It's not pity. It's empathy. I'm screwed up too. It's the sadness that shows when I catch a glimpse of hurt in your heart that looks like hurt I've seen in my own. That's how it is with me, anyway. And I've been just as scared letting people see me for a similar reason but my fear is disappointment and rejection.
Well, for us, talking to normal people, it's not empathy in their eyes. Empathy means that they have gone through what we have, and they know what we feel.
You and me? Empathy. One of us to someone who had a normal life? Pity.
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· 9 years ago
Remember that you see the outside of their lives and not the inside. Their lives might not be as normal as you think they are.
Someone I know says something like "don't compare their onstage with your backstage" because we never really see other people's behind the scenes, you know?
No, I meant people who just have decent lives. No huge ups or downs. No depression fits where they contemplated taking their own lives just to end the emotional pain. When you try to talk to them about your issues, I hate the pity in their eyes. Then they try to understand you, when the only way they could understand is to go through what you have.
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· 9 years ago
I get you. My husband is like that. He's never dealt with depression so he doesn't get it at all. "why can't you just get out of bed and do stuff?" Yeah it's not that easy...
I'm wondering if maybe what you see as pity could be love, depending on how close they are to you? My parents did that too but now that I'm older and we've talked about my growing up years and their perspective of it, they wanted to help me but had no idea how to help, they felt helpless and hurt because I was hurt and they couldn't make it better. Maybe it's like that. Like "I want to help you but your pain is too deep for me to handle and I'm scared to address it."
I think it's pity too, not empathy and I hate it. I had a pretty screwed up youth and one year, when things at home were really bad, I told a friend about it. She invited me to spend Christmas with her family. Iniviting me to her perfect family on a holiday that is all about family - that just made things worse for me. I was the screw up with no real home who they pitied. I'm sure she tried to understand what I felt but she just couldn't possibly since she never experienced the same thing. And you can't really explain it to them. I made these experiences so often that I do not tell people anymore what my life has been like because I hate this pity.
What would you rather people feel? How would you like them to respond? Just nod their heads and say "ok"? Because that's not what friends do. Friend WANT to help each other out.
And that's why you first meet people on the Internet because that's where we can show our true selves through the anonymity of a username, then once you meet up it'll be all awkward again but at least you two can have some sort of idea as to what's going on in your little minds.
I'm not sure if I condone internet-based relationships though...
oh well whatever floats your boat...
If I had told 12 year old me that I would be fine in the future and even proved it to myself I don't think my young mind would have believed it. It's weird how our brains sabotage us. The truth is that you find good in you and around you and you hold on to it with all your might. No one is perfect and some ppl are really good about lying that they've never felt pain. I think it's because they realize that no one really cares and some ppl even enjoy seeing others suffer. So you pick yourself up. Wipe your face and say " I'm going to feel great today" and it gets easier everyday. Remember that it could be worse. Know that you will have what you need. And at some point you will be so glad to have gotten to a place where you can wish you knew then what you know now.
You and me? Empathy. One of us to someone who had a normal life? Pity.
Someone I know says something like "don't compare their onstage with your backstage" because we never really see other people's behind the scenes, you know?
I'm wondering if maybe what you see as pity could be love, depending on how close they are to you? My parents did that too but now that I'm older and we've talked about my growing up years and their perspective of it, they wanted to help me but had no idea how to help, they felt helpless and hurt because I was hurt and they couldn't make it better. Maybe it's like that. Like "I want to help you but your pain is too deep for me to handle and I'm scared to address it."
I'm not sure if I condone internet-based relationships though...
oh well whatever floats your boat...