It can take a lot of time and effort, and no one is “perfect” when it comes to this stuff. We are all different and sometimes it’s about meeting halfway or finding the right person who can be patient or understanding or even help to foster the types of changes we want or need to grow and be happy. There is a debate I will not get in to over how much or to what degree or if at some point our traumas or such become part of who we are or wether we should ever accept that or always consider these things traits we can be rid of. Regardless of that debate, deeply rooted behaviors and trauma responses and such tend to not be so simple to get rid of and can change our behavior or effect us for decades or even life- even with therapy and hard work. Dealing with these behaviors and thoughts is much like dealing with a severe addiction- it can take many attempts and there can be many relapses to where we are never truly “free” of any possibility they can manifest in our lives.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey, and everyone else dealing with their own stuff as well. It sounds easier and breezier just written out here than it is to live it for sure, but just believe one day things will be better and work at it and eventually they will.
Thank you @guest_ I'm afraid it's got to the point where I have closed that door, very possibly permanently, out of self-preservation. And age has also allowed me to come to terms with myself to the degree that I am content to be alone. Then again I'm an incurable romantic, so who knows? :-)
Lol. It’s a sentiment I can understand- and I think it’s valid. Asking oneself what a partner can actual do to enrich their lives and how or if they are willing to do the same. I’m a romantic my self- in love with the idea of love perhaps- but stripped of its pedestal a relationship is.. a relationship lol. Two people accommodating and adjusting and getting along. So for sure, for one content in life and with self, who likes doing things on their time in their way and not having to be thoughtful of another’s wants and needs and ability to conduct their life- there are a lot of advantages to being single.
Do you. My mother once said we tend to find actual love when we are least looking, and while not the singular truth, my observation has been that it does seem to happen quite often that way lol. I think perhaps it is more that when we aren’t looking is often when we are enjoying life and have our lives and selves most together- which tends to be the best starting point for lasting…
.. relationships. So as you say, who knows? Whichever path things take, I wish you happiness one contentment. My grandfather was widowed in his 60’s, didn’t think he’d love again and after some years started dating again, got sick of dating and the types of people he was meeting- and then met a great love in his 80’s and moved in with her. So… life is strange. Enjoy the ride.
Do you. My mother once said we tend to find actual love when we are least looking, and while not the singular truth, my observation has been that it does seem to happen quite often that way lol. I think perhaps it is more that when we aren’t looking is often when we are enjoying life and have our lives and selves most together- which tends to be the best starting point for lasting…