What bills you be paying to slam my doors

Point my wooden spoon at him and say in my southern mama voice "I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST SLAM MY SCREEN DOOR! AND YOU BETTER WIPE THOSE FEET OR THAT SCREEN DOOR WONT BE THE ONLY THING BEING SLAPPED AROUND HERE! Coming to my house slamming doors like you pay rent. Who the hell do you think you are? Big ass honking feet I know you ain't stepping in my freshly mopped kitchen with that filth. And I ain't even foolin with you neither!"

I’m sure at least one of my cats would’ve whacked him as he came in