Let me just grab a little ass before we are officially married

Pastor: ‘Do you take this woman with her delightfully squeezable behind to be your lawful-wedded wife?’
Mother-In-Law: ‘Touch my daughter’s backside like that one more time and you won’t have a left hand for her to put a ring on. Keep it classy!’ *smack*

Is that the groom or the pastor?

Mother of the bride: "Stop that shit this is a church. This is why her Daddy is by the door with a shotgun."