I’m glad it was a positive interaction. One can of course question wether it was in fact respect- we don’t know the depth of their interaction but technically saying that someone is “lucky to be with you” to someone you don’t know well is not respectful so much as complimentary, and somewhat empty if they don’t know you well enough to actually have enough information to say someone is “lucky” to be with you or not. That’s part of the trap of the “pickup,” what motivation do you have to think this person is someone you want to get to know better? Most often the only thing you have is what you see- that perhaps they are physically attractive, fit, carry a style you like, or perhaps some inference based off their appearance such as that they may be of a certain level of wealth or may be into a certain sub culture etc.
you MIGHT have something like an indication they like a particular band or popular culture item, book, have certain hobbies, play music etc. by what they wear or carry.
If you are at a specific type of venue or such you might have some legitimate reason for conversation, or at leas an excuse, but at most random public places the opportunity for conversation is most naturally something akin to asking for someone to move or if they know where something is located etc. and perhaps they might reciprocate with an answer and a little joke or their own question or such. Beto d those scenarios or overhearing their conversations with another or some such- the “cold pickup” pretty much is entirely based on what one sees, but most scenarios don’t give you more than the most superficial and brief glimpse at the person. To be able to make such a statement within such a window would strike me as disingenuous flattery- flattery most often being used as a type of manipulation for our own benefit, not to the benefit of the person we speak to or as a device of truth.
It certainly seems like a red flag- short of super natural powers only the most amazing intuition as deduction or just plain empty words can justify a determination of one’s suitability as a partner or a decent human being within minutes or so of shallow interaction which are the common case in such scenarios. It is best to be wary in my experience and view, of those who praise to readily, profusely, and loftily. That is usually the mark of a manipulator or a dishonest tongue. Often the mark of one who will criticize or reject with the same haste and exaggeration on the same small amounts of shallow reasoning. Even when this isn’t the case you have at best in front of you, a dolt or rube, ones who’s lack of experience or intellect makes their words ring hollow as is.
I would say that buying her drink is in some way a form of respect- having taken her time with an unwanted advance a fork of compensation and apology of sorts.
That said- one could also see it as in his benefit more so. “Smooth” may be a better word for it. Such a conciliatory gesture allows one to save face and turn what would generally be an awkward or negative end to an interaction into a positive one. One looks gracious, and gifts generally make people happy, and by virtue they then associate that happiness with the interaction and thus the person. Instead of slinking away as a “rejected party” he is able to walk away as the “nice guy who bought her drink..” of course there is theoretically some benefit to the person being hit on- that positive spin does act to mitigate any negative feelings they may have at having to reject someone. Pity for the rejected party or guilt at having to be responsible for their feeling and looking rejected.
The gesture of the drink and the civil goodbye can serve to show the rejector that you are emotionally fine and they do not need to feel pity or guilt over what occurred. The compliment helps with guilt or negative feelings by fluffing their self esteem. The focus and lasting take away then become that they are attractive and “worth” affection even by those they reject. This again however also can be self serving to the rejected as this method of saving face and imparting positive feelings can be a way to keep yourself in consideration as a partner in the future or to build on with subsequent interactions. This is especially true in venues like neighborhood spots or locations near offices and such where you at least have some odds of meeting that person at that same place again in the future or on regular or multiple meetings.
The display can also act as a sort of impetus to comparison. If this is how this person treats someone who rejects them- wouldn’t you expect they would treat a partner even better? And if one compares this treatment to how they feel treated in their current relationship- they may start at least subconsciously comparing their present partner or relationship to this interaction or person- then does their current relationship start to look less solid to them? Such acts can begin to form the wedge by which to deprecate a person from their significant other. If you are in a situation where you have good odds of crossing paths again, when next you see the “coffee girl/guy” or whatever- they may be single in some part due to this. Then they may be reminded of how well you reacted in the past when rejected and be more prone to give you a chance.
If one sees another regularly at such a place, such moves can provide the ground work to form a very casual friendship- a familiarity that can also aid in a strategy of either splintering a relationship and swooping in or in simply tending one’s “garden” and harvesting on opportunity.
Another strategic level is added when one has observed a person at a spot as both are regulars or semi regulars and thusly knows they will likely meet again. In such cases, such “respect” or nicety may be a calculated move. This move may be calculated to the aforementioned goal of fostering a potential future successful pick up, or simply calculated to allow one to avoid awkwardness if rejected and still wanting to frequent that location.
There is also a question of ego- how is buying one a drink a measure of respect here other than as an amends for the wasting of one’s time or an unwanted advance? It can’t be said to be such- or at least any level of respect warranted to an otherwise stranger whom is of the same general social status as you. We wouldn’t call it DISRESPECT if a stranger spoke to us and didn’t buy us a token for the privilege would we? So what would entitle one to a free item as a means of respect? As said- asides perhaps an unhealthy but likely beneficial ego, nothing other than an apology for unwanted advances would really qualify that as a gesture of respect.
Arguably we could even call it disrespect- on the surface it may just seem a “gentlemanly thing to do” or a form of chivalry- but such notion would largely be rooted in an assumption that a male holds superiority in resources or other means to the female, an inherently disrespectful stance when speaking on a female one doesn’t know enough bout to make socioeconomic and deep life assumptions about especially.
you MIGHT have something like an indication they like a particular band or popular culture item, book, have certain hobbies, play music etc. by what they wear or carry.
That said- one could also see it as in his benefit more so. “Smooth” may be a better word for it. Such a conciliatory gesture allows one to save face and turn what would generally be an awkward or negative end to an interaction into a positive one. One looks gracious, and gifts generally make people happy, and by virtue they then associate that happiness with the interaction and thus the person. Instead of slinking away as a “rejected party” he is able to walk away as the “nice guy who bought her drink..” of course there is theoretically some benefit to the person being hit on- that positive spin does act to mitigate any negative feelings they may have at having to reject someone. Pity for the rejected party or guilt at having to be responsible for their feeling and looking rejected.
Another strategic level is added when one has observed a person at a spot as both are regulars or semi regulars and thusly knows they will likely meet again. In such cases, such “respect” or nicety may be a calculated move. This move may be calculated to the aforementioned goal of fostering a potential future successful pick up, or simply calculated to allow one to avoid awkwardness if rejected and still wanting to frequent that location.