Rules to learning English

I read this then realized I couldn't read this it makes my brain hurt.

This is so freakin' hard to read

Best part is "hemingay"

It didn't make sense to me because I pronounce our like hour not are

*twitches uncomfortably and hisses, slowly backing away*

*twitch *twitch

Well if you pronounce our correctly that sentence is dumb

.....Back away slowly, Kass. Back away slowly...

I've seen this plenty of times before, but I still don't understand. Can someone please explain?

"There are no rules".. for those who can't read it ;)