i dont understand women: they dont want to get hit on until they choose to hit on you? wtf? men arent allowed to express interest? no, women choose when they like to get hit on. if its Brad Pitt they dont mind, its sexy, when its Peter Pettigrew, its gross. and the funny thing is men accept this because (in general) men will fuck anything that moves.
I can’t say you’re totally wrong in that it’s a bit self evident that basically anyone Is going to feel differently being approached by someone they find initially appealing versus someone they don’t- if I get spam mail from some auto loan company I’m annoyed but if I get a marketing email from the Lego store I’m excited to open it- one of those things I’m pretty sure I’m not interested in and one I might be- so one is a waste of time and one is maybe not, and even if the Lego email is a waste at least I got to see some Lego eye candy.
But to the subject of being hit on- how it is done and the context tend to be important. Are SOME women jerks or hypocrites about it? Sure. Are most? I’d say not really. For starters- men tend to be larger and more physically intimidating then man women and the nature of hitting on women often means they are alone with you or alone when you do so- so that can be a factor- I wouldn’t be very comfortable if someone a foot taller than me with 40-100lbs of muscle on me came up with obvious sexual interest when we were alone, more so if I was “trapped” such as in line at the store or attending business where I can’t just easily walk away without abandoning what I came to do, and more so still if historically this imaginary giant was from a group that was statistically likely to perpetrate violence or sexual assault against people like me. This ONE may be different, but statistically there is a danger and not knowing them… I can’t really say if this one person is or isn’t a danger right?
But I mean- when I’m out at the gym I don’t want to be hit on, it used to happen more when I was younger and in better shape lol. But I go to the gym to work out, not to talk or make friends. I’m sweaty and tired and focused. When I’m at the store I’m focused on my shipping list and maybe going over my work day or what I need to do when I get home. I’m probably not looking to make friends or talk to people. I’m a man- to be clear- but I can understand where women are coming from to an extent in those regards. Much if the time if I’m alone and out, that’s my time for me. I’m thinking or just unwinding and I generally don’t want to be bothered. I also find it a bit creepy when men or women approach me out of nowhere when I’m out. I don’t live in Mayberry USA- people don’t commonly come up and talk to you out of nowhere. If someone does this they usually want something or there is a scam afoot. The something they want may be sex- but at least to me, I find that off putting in context.
Like- if you come up with something “real” and interesting perhaps. But like- if you walk up to a stranger you don’t know anything about except how they look, what are you saying? “You look like you share an interest in macroeconomics and your sweater implies strong Hebrew values?” Naw man. “The way you look sexually excites me…” that’s not a quality way to start a connection for me as an adult. I’ve seen some weak ones- “I have the same water bottle!” “I use that fabric softener too…” slightly less weak perhaps are ones like “oh, is that the <mister product name>? How’s that working out for you? I keep looking but I wasn’t sure….” Now- this MIGHT work for like a phone or a car, but if you’re going to ask me about some dish detergent or a DVD… man… I’m it Amazon. I’m not rotten tomatoes. Go look it up or take the plunge on the $5-30 and find out. But that’s better than “you look interesting” or “I like the band on your shirt too!” Great. That’s enough for a meaningful conversation.
So I mean- you probably don’t have to be Brad Pitt but it helps to maybe be attractive or well put together at least sure; but I think most guys make some common mistakes approaching women that sabotage themselves.
1. Don’t approach her where she is “trapped” like in line at the store or in the machine at the gym. People don’t like feeling trapped and women especially can feel unsafe in such situations.
2. Don’t have weak ass game. This is probably more important than looks in almost all cases. “I like that band too..” come on. So what? They sell the shirt at target. Lots of people do and I’m not trying to bang most of them.
3. Relates to 2- but have some real reason to approach them. Coming up because of looks alone tends to come off as shallow. If you can’t organically start a conversion you probably aren’t in a flirting situation. Approach for non physical reasons.
4. Age matters- younger men and women tend to have different priorities and goals than as we age.
That can be cultural but in most of the USA, 18-23 year olds are often not looking to settle down and find their “forever” relationship. Everyone is different but around 32 or so for men and 25-27 for women tends to be a general range where priorities have often shifted. As you get older still having never been married or had kids stops being a plus and can start to become a red flag. It’s all relative, but if you’re chasing after college age or younger people you probably shouldn’t expect them to be the same maturity or having the mature priorities of someone older.
5. There are no rules and it’s all relative. Some people will just be in the right place and time in life etc. I mean- plenty of couples meet at the gym or the store etc.
If there were only one rule it would probably be… you’re an adult. We make our own choices and own them. Can I say that it is never good to “be persistent”? No. Plenty of guys have turned a “no” into a king happy marriage by not “giving up.” Can I say never hit on women in the gym etc- the right woman, the right man, the right time and circumstances- it can work. It also may not. If it doesn’t, you may feel like or be made made to feel like a creep or something. That’s a consequence of a choice. Risk it or don’t. We each play a hand in shaping our own lives and who we want to be.
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· 2 years ago
I've felt flustered when hit on by dudes. I know I'm not gay, but being wanted feels nice
1. Don’t approach her where she is “trapped” like in line at the store or in the machine at the gym. People don’t like feeling trapped and women especially can feel unsafe in such situations.
2. Don’t have weak ass game. This is probably more important than looks in almost all cases. “I like that band too..” come on. So what? They sell the shirt at target. Lots of people do and I’m not trying to bang most of them.
3. Relates to 2- but have some real reason to approach them. Coming up because of looks alone tends to come off as shallow. If you can’t organically start a conversion you probably aren’t in a flirting situation. Approach for non physical reasons.
4. Age matters- younger men and women tend to have different priorities and goals than as we age.
5. There are no rules and it’s all relative. Some people will just be in the right place and time in life etc. I mean- plenty of couples meet at the gym or the store etc.