Accurate

Also add like 200 "quick trips" to funsubstance because "it'll help you sleep"- my brain

And by the time you've finished it's five minutes until the alarm goes off

Wake up earlier and you'll sleep earlier, unless you have insomnia.

When I was young I was like that, but then I went to the Army. When you do sleep deprivation exercises for 72 hours you learn to catch 5 minutes sleeping while standing if you can. The way I have learned to continue doing this, even though I am no longer in the service is one of two ways. Either physically exert yourself throughout the day by running, working, lifting weights or sex right before bed. If you're single, rubbing one out is a good substitute.

Last night I went to bed at 9pm and woke up at 5am tired as shit, but when I usually go to sleep at 1am and get up at 5 I'm refreshed as ever

Normally takes me a while to get to sleep- I'll just lie there waiting for sleep. Drives me crazy. Adjusting positions and all that- very annoying. Then there's the nights once in a blue moon where I'll lay down and be asleep within 10 minutes followed by sleeping for 15 hours straight.