I think the choice here is pretty obvious

Tfw your family catches you with your dick inside your calculator.

I have a Casio fx300 that I'm still using after more than 15 years.

I'm pretty sure she has her own money and doesn't need the peanuts you make

A good half of my classmates call me Calculator... and I did save the grade of the person sitting next to me in our last accounting final.
Also I'm low maintenance and even if now I've forgotten some stuff I'm pretty sure I can get back on track with complex equations. Alo really loyal.
Therefore, I'm a calculator.
Thanks for opening my eyes! Gonna file the paperwork to get identified as who I am now.