea’s idea. And actually @xvarnah, up until now, I have never been a competent public speaker. When something needed to be said to a crowd, I’d just throw someone else at it. I’m getting better in front of people but it still isn’t my favorite thing in the world.
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So, what should I call this thing? My first thought was “the rape initiative” but that sounds a little bit pro-rape. My second thought was that I shouldn’t be allowed to name things. Then I was thinking something like saferlives.org, but that already exists.
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Maybe you should get a restraining order against her? Idk if you're even able to, but at this point it feels way too risky for her to be allowed to continue to attempt to get in contact with you, especially when the people working your case seem so corrupt. I hope you made it clear to the parole guy that you want her to leave you alone. And I hope you've mentioned it to your lawyer.
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I'm not sure if you answered my question or not haha, but if you decide you potentially want a second opinion let me know and I can name drop or potentially ask the lawyer about it at some point. It sounds like you're going through bullshit to me, but idk Mich about the legal system
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Yeah, I've heard of co-ed guards and male/female prisons, and I think it's a horrible idea. If they want to keep them in the same facility fine but the male guards at no time should have access to female inmates or vice versa
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He is haha. We've talked about it, he's gone. And you don't have to apologize/i wasn't being nice lol. We both were just citing our honest opinions on the situation. shik isn't everyone's cup of tea. Some of what he says can certainly be alarming. I know it, he knows it, everyone knows it. He does have sadistic tendencies, and he openly stated he's likely on the sociopath/machiavellian spectrum (at least according to interwebz quizzes). But when it comes to being an offender (at least a sex offender) I'd fairly readily vouch that that's not what he's about at all.
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Anyway, defence rests x) and I understood what you were trying to say, and I can see why you'd use him as an example. And there are a lot of alarming behaviours and personality traits that can come to the surface when you start knowing what to look for. To quote Yogi Bera "you can observe a lot by watching." I don't think we have any pedophiles on the site, but you really never know what's going on inside someone's head. But sometimes things they don't say, and the way they say things, can reveal a side of people you'd never have thought otherwise
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Haha I'm not talking about just booing, sadly. I haven't really been bringing it up much on this site actively because it's drama and this site isn't for that, but I'll use it as an example.
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As a result he lost his job with two companies and almost every convention (conventions are where these people actually make their living), his SEO got annihilated, people attempted removing his credits from works he'd already done, and various other things. People went above and beyond to do everything they could to make certain this man would never ever be able to work again.
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Several people (including the lawyer I mentioned previously) started speaking out about how screwed up the entire thing was, and doing everything they could to try and put a halt to this guy's life being torn down.
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The reason I'm saying all this is that, as a result of them being outspoken in Vic's defense-- and being EFFECTIVE-- these people have faced a huge amount of backlash.
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People have attempted to have them banned/deplatformed/blacklisted/demonetized and copyright struck across all social media. They've threatened to "fucking cancel" these people and Done their best to dox them (release personal info/pictures to the Internet at large). They've sent death threats, not just to the people standing up but about their families. They've threatened to send CPS to one guy's
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The lawyer I mentioned had at least 4 different people, possibly more, send letters to the bar association, trying to get him disbarred. They've also mass-attacked his firm's review pages with made up stories to destroy his livelihood.
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It sounds like you have a good start at least. I guess the thing I'd recommend is try watching streams/podcasts for awhile just to get a feel for what works. You'd also probably want to set up a dedicated email address that people can contact you at (and so your real email doesn't get completely bogged down) if they want. It's a very sensitive...
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Tbh there's a lot of podcasters etc who would probably be interested in your message, I imagine the hardest thing would be convincing them you're interesting enough to have on their show. And by that I don't mean I find you boring haha. I mean the easiest way to draw someone into a podcast is to have a name people recognize. The Less familiar the name, the less likely people are to show up to hear from "some guy." And they also want to avoid trolls
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Haha I don't think public speaking is anyone's favourite thing in the world
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No for the love of God don't name it the rape initiative haha. That's right up there with "therapistfinder."
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When I was a kid I had a stuffed mouse named mousey and a stuffed wolf named wolfey. That should give you an idea of my propensity to name things haha.
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@xvarnah, thank you SO MUCH for the offer of the lawyer. I really like and respect Vic Mignogna and I’ve been following his story closely. Poor guy. I had no idea his sympathizers were getting blowback like that. I hope it has died down a bit, now that it’s public knowledge that many of the accusations were fabricated.
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I have big news... I am FINALLY going home tomorrow! :D The last two months were a crazy road. The Virgin Islands suddenly wanted me to register as a sex offender because my (dismissed) accusations were originally sexual in nature. I got lawyers involved up here and down there to explain that’s not how the system works and FINALLY they said I could come back without registering, but with the vague threat that they might change their mind at any point and arrest me for Failure to Register as a Sex Offender. My attorney (and good friend) down there told me if they actually did that, it would just be “paperwork” and not to worry about it.
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The other thing on my mind is my death threats. Bad People told me not to come back or they would kill me. This all happened last year, before my case was dropped, so I think I’ll be good now. This weekend, I am going to find the main dude behind the death threats, Curtis, and explain to him what happened and hopefully he can tell his friends to back off. Being accused of something like this is not for the faint of heart! I’m nervous to return, but I’m not going to avoid home because I’m scared. I’d literally rather die doing what’s right, as opposed to living my life in fear over what might happen.
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I’m just kind of communicating to all my friends that this is what I want to do and it’ll probably be fine. If I end up arrested or worse, it was my choice and I’ll still stick by it.
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I will still be on probation down in the VI, so I’ll have to fly to Oregon every month and check in. That is a bit annoying but it will be nice to see all my friends and family every month. It’ll give me a chance to continue sharpening my public speaking skills.
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Since I wrote you guys last, I shifted to doing a couple of podcasts instead of a video series. One will be my story because it is insane, and the other about how I can help the world with what I talked about last time. In essence, the second podcast is aimed at adapting sex offender treatment to be useful to someone BEFORE they commit a sex offense.
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People are interested in both stories. An old business partner of mine, Chelsea, has been working in Internet marketing for the last several years and she has been putting my name out there.
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@xvarnah, I think you’re right about porn sites not wanting to run an ad like that. I think you’re also right that I have to avoid the violent video games = violent adults correlation.
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Shifting gears, the letter I had to write to the girl was awful to articulate. I dug it up for you guys and pasted it below. It was SO HARD to know what to say, because I feel like I’m a victim who is apologizing to the person who is responsible for my victimization.
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They told us to write the first sentence. The second sentence is all I really wanted to communicate with her. The rest is just carefully taking responsibility for “messing up” in a non-specific way while being polite and, most importantly, not inviting any future contact from her.
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Dear L***,
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I'll leave it up to you to decide whether you even want to read this letter.
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I want you to know that I don't wish you any harm and I don't have any hard feelings toward you. That said, being there for you in your times of need made me feel happy and important. Now I understand I was in over my head and I made a mess of things with you. Words can’t describe how terrible that makes me feel. I hope that someday you can find it in you to forgive me. If you don't, I understand. Just know that I wish you a happy future that includes quality relationships.
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I am deeply sorry. I hope you are able to recover from any negative impact I had on you.
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Wishes to a healthy future,
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Jason
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Blah.
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I think that’s my whole update for now. Did I leave out anything? How have you guys been? @aviva, I saw some random chat yesterday where you mentioned you weren’t having a good time. We’re here for you if you want to talk!
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I’ll be in touch with you guys to let you know things are okay! It feels like some cosmic being hit a Pause button on my life in January, 2018, and tomorrow they are hitting the play button. I feel like everything is coming together for me :)
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Tbh I've tried not to bring the Vic stuff up too much because it's so heavy, it makes me endlessly infuriated, and this doesn't feel the right forum for that drama. But given it does deal with false accusations I was tempted to bring it up to you on many occasions haha.
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If you do start your blog/etc then it would probably be worth looking into in more depth. 'I honestly couldn't begin to "sum it up" (maybe someone else could, but I'm not that person) so if you want insight into it then I could try and answer anything you might want to know. But the blowback is actually getting more extreme - which is to be expected.
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One of the affiants in the case is spamming conventions and companies, harassing them to get rid of Vic, and nevermind the fact there is photographic/video evidence of her forcing open mouthed kisses on two 14/15 year olds at a con.
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Another guy covering the topic had his identity doxed, hismailbox smashed in, his wife's miscarriages brought up. And a con that invited Vic got mass-flagging on Facebook and lost all it's ability to purchase advertising on the site - the official reason being that the con is racist for (wait for it) inviting chuck Norris (and another person I can't recall) because Chuck Norris is conservative.
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As for your news - that is extremely amazing to hear! I am absolutely thrilled for you! When do you go back, do you know? How will you get your bike there? (<- I have my priorities in order as you can see). I sincerely hope you talk with your lawyer THOROUGHLY about the "paperwork," because the last thing you want is a freaking loophole getting you labelled as a SO over there..
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Still, again, really exciting news! I'm sincerely thrilled that things are starting to work out :)'Well, idk much about youtubing. One guy stated "the key to successful streaming is to ramble without seeming like you're rambling. Always make it seem like you're working toward a point." No idea if that's actually sound advice, mind you, but there you go
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I've never heard of Catherine Home. Curious what she's going through. Either way it sounds like you have some allies/starting points and that's always a good thing
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I think you did a decent job on the rest of the letter, but I have serious problems with it existing at all. Offering an apology to a false accuser 1) implies guilt that can be held against you later and 2) offers her positive reinforcement, which is a disgusting and dangerous thing to do. To be clear I'm not directing this at you - I know you didn't have a choice - I'm just saying it's absolutely wrong.
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I hope everything is still a go for you and you're holding up well. And the same for you, @aviva - happy second-early birthday
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@aviva, Happy Birthday! :D I have high hopes this year will be the best yet for you. You're going to have a lot of changes in scenery and work load but you've got this. Don't let anyone take advantage of your niceness. Look for the best in people. As you jump out into the world, be selective with whom you spend time. Idk why I'm giving you unsolicited advice but there it is haha
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@xvarnah, the same goes for you; you have personally helped me a lot. Thank you for being awesome. I appreciate your steadfast positivity and presence on this site. I absolutely think of you as a dear friend as well.
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Happy August 21st!
Thank you so much! I'm positive about that too. And I know I'm prepared to face whatever it is. I can be kind but I'm definitely not stupid. Recently, I haven't been spending time with anyone at all actually , and I'm not anti -social or anything but I feel ok. And thank you so much for your advice! It's good to know what to do and what not to do from someone with more experience.
It's absolutely ok. I doubt you're 'religious' but I prayed for you and about it and tried my best to at least cheer you up when you were in a terrible place. It wasn't much (and possibly 'insignificant') but I'm glad things didn't completely fall apart. Now you're home, see! :). I'm glad I'm now a dear friend. It's an honor. Before, I was a bit afraid of talking to you because I didn't want to make things worse. I'm glad you're part of the FunSub family too! :)
THANK YOU VERY MUCH! :D
ASSEMBLE!
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I am really glad you are going to university now. And I'm so relieved your uncle is guaranteeing a place for you to stay when other people are failing you. Getting out of this situation and in to school will help you on lots of levels: you will be away from the toxic people in your life, you will be busy with class work and learning, you will meet lots of new, shiny people. I would say to be careful, but I know you'll kick butt there.
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Please don't run away or live in a shelter. Once you widen your social circle a little bit, you will see that there are other options. Did your eldest brother cost you the offer from that guy and his wife to pay for your schooling?
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I'm happy to know you're all good. I'm sad to hear about your loss. I'm sure she was absolutely amazing as you said. How did everything go? Did you get overwhelmed and stay back, or pushed yourself to go?
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I was in court yesterday and I was surprised at how much he stood up for me. Thank God I'm not alone. And thanks so much. Those are some of the reasons why I want to go. Both my brothers want to live with my dad and the eldest may most likely leave tomorrow. I need to be somewhere that'll distract me from the drama...
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@aviva I hope you're staying safe wherever it is you're going right now. Do you know when you'll be starting school? Don't let what your brothers are doing make you feel guilty or second-guess yourself. They have to do what they have to do. You just need to focus on you. I agree with Jason, I'm so glad your uncle is there for you right now and that you're not handling this all alone
...I definitely won't live in a shelter, I refuse to be homeless lol. Starting school is my way of running away. I am going to live on campus. Thank you. My eldest brother didn't. He isn't close to them like I am so barely ever talks with them both.
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I did but I don't think he was willing to listen because he doesn't want to admit that he did really wrong. If he won't even admit it, I don't think he has changed and I want nothing to do with him. Yes, and I'll remember that. Noted. I remember you've given me that advice before. I won't forget it. What are you going through? It sucks that life has been rough on you too. I hope everything get totally better soon.
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I'll just give you my email. When emergencies come up, it's much easier to reach me and for me to reach others through that. Ill remember that. Thank you so so much.
@Jasonmon Where are you!?
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Are you getting to go to school next term?
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@xvarnah how are you? I've been so frustrated by the series of setbacks that Vic Mignogna has been going through. Hopefully he is hanging in there. He seems like a good guy who won't let this get him down too much.
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I know things have been a bit rough on @aviva 's end lately.
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I'm not doing too bad. Had a few hiccups in my life lately but hopefully nothing that won't get better in time :)
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For the Vic thing - I'm not sure if you're following it or not. It's slowed down a bit, but it's certainly been a unique case study in false-accusations and the way modern society responds. Because most people in his situation would end up going through something closer to what you went through.
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Vic is doing well from what I can tell, but keep in mind it's the people he called friends that are doing all this to him. His first reaction when rumors started circulating was to call Monica Rial for advice - only to learn she was one of the women accusing him of everything.
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He's admitted that he's had to seek a therapist and is currently on antidepressants since all this started. As well as blood pressure medication, but I'm not sure if that's because of this or not
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-Almost anyone that speaks up in his defence is almost instantly labelled as a "women-hating" "rape-apologist." Shortly after rumors suddenly start circulating about how they must be child-abusers, too. This includes the voice actor hired to replace Vic at funimation
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One of the women whose only claim against Vic was that he touched her hair has apparently received financial assistance for her legal fees from a sexual assault victims' fund.
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The judge dismissed all of Vic's lawsuits. The general consensus seems to be that the judge doesn't understand the culture, and that he doesn't want to waste his time going through the evidence once when it will just get appealed anyway
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*the witness in question was Christopher Slatosh, whom runs Kamehacon, and was pressured by Monica Rial, Ron Toye, and Chris Sabat to cancel his contracts with Vic because Vic was going to be arrested and formally charged as a pedophile
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She even went so far as to go on a broadcast talking about how brave these women are and how this is anime's "MeToo" movement
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This looked like it would continue inevitably until a journalist from a different website contacted the editor of DMN and asked if they approved of their journalist's behavior.
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The editor denied that the journalist would ever behave that way. Shortly after a new article dropped, however, and it was the first one even resembling unbias since the entire thing started.
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Basically what it means is the lawyer filed a motion to let the court know that sometime in the future he MIGHT file a motion asking to subpoena someone.
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The entire point of doing this was seemingly to try and make Nick's address public information, as well as to intimidate because.. Well, frankly, Nick calls them names and they don't like it.
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He's the one that started the GoFundMe, but has no actual involvement with the case other than in a freelance journalistic capacity.
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Vic is being forced to pay legal fees for the defendants due to losing the Anti-SLAP. I believe the defence wanted close to 500,000$ or more between them for damages and to "discourage this behavior in the future." The judge awarded them something like 50,000$ apiece, with the exception of Monica Rial and Ron Toye, whom get 25,000 apiece.
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Next term as in next year?
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@xvarnah I've had a really rough week and I almost collapsed last month. It had been extremely difficult like someone raise the difficulty since November 1st to a 10000000.
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Since I get really carried away. Lemme tell you guys in bits. So after my aunt's got to my uncle and scared him out of sending him away to school they also managed to scare him into believing that it was best that I stay at home "just in case." He denied my appeal to learn how to drive. It's all crazy, especially now that the child's rights know this address and seem to want to favour my dad. They could try something crazy if they have the idea that I'm always at home 24/7. A cousin told me that her mom wants me gone since I'm taking away my uncle's attention from her.
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And idc what they want - you're 18. They can NOT force you to go live with him. Do not let them. I don't know if there's a shelter or somewhere you can go if they try. Maybe a YWCA? I wouldn't suggest it except as a last resort but you can't allow their abusive hatefulness to force you back into a terrible situation - or cost you your health
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The child rights are trying to sway my decision of staying. I was told that my dad got a hold of someone higher in rank than them and convinced that person to pass an order to make us(my siblings and I) being "returned" a top priority. I'm not even a child anymore for them to still be on my case. We're in court even.
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Their hatred for me won't make me go back. This crazy aunt I live with(my mom's twin) ate my food(my uncle gave it to me through her) with her daughters last Wednesday. I found out when one of her daughters told me. There's so much I'm going to tell my uncle when I see him.
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I really think it might be time to talk to your uncle about finding a lawyer or something from out of town if possible. They literally cannot make you go live with your father and what they're doing sounds entirely illegal. You need to get out of that town as soon as possible and I hope you stress all this to your uncle
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They know they can't make me go back to my dad so they try to make it unbearable for me here and to also make me look as bad as they possibly can. This uncle's wife travels often. She wants me to come stay with her in a different state for a month or two. She wants to speak with my uncle first to see what he thinks. A lawyer for against my dad?
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That would be exciting to get to go live with your traveling aunt for a couple months!
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@xvarnah, I knew about 70% of that stuff but not nearly all of it. I was shocked when that judge ruled Vic's suit was a SLAPP suit. Vic seems like such a great guy, it kills me that he's being treated like this. I hope he id still finding ways to connect with his fan base. Is he doing any VA work rn? Is he still unofficially banned from making appearances at any conventions?
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I think going to live with her sounds like a good idea. If possible maybe she can help you either get into a school or possibly a short term job while you're with her
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He also demonstrated that he doesn't understand comic conventions at all. His reaction to the tortious interference claim was that, since Vic had managed to convince the con to rehire him (after firing him twice thanks to rial, sabat, and toye), despite Vic having to pay for extra security, there were no damages.
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He told them point blank to try mediation because otherwise this will all end up being appealed by one side or the other.
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As for the conventions - it depends. I know Stan Dahlin (Monica's witness who claimed what she said never happened) and possibly Chris Slatosh were both cut out or threatened to be cut out of the con-circle by some of the other con owners for not murdering Vic in the street with the rest of them. I feel bad for slatosh - I'll be surprised if he holds a con next year. But there are a lot of cons willing to have him. I'm pretty sure Vic will always have a place at Anime Matsuri at this point. They received so many threats for inviting him, which all culminated in three angry cosplayer's sitting in a bar somewhere nearby talking about how much they hate the con.
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Either way they kind of screwed up. A group of unlikeable and hateful people targeted a very nice person who was well known for being a very nice person and even though they cost him a lot, I'm pretty sure he's never felt support from the community more. I don't think they'll succeed in taking away all his future opportunities, and that's important. Just like it is for you.
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Did you ever decide to go talk to that person btw? You mentioned you were thinking about it
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About that aunt, I'm not really in speaking terms with her confided in her over the years and just a month before my exams(a couple of months ago), she told my grandmother's second daughter about it. I went through hell. I had to find my way to the exam center early in the morning and left without eating anything. I haven't been eating a lot and I'm pretty sure I started developing an ulcer.
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I'm still going to stay strong. I'm moving out.
I passed my examination but the pandemic has delayed several processes. His siblings are back again trying to cause another issue. I'm saving up money to leave by myself. I have a friend in that state who wouldn't mind me staying with her
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How are you? @aviva
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Did you get through to your uncle at all?
That's okay
I'm doing mostly good. How about you?
At this point, I'm just waiting to see how things unfold
@xvarnah
I have completely lost track of what's going on here, so I am starting a fresh thread on this poor panoramic post haha
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How are you guys doing?
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I'm sure you must have been doing through some rough shit the last few weeks
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Uh-huh. Is it that obvious? Haha
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I'm sure Jason will update us as soon as he's done running around with bean toast and motorcycles
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No, actually. But given the shit you've already been through it seemed like a safe guess that things haven't been exactly sunshine and roses
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Lol. I'm positive too
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Yeah. It's been crazy. Soooooo many things happened. I'll make time to text it to you. I'm getting my driver's license soon and my crazy cousin(AKA tiny satan) is afraid she'll get paralyzed after all the evil she's done to me
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And I hope you are doing well, too!
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Even If you can't explain everything I hope you check in now and again and let us know you're still okay