There is a difference between hitting and spanking, in my opinion. Spanking causes just enough pain to deter the child from repeating their bad behavior, like a dog collar that gives off a shock to stop barking. Hitting is just to cause pain and trauma.
I, personally, do not associate being spanked as a child with ever being afraid. Of course, I can only speak for myself. But i have never considered spanking to be ruling by fear. I was spanked as a child, and looking back now at the things I did to receive those spankings, I can see why. I only shaved my little cousin's head once, and after being spanked, I never did it again.
Do you understand that making a child respect your authority with only violence is a horrible way to instill respect for other human beings? I love how people always say its only "spanking" not hitting. Go try to "spank" a police officer and see how fast you get your fucking head cracked and charged with assaulting an officer. How can you possibly say that a child is not scared to be hit. Thats the only acceptable reaction when a youre a child and a fucking giant who you trust and love becomes violent towards you. If you cant discipline your child without putting hands on them then youre just as simple minded as the people who raised you and you shouldnt have kids in the first place. And dont give me the,"Well I turned out fine" speech.
Most people who are like you have the most disrespectful ignorant little brat of a child that doesn't know the meaning of no. Sometimes words don't cut it hunny! you need to set a limit and by the way you act as if parents who spank their child are evil cold hearted and don't deserve to live. You think they want to harm their child by needing to spank them? You think they enjoy that? Well if you said yes than you need to rethink that.
Physical punishment isn't the only way to do that, and most people I know who spank their kids have disrespectful ignorant children, so explain how spanking equals respect.
I don't want kids, but I feel obligated to have like five and force them to watch stuff like A:TLA and to read Harry Potter (etc) just to give the future a tiny grain of hope. =_=
There was a study out this week that found that children who had been punished physically had much higher rates of behavioural problems and depression later in life. Just Sayin'
My family abused me as a child, ignoring me except to dole out physical punishments, or in the case of my grandfather, touch me in ways that I didn't like and didn't understand. It pisses me off that everyone assumes that physical punishment is the only way to gain respect, because sure my family thinks I respect them, but when I'm not with them I'm disobedient as hell, because I don't respect them, I'm terrified of them. There are other fucking ways, and it's impossible to set real limits for punishment versus abuse, because parents strength and child's size are all factors and just stop it already. This did not cause you to be a good child. If you would have been raised the same, and smacking had been substituted with something else, you would have still been a respectful person. It's the communication and enforcing of leadership that matters, not being hit.
I'm sorry you had to grow up with that.
I'm kinda reminded of a book The Folly of Fools, that I only noticed because the author was on The Colbert Report one day. It's basically about deceit and self-deception in different aspects of human and animal life, and even evolution. There's a part about raising kids in there that's really good. It went quite well with the other baby books I read while the missus was pregnant.
It's terrible to have learned in such a way, but it seems you know exactly what NOT to do if/when you have kids of your own.
It's an unfortunate statistic that it's much harder for people who were abused to not treat their children the same way, because it's the only way they know how to deal with it. When I see families that honestly don't have that in them, it still shocks me because I've come to think of it as normal, even though it definitely isn't and I know that. For me to not react violently towards people, I have to sit back and think about how terrified it made me. Because I was never taught a better way. Yet another reason being hit is not the answer. Everyone (at least in my family) seems to think that you can beat the violence out of kids, but the only way to have a kind and compassionate kid by your hand is to treat them that way, and teach them that.
You know what, a lot of people defend spanking, but I think if a parent can't figure out a way to punish a child without spanking them, then they fail. We don't have to get all physical.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sorry you were abused, but I believe your experiences have caused you to be a bit biased on the subject.
Spanking is one of many tools parents use when disciplining their children. It's not always appropriate, but as there are many different children in many different situations, it's up to the parent's best judgement to decide which varying degree of punishment is appropriate.
If you insist on your argument that spanking is never appropriate, I can tell you that I had a neighbor that was in high school years ago that (along with some friends) killed a homeless man after throwing stones at him while he swam in a lake. This should tell you that children (in this case, a teen) can fuck up big enough to deserve a spanking, and much more. You hear stories like this from time to time, and quite often the child gets off easy. Personally, I'd like to see them tried as adults when committing "adult" crimes, and get life in prison, but that's never going to happen.
You wouldn't spank a teenager, you spank little kids, and that mostly just teaches them to respond with violence (among hiding things to avoid being spanked and fearing the consequences). I admit it may just be because I've never seen just "spanking" but I don't really think that responding to bad behavior with a behavior you don't want your child to learn is a good thing to do.
Which is why I think that life in prison is a completely different thing. That's the equivalent of grounding a kid (but in a more adult form), whereas similarly the equivalent to spanking would be beating the shit out of someone (which you might notice is not generally done by official order).
Yes, some kids definitely need to be taught better, but in my experience (which is drawing from seeing my family, my mom's friend's families, and kids I've babysat), is that the main problem isn't that they never once got spanked, it's that the parents only parent part of the time. They aren't consistent and when
they're doing something else, or another kid does something they care about more, or it's towards a specific person, or the parent finds it funny, or 'I'll let you off this time' for whatever reason, that's when the most problems occur, because the parents aren't being leaders/alphas/whathaveyou and they don't enforce rules consistently.
You know, I agree with you for the most part. I'm just going to keep spanking as an option that, as a new parent, I HOPE I won't need.
The real-world example I gave was just to show that there is a whole spectrum of behavior that requires varying degrees of punishment doled out by the parent while the child is still a minor.
That's what makes it so terrible, because even though I hate my family, I do love them, too. That's what makes abuse such a big deal - it's mostly because the love that holds you to them makes it so you don't want to turn them in, so you let them keep doing it, because you can't stop them. I still can't stand being hugged because it makes me feel uncomfortable - especially by older people, because my grandfather sexually abused me for years. It is /terrifying/, and you don't do anything because most of the time they're good and nice, and maybe you deserved it. Maybe it was your fault.
Nope, but there's no point now. And it's never your fault that anyone abuses you in any way, but no matter what it is, you think that, because you know them and some part of your brain tells you that they wouldn't hurt you without a reason. And the problem with most abuse is that it's never a clear line. What may not damage one person could ruin another. Yeah, you can call it punishment, but I'm sure so does the parent who holds her kid's hand on the stove top. So where are you drawing that line? Do you know what effect your punishment is going to have on your kid? Because I've found that most of the time, parents who use it as a 'last resort' get frustrated and think they don't have any options left when they really do.
Amen to the post! Good grief funsubstancers.....
I'm kinda reminded of a book The Folly of Fools, that I only noticed because the author was on The Colbert Report one day. It's basically about deceit and self-deception in different aspects of human and animal life, and even evolution. There's a part about raising kids in there that's really good. It went quite well with the other baby books I read while the missus was pregnant.
It's terrible to have learned in such a way, but it seems you know exactly what NOT to do if/when you have kids of your own.
Spanking is one of many tools parents use when disciplining their children. It's not always appropriate, but as there are many different children in many different situations, it's up to the parent's best judgement to decide which varying degree of punishment is appropriate.
If you insist on your argument that spanking is never appropriate, I can tell you that I had a neighbor that was in high school years ago that (along with some friends) killed a homeless man after throwing stones at him while he swam in a lake. This should tell you that children (in this case, a teen) can fuck up big enough to deserve a spanking, and much more. You hear stories like this from time to time, and quite often the child gets off easy. Personally, I'd like to see them tried as adults when committing "adult" crimes, and get life in prison, but that's never going to happen.
Which is why I think that life in prison is a completely different thing. That's the equivalent of grounding a kid (but in a more adult form), whereas similarly the equivalent to spanking would be beating the shit out of someone (which you might notice is not generally done by official order).
Yes, some kids definitely need to be taught better, but in my experience (which is drawing from seeing my family, my mom's friend's families, and kids I've babysat), is that the main problem isn't that they never once got spanked, it's that the parents only parent part of the time. They aren't consistent and when
The real-world example I gave was just to show that there is a whole spectrum of behavior that requires varying degrees of punishment doled out by the parent while the child is still a minor.