Truth be told

When a “good guy” or “nice guy” elevates a woman to a position of worship or treats her like an alien and not like a person- he might think he’s being cute or romantic or that’s how it’s “supposed to be-“ but as a human being it’s offputting to most (perhaps for some it is gratifying or ego boosting at least for awhile..) and after awhile- it gets to be a bit much. Sometimes you need to speed up some aspects of a relationship- and show down others. It depends on the person.

For some people- sex is casual. They might perform some kinky sex acts than kiss a person they don’t know or share an appetizer. For some sex is very intimate and romance etc is more casual. So perhaps she’d be fine with you fixing her computer or doing her laundry- if you’d been together for years. But after 1,6,14 months it may be too much personal intimacy too fast. She may be slower to open up to that and feel those things need to be earned. Remember 2 things. 1. If you go 100% every day- what do you do for special occasions or circumstances- or as the relationship grows? 2. Most humans partially perceive value based on availability. If everything you have is open to anyone from day one- you aren’t treating her special- you’re treating her the same as you would anyone else no? She doesn’t feel like she’s given enough to receive what you are giving-

and well- how would you feel if a new partner bought you a gaming PC or a new car? Personally I’d think it is too much too soon even if I wanted it. I’d feel like they were trying to buy me or like I hadn’t yet “earned it” or be worried what they expected in return a little.

And of course- a lot of time- “excessive” “good guy behavior” can make you look like a baaaad Guy. It can make you look like a neck beard, needy, or... it can do something you probably didn’t consider- it can make you look like a player. Yeah. Most self described or close circle described nice guys would maybe laugh a little at the thought of being called a “player.” But examine it- if you’re saying the right things, doing the right things, and from her perspective- coming on strong: you’re moving at a pace in what she’s getting emotionally and romantically and in other ways that most guys in her experience don’t. You can make yourself seem too good to be true- and as people we naturally tend to wonder when something seems to be too good to be true: “what’s the catch?”

So be a good guy- but remember a relationship is give and take- it’s about what you an give and what you want. Any “deal” where what you are offering seems like it is way more than what you are asking seems suspicious to most people. Overcompensation isn’t just trying to act “alpha” or flash money around- if you come off as too good to be true- it can look like overcompensation too. Either for some horrible thing you haven’t revealed or are planning to do- or for your own issues such as validation or low self esteem- and these things can be huge warning signs for someone who wants a relationship without the complications and problems these can cause as things go on.

I’ve found that a good portion of the “nice guys” that’ve asked me out never really spoke to me before hand. They just walk up to you one day (or more likely text you for the first time) and ask you out. Granted I don’t have a lot of dating experience, but I know I’ve only ever said yes to one person and they were my best friend before they ever asked. Friendship, knowing a person, and having them know you drastically improves your chances. Idk anyone who just picks up long term partners off the street or says “ya’know that rlly creepy guy in HR? Well he’s been following me home lately so I think we should get together”

Lol. True. And a sweet story.

Did somebody mention Creepy guy :D. Also guest_ you need more upvotes for your wisdom

lol. This is one creepy_guy that we don’t mind having around with or without the kind words I thank them for.