Humiliating defeat!

Maybe it's time to take a good, long look at what you want to do with your life, who you want to become, because this sparkle of joy is fleeting while the crushing feeling of doom is permanent.

Baby steps. Start going to the gym, you'll feel healthier. Start looking for a job but evaluate your priorities, you don't have to take the first thing if it seems like a shit job that'd only make you miserable. Help your aunt with chores. Little things like that. Progress doesn't happen overnight.