INFOMERCIAL

*Falls out of the car*
*screams toward the sky, tears falling down my face*
WHYYYYYY
WHYYYYYYY!

*walking up stairs*
*royally screws up and trips breaking neck*
YOU NEED A STAIR CHAIR

I work in a hospital. That's probably a bad idea.

*rolls a die in pathfinder*
*rolls a 1*
Well, i guess it's the same

*laptop flies out of my lap*
GOSH DARNIT BILLY NOT AGAIN
*random voice in the back*
DO YOU NEED THE NEW AND I MEAN BRAND SPANKIN NEW THING CALLED A TABLE IT'S INNOVATED SO IT IS EVEN BETTER THAN OUR OLD TABLE

My cousin screamed that at me while I was eating a cupcake, and I wasn't expecting it, so I mashed it into my face when I jumped, and she said it didn't count, so I had to go get a second cupcake and retry; which then resulted in frosting in my hair. At least I got two cupcakes out of it

*throws phone across room*
*the socket that the charger is plugged into comes with it* OH GOSH DARNIT.

*holding baby*
INFOMERCIAL
Me: TOUCHDOWN!!!!!

*Somehow drops phone out of the closed window and falls off of the bed through the now broken window*

What's on TV?
Only an infomercial!
*Drops the remote in acid*