This tells a lot about society

One can simply not conflate gender roles and sexuality- although that’s easier said than done given the sexual dynamics at play- eg: certain traits are just natively attractive on the whole in abstract because of human evolution. Primal drives will lead us to seek or favor certain traits u til mutation and deviation change those drives.

One could expand their definitions of sexuality, or gender roles- but what good is a classification system if it doesn’t provide useful data? At that point- there isn’t much value in classifying things in binary terms.

Using the “two party system” as an example- if we have “liberals” and “conservatives” you are one or the other. Yet someone who is financially conservative might be liberal on social matters, they may lean for tight gun control, they may favor open borders, they may support social welfare because cost analysis leads them to believe that it is costs less than dealing with the consequences and societal harms.

So then- what does this label “conservative” tell us about this person? It is SUPPOSED to tell us where they stand on issues right? If one elected a “conservative” president and woke up in an administration that legalized all narcotics, and made land free for anyone to build a home... you’d likely be confused. But those ARE conservative- they go to tradition and law of long ago- to the frontier spirit of America- but one would label these as “progressive” or “liberal” most likely.

So if being a “male” (GENDER NOT SEX) means whatever you want it to mean- what then... is the function of gender roles? They won’t tell you anything. A “man” isn’t the bread winner, a man may cry, a man doesn’t necessarily keep his word or his responsibilities- a man doesn’t by default like women or male babies with them. A man doesn’t even necessarily have a penis (even if you don’t believe in transgendered makes being men- the fact is that some biological males don’t have penises.)

So- what does that word mean? What is a “man”? How does a male become a man? If gender and sex are the same thing- why do we have both? If gender and sex are the same- why do we see certain things as “belonging” to or being favorable in people of a given sex/gender?

If we can say- the world is capable of assessing and assigning gender identity- how can we say that it cannot be changed? How can we say it cannot e changed when we have seen the roles and ideas of gender change in our own lifetime and throughout history?

So the short answer is- that it isn’t seen as “gay” for two women go cuddle because that behavior is socially acceptable for women due to the gender roles we have assigned. Two men cuddling is considered “gay” by many because of the gender roles we have assigned to men. We can change those gender roles- but it takes a process called “normalization.” Gender roles aren’t sat down and decided upon- they are formed through a combination of instinct shared by most humans of a group, culture/history, and through what we see in the world around us.

That we grow up with and around tends to be seen as normal to us. If you want to be able to cuddle men- you have to go cuddle men until it is seen as normal for heterosexual men to cuddle.

These sorts of social changes don’t happen over night or even often in a lifetime. Gays couldn’t marry until not too many years ago- and history and modern times have had some of the most prolific, most public figures being gay. It takes time for people to accept what is new to them.

You’re fighting history. A parent grows up in a world where men cuddling is shameful and wrong to society. They raise a child, their views and opinions on this are usually passed to the child to an extent. The child grows up in a world where it happens more- but isn’t common. They raise a child... and in it goes until the last vestiges of these antiquated ideas are purged and every child born just grows up in a world where that is normal. That’s the simplified version.

The truth is- we still pass forward the prejudices and conceptions of social order from thousands of years ago. Ideas don’t die as easily as people.

The upshot is that even when things look dark- noble and loving ideas will survive to take root again. The downside is that you likely will never eliminate ideas of prejudice and negativity. Even if you do they can come back.

If you wanna cuddle dudes- go cuddle dudes. Our choices shape the world. Things can be hard for early adopters of change. If you’re upset that dudes can’t cuddle- imagine how upset so many people who are looking for change and acceptance in society feel, LGBTQ+, POC, etc etc. and maybe support their fight and hope they support yours too. The world is shaped by people who have the courage and strength to try and live the way they want to live. Others often recognize this strength and gravitate towards it. Join with it. Those who do not- well... they just exist.