I steal my stuff too

which is fucking retarded because I wrote the damn thing

But how? I understand academia and papers. But, a speech? Am I plagiarizing myself when I repeat myself without giving my previous self credit? Comedians tell the same joke at different venues and they don't have to have a tag saying "I told this same joke on Fallon three weeks ago...." Right?

Well she isn't but using a paper you wrote for something else would. It's weird

It shows that somebody somewhere did not care enough about the new location and topic, and therefore did not create new material. The example of comedians using the same material does not work here. The President has a State of the Union speech to give every year. That doesn't mean he uses the same speech each time.

'Correction: The headline of this story was changed to reflect that Trump reused portions of an earlier speech rather than "plagiarized" it.'
http://www.newsweek.com/ivanka-trump-speech-india-plagiarized-recycled-tokyo-725805
This settles my questions anyway

If I get two assignments from unrelated courses that very closely match in their purpose, why the hell should I do research all over again when I've already learned the material?

Nobody stated you had to research the material again. Just using the exact same material would not be considered correct by some teachers. I don't care if I get downvoted for my statements.

This is why I need to become dictator of my own small country. So I can lord over it and beat stupid people who think: flat earth is a thing, using your own material is plagiarism, antivaxxers, and net neutrality is bad. Among other things.

Just because it's not allowed in academia doesn't mean it's plagiarism. Here's the definition of plagiarism: the practice of taking [someone else's] work or ideas and passing them off as one's own. It's impossible to plagiarize your own work.

Do people here seem to miss the fact that they have speech writers? Not just one, but multiple speech writers? That is where the grey area is for the plagiarism. Instead of insulting one another, try and figure out why the other people believe what they believe. Nobody said you had to agree with one another. However, no need to be so negative about the thoughts of others. Jesus Christ. I've turned into my psych professor.

I have no idea what you just said or why this is still going. I'm just gonna unfollow now

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.