Well I mean… the reply is funny and not completely illogical- they do ignore choice.
You aren’t obligated to defy convention, one should have the choice. That being said where the whole premise is nonsense….
Is that it is nonsense. Lol. Why would a trans person need to tell you they are trans before you date? Do non trans people go around telling people they aren’t trans before dating? I guess dick pics are progressive in that respect? But seriously- most heterosexuals don’t tell others they are hetero before dating do they? It’s even somewhat uncommon for homosexuals to sit down with someone they like and say: “hey, before we get further.. I’m gay..”
So that idea is a bit absurd already. What else should you need to tell someone before you date?
“I have a small wiener?”
“I prematurely ejaculate?”
“My farts stink?”
“I am a restless sleeper?”
“My credit score is…”
“I have $X in assets/savings?”
“My family has a history of Alzheimer’s on my mothers side?”
List all your traumas and triggers? Allergies and health conditions?
List all your insecurities?
Is that the way we want this to go- maybe fill out a form and any time you’re interested in some one you give them your bio and if they are interested they’ll read it, and if they are still interested after reading you can see if you might want to date?
That could work but it seems dumb and like most people wouldn’t like it much.
Because here is the biggest dumbest thing…
If you are going out with them… you ARE attracted to a trans person. Connect those dots. Why the fuck are you going out with someone unless you are attracted to them…? You totally are attracted to a trans person or you would have said no unless you are running a scam or have no standards and say yes to anyone that asks you out.
Then being trans has nothing to do with it because you obviously found them attractive.
It isn’t that you aren’t attracted to trans people- it is that you don’t want to DATE trans people even if you are attracted to them.
Now- not wanting to date a trans person CAN be transphobic- but not always. I mean- we can call it shallow but ultimately we are all shallow at some point in some way- but look… many men wouldn’t want to date a non trans woman who couldn’t have children. Many people won’t date people who already have kids. Are these things shallow? To some degree maybe? But they are pragmatic. Children and families are big parts of life and big responsibilities. Some people want them and are looking for someone to have those with and some people don’t want them or aren’t ready for them or don’t want to be involved in the drama or pre existing responsibilities and complications of someone’s life before they met like that.
Hell- some people don’t want to date people with mental or physical issues. Is that messed up? Maybe? Maybe not? Where the rubber hits the road though, there ARE concerns. If someone has $100000 in bad debt that is going to limit your options in life together and ultimately those problems of theirs influence your life. If your partner has severe anxiety and has trouble holding jobs ir can’t be in crowds etc. that is going to influence your life with them. If they are an alcoholic or have an IQ of 67 that is going to influence your life and relationship. It is your right to not have to enter into a relationship because you don’t want to deal with the complications or potential issues a specific person brings.
You don’t have to hate poly people to not want to be in a relationship with a poly person. You likely have different ideas on fundamental aspects of relationships and if you aren’t experienced in polyamory you need to learn and adapt as you go to that- and you may not want to have to. This is true any time there are cultural differences. Maybe you want to learn about their culture or you both are willing to learn and compromise and navigate the things that can come up, opinions in your families or communities, differences in beliefs or preferences or traditions, conflicts in your upbringing or how to raise a child etc etc. or maybe you don’t want to deal with that and you are better off dating people from similar or the same culture and background.
It doesn’t make people bigots to not use their fucking genitals as an embassy to explore the world with. You’re also allowed to like and dislike certain traits. If you like blonde or red hair and find other colors unattractive then you probably won’t be attracted to many Asian people- of course some Asian people or mixed Asian people can have blonde or red hair and people can dye their hair- so there is a difference between not dating someone because they don’t have a certain hair color and not dating someone because of their race right?
You have the choice to not date a trans person. Maybe you don’t click, you don’t share values or interest. There isn’t chemistry. Maybe you don’t find them attractive. Maybe you want kids and they can’t give you that. Maybe they are political and you aren’t attracted to political people or don’t want to involve politics in your life like that. Maybe you just don’t find them attractive looking. None of these are invalid reasons to date someone. Some might argue superficial or shallow or short sighted or picky on some- but not invalid. Of course if you meet someone.. you get along, you have chemistry, you find them physically attractive, you share values, and you aren’t thinking about kids but you turn them away because they are trans exclusively- well that may be a problem right there.
Understand that I don’t mean because if some issue related to them being trans. Look- you can be shallow. Many trans persons, many non trans- the person you see out in the world or at an event or on social can require a lot of effort to make appear. Many people don’t wake up looking like they do in their Instagram photos or on date night. It’s shallow, but if you don’t want to wake up next to someone that looks very different than who you went to bed with or be tied to that person if they decide they just don’t want to do their whole routine from now on- that’s valid. Shallow arguably, but valid. I’ve dated women who would sleep in makeup and wouldn’t let you see them until they had done their make up in the morning. They always looked ready for photos. I won’t say I disliked the results but to me that isn’t something I require or even necessarily want in a partner. That said- some people do want that. Shallow or not if that is you then that is you.
Being very clear what I am saying is that if your only reason is you don’t want to date them because they are trans- not because of some inherent thing that comes from being trans- that is actually a literal definition of a prejudice.
“Should a straight guy date a gay guy then if they get along or else they are prejudiced?” Ignorant question but if we don’t ask ignorant questions we tend to stay ignorant. No man. Duh. Because you aren’t attracted to them right? Because if you’re a “straight guy” and you get hard looking at some dude and you feel drawn to him you probably aren’t “straight.” Not 100%. If everything is there that suggests you could be happy with this person and are compatible but you turn them away because of who they are and not some practical or tangible reason then what reason do you have? Think about it logically.
But look- when it is all said and done we have the right to date who we want for whatever reasons we want. Some people will tell you nothing matters except that they are successful and will financially care for you. Others will tell you the only important thing is that they are compatible with you. Others will say none of it matters except a “spark” and there are thousands of other takes from people who only care that you look good and do what they want or keep quiet to people believe only what others think matters and so on. We each decide what we think is important or we need in a relationship and our lives are in part, a result of that.
You aren’t trans phobic for not dating a trans person but you might be transphobic or have a prejudice/bias if you refuse to date someone who is otherwise “perfect” for you and you find them attractive but say no just because they are trans.
This isn’t hard you dingos.
Instead of looking at who you are “supposed” to be attracted to and only dating people that for your self image, instead pay attention to who you ARE attracted to and adjust your self image to the reality. If you look at someone, talk with them etc. and they aren’t attractive to you it doesn’t matter if they are trans or not- you don’t like them. If you find them attractive- you find them attractive. That’s pretty self evident and trying to convince yourself otherwise is a self delusion to preserve some self image you have about your sexuality.
You aren’t obligated to defy convention, one should have the choice. That being said where the whole premise is nonsense….
Is that it is nonsense. Lol. Why would a trans person need to tell you they are trans before you date? Do non trans people go around telling people they aren’t trans before dating? I guess dick pics are progressive in that respect? But seriously- most heterosexuals don’t tell others they are hetero before dating do they? It’s even somewhat uncommon for homosexuals to sit down with someone they like and say: “hey, before we get further.. I’m gay..”
“I have a small wiener?”
“I prematurely ejaculate?”
“My farts stink?”
“I am a restless sleeper?”
“My credit score is…”
“I have $X in assets/savings?”
“My family has a history of Alzheimer’s on my mothers side?”
List all your traumas and triggers? Allergies and health conditions?
List all your insecurities?
Is that the way we want this to go- maybe fill out a form and any time you’re interested in some one you give them your bio and if they are interested they’ll read it, and if they are still interested after reading you can see if you might want to date?
That could work but it seems dumb and like most people wouldn’t like it much.
If you are going out with them… you ARE attracted to a trans person. Connect those dots. Why the fuck are you going out with someone unless you are attracted to them…? You totally are attracted to a trans person or you would have said no unless you are running a scam or have no standards and say yes to anyone that asks you out.
Then being trans has nothing to do with it because you obviously found them attractive.
It isn’t that you aren’t attracted to trans people- it is that you don’t want to DATE trans people even if you are attracted to them.
“Should a straight guy date a gay guy then if they get along or else they are prejudiced?” Ignorant question but if we don’t ask ignorant questions we tend to stay ignorant. No man. Duh. Because you aren’t attracted to them right? Because if you’re a “straight guy” and you get hard looking at some dude and you feel drawn to him you probably aren’t “straight.” Not 100%. If everything is there that suggests you could be happy with this person and are compatible but you turn them away because of who they are and not some practical or tangible reason then what reason do you have? Think about it logically.
This isn’t hard you dingos.
Instead of looking at who you are “supposed” to be attracted to and only dating people that for your self image, instead pay attention to who you ARE attracted to and adjust your self image to the reality. If you look at someone, talk with them etc. and they aren’t attractive to you it doesn’t matter if they are trans or not- you don’t like them. If you find them attractive- you find them attractive. That’s pretty self evident and trying to convince yourself otherwise is a self delusion to preserve some self image you have about your sexuality.