In my defense, he was paid millions to do that

Tom Cruise makes millions just on Scientology commissions alone. He doesn't have a "day job" except for working out. If someone paid you to work out, you would be in shape too.

He used to be taller, then he jumped from a plane. True story, the $millions helped him deal.

i read that as 506 and really i wouldn't be that surprised if he was immortal

You know he’s not actually doing those things you fucking idiot. He plays people for healthy cooked food and exercise trainers.