It’s an interesting thought, not one I’d say is wrong, one that I do think could be a matter of interpretation. We do tend to remember people in that way- adults tend to think of people as “kids” even as adults if they knew them as kids. The “noob” at a skill or job etc- our “mentees” we often see their growth but still think of them as that bumbling new kid. A teacher who’s student becomes a professor may still think of them like when they were a student…
I don’t know if that’s because of the power they held, if it is because that’s our earliest and likely firmest impression of the person, or maybe something else? I guess it could be less that they “held power over you” and more that at that time- they at least felt you were most vulnerable or they most needed to protect you?
We can see this sometimes when we have an extreme or chronic health issue or injury- a spouse or friends etc. might be “frozen” in that perception of us in a fragile state-
Asking things like “are you sure you should be doing that..?” “Are you ok to do this alone?” Offering to come with or advising us caution in things they may not advise caution to others because of that state we were in but are no longer.
With partners we often hold on to concepts of them from when we first met- in such cases our “power over them” would likely have been much weaker when they hardly knew us than after building a life together and relying on each other daily.
I think that any people adapt their views as they start to “notice” a person has changed- the mentee or student or child becomes an equal-
But it depends on the person or parent. I suppose some parents just carry a desire to protect their children than lingers long after their children can protect themselves and a family; and perhaps some parents/people are just holding on to the idea of power- wanting to still have power over a person. Case by case I would say- but it’s an interesting thing to consider.
Ok. I was done- but I had a thought as I closed that last one. I wonder if maybe it isn’t the opposite- at least in some cases- that we remember them as they were when they held a strong power over us?
To most parents- a child may be the most important thing in their life and what their life may largely center around. In relationships, peoples power tends to increase but also decrease with time- early on we are usually flooded with hormones that stimulate bonding and positive feelings. We often do things early in relationships we wouldn’t do later, people tend to be more likely to try new things with new partners or change themselves etc. when people have health problems we often have powerful feelings concerning their loss etc. with a student or mentee we may experience similar feelings and all of these can also trigger protective instincts.
I wonder if perhaps there are psychological and/or hormonal factors where we tend to think of people in in the way they were when these very intense things were our heads? A trauma of sorts when we fear loss, a desire to feel those intense joys and such of a new relationship and watching a person grow and being a part of that- or a reward seeking response to all the “feel good hormones” of the time. Perhaps even simpler it is just that the flood of bonding hormones that tend to be released early on in meeting a person of interest or when having a child contribute to strong formation of neural pathways. We do know that such strong bonds of memory can be formed when hormones are involved- this is part of how trauma works. It works with “negative” and “positive” hormone responses though. Although negative tend to be stronger while positive tend to be more constructive. The link between chemical response and memory is one mechanism of addiction. The 100th hit is seldom as good as the…
.. first, but an addicts brain remembers that extreme chemical response and seeks it through repeated behavior. So I don’t know that this is wrong- or that it isn’t at least sometimes true- but I don’t think it is always the case that people remember us where they had the most power. I think there is probably more to it than that, or that there can be, and it depends on the person in question.
I don’t know if that’s because of the power they held, if it is because that’s our earliest and likely firmest impression of the person, or maybe something else? I guess it could be less that they “held power over you” and more that at that time- they at least felt you were most vulnerable or they most needed to protect you?
We can see this sometimes when we have an extreme or chronic health issue or injury- a spouse or friends etc. might be “frozen” in that perception of us in a fragile state-
With partners we often hold on to concepts of them from when we first met- in such cases our “power over them” would likely have been much weaker when they hardly knew us than after building a life together and relying on each other daily.
I think that any people adapt their views as they start to “notice” a person has changed- the mentee or student or child becomes an equal-
But it depends on the person or parent. I suppose some parents just carry a desire to protect their children than lingers long after their children can protect themselves and a family; and perhaps some parents/people are just holding on to the idea of power- wanting to still have power over a person. Case by case I would say- but it’s an interesting thing to consider.
To most parents- a child may be the most important thing in their life and what their life may largely center around. In relationships, peoples power tends to increase but also decrease with time- early on we are usually flooded with hormones that stimulate bonding and positive feelings. We often do things early in relationships we wouldn’t do later, people tend to be more likely to try new things with new partners or change themselves etc. when people have health problems we often have powerful feelings concerning their loss etc. with a student or mentee we may experience similar feelings and all of these can also trigger protective instincts.