Caught Grant by surprise

His motive? *lights smoke* He's evil. *swigs tequila* That's all the motive that sick f*ck ever needed. *sets phaser to kill* Let's get the b*stard.

*Shouting war cry* where do we start? Where does someone like him get off?

Calm your tits, soldier. We haven't finished the bottle yet. *orders more tequila and pretzels*

*tits calmed* Can we have fried chicken also? *sigh* its the same thing everytime we plan to do something *take shot* now we are too drunk to go look for him!

Fried chicken sounds awesome right now. *orders fried chicken* Well go right after we've eaten .. but you should probably drive. In hammered. *shots tequila like there's no tomorrow* I'm gonna call my ex and tell her I love her.

*Falling off chair* I'm hammered too *tries to stand* I think I can drive though *Walking to the door with body swinging from side to side* *struggling to open door* Wait its a PUSH not a PULL... *talks to car* Onward my noble stead... Oh wait, I don't have a car. How did I come here? *Falls unconcious* *sleeping soundly*

*wakes up two days later in a strange motel* Where am I?

*Crashes through door* No time to explain, put this on. *shows dress* *sirens blaring*

Who the hell are you?! *hangover from hell makes itself known* *pukes all over dress*

Its me, we are going to look for Grant friend.. Remember? The police heard about our plot because we were talking loudly whilst drunk at the bar. They know of our plan. They are looking for 2 men. One of us needs to dress as a woman. We will act as a straight couple. *Police knocking on door* Your name is Jeannine and we met last week.

That .. that doesn't make any sense. I need a drink. *reaches for half a bottle of tequila and chugs it* What was that about a plot? *falls asleep again*

Damn you... The cops are coming in. What do I do? *Take a bottle of vodka and chugs it* *faints*

(three weeks later at an AA meeting)
-Hello, my name is Karlboll and I'm an alcoholic.
Group says; Hello Karlboll.
-I've been sober for a week now and going strong ..
Group says; Yay!
-I woke a few weeks ago in a strange motel room with a stranger who insisted I wear drag. I think that's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom. I woke up in jail the next day and .. long story short I'm out on bail and the trial is in a month. I'm accused of hitting an officer and *sobs* preparation for two acts of terrorism and I .. I just don't remember anything *breaks down in tears* Oh God, I don't even know if I've hurt anyone ..

*Opens double-door* Did you miss meeee? *Takes out dress* You forgot your dress *maniacal laughter* *Takes out shotgun* *Kills everyone except you* Get in the car.. Now!!!

*chugs a whole bottle of tequila in one go* You son of a bitch! I'm in.

*looks at you suggestively* we might need to make a stop on our way first.

It better be a liquor store. I'm broke and damn near sober, babe. *grabs for whatever bottle you're holding* And wtf took you so long, bitch?! *puts on dress* I had to get a f*uckin'lawyer and everything. You better have those passports ready coz'I think we're effed in this country. I'm thinking Saudi Arabia's a nice place to regroup.

We might get jumped there bro... An alcoholic muslim + a cross dresser. There is a bar here but I thought you were going clean.. Why did you go to an AA meeting *looks at you suspiciously* Who are you? What did you do to my friend karlboll? Who killed JFK? *pulls out gun* Why Saudi Arabia? *paranoid screech*

Relax, champ. I had to let people think I had a drinking problem to stay out of prison but I guess that cover's blown now. Why Saudi Arabia? Because that's where Grant's "friend" is hold up and you know damn well JFK isn't dead. Now hand me that bottle, I've been sober for weeks.

*Puts gun in holster* *Hands bottle of vodka* *awkward silence* Here is your passport *Hands passport* Your new name is Karim Abdul.

Finally! *chugs bottle of vodka* That hits the spot. I could do with some fried chicken. *falls unconscious in drunken stupor*