Fox

"Hey buddy, you okay? You need cuddles?"

He's trying to get you home okay

Is it sad I immediately thought of "foxy lady..." :-) that lil thing is adorable.

"You have to come with me, you're the promised hero"

"Dude, you're wasted, get up"

Not sure whether to pet it and make cooing noises or scream and run away since it's a feral animal.

Foxes are too good for us

And? What did the fox say?

He's stealing your pants to cut up and sell as hamster shawls

All I can think of is Rocket after some guy's prosthetic leg.

"Get up or I'll drag you home."