How to to get away from being late

what would be your excuse for not coming into work?
“my mom died today, i’m going to meet with my siblings”
(show up at work half an hour later)
“I’m ready to start my shift!”

I actually did this. I hated that job so bad. But I loved it.

I'm always early. I can't stand being late

Or if you're never late, once or twice won't be a huge deal.

Did a lamp just assume that my boss is a man? :O sexist lamp

What if it backfired like:
Me: I'm not coming today.
Boss: Great, then just Don't ever come back anymore.
Me show up at work.
Boss: Why are you still coming. I thought I made it clear already.
That would be ugly.