Now, that's a swimming pool!

Eat a snickers

Do they come flavored with the blood of my enemies?

No but you really should eat one because you turn in a psycho when you get hungry

Those have to be some of the most beautiful comments I have ever read.

How do you know I'm not always like this?

Just remember to tie them down to the floor so they can't get away and tell them that it's a new game.

I think the elephant tranquilizers in the pizza will do well enough.

But you want to hear their pleads for mercy as they slowly sink to their watery death.

No, that's the mistake every villain makes. Fuck that noise, I want success more.

Better idea! Put pills that paralyze them in the pizza! That way they can talk and scream but can't move. Problem solved.

Are you looking for a new career path? Because I've got an opening for a head minion.

:'D I'll take it! Will I one day perhaps be upgraded to assistant?

No, but you might one day get a last word before you sacrifice yourself so I can escape.
Also, we have donut and bagel Thursdays and you can pick the cream cheese flavors.

Hmmm.. As long as we also have ice cream sundae Sunday.