One is an important component to help you race around town and keep you energized, healthy and fit. The other is a bike saddle.

If you knew how to spell, then you’d know that there’s no ‘master’ in ‘masturbating’. And if you’d wasted your college years double-majoring in Classics and Philosophy with dual minors in English and Gender Studies because some jackass hippie counselor told you to follow your passions instead of getting a STEM degree, then you’d know that ‘masturbate’ is likely some combination of the Latin ‘manus’ and ‘stupare’. Have you even opened a book this year? (P.S. The college major thing was just a hypothetical example to inspire our FunSubstance uni students to make intelligent decisions about their degrees and to drive the point home *cough*)

I mean, I was thinking ‘get married and make sure your spouse is a different class’ like, yeah, I’m effing broke and they’re rich. For me, that would be a much better match made in heaven...

*Android users simultaneously lock their bedroom doors and reach for the tissue box*

Yes. You may have all of the cuddles.

I call my teammates ‘uncle’ because they only like to play with me in the middle of the night.

Meme culture has so affected me that I instinctively expected it to spell ‘send nudes’ once they fell.

Living proof that swimming pools cause transparency in children. Join the Anti-Clear Kids movement today!

I’m so glad large, winged creatures don’t just swoop down and unexpectedly devour us as we’re casually walking to the grocery store.

Súper Meowio Brothers.

@title ‘John Wick Picks Dog Licks Over Paid Hits’

They were warned but they didn’t listen. Thousands of brown-eyed FunSubsters, desperate to feel appreciated, turned their eyes skyward and stared directly into the sun. Their retinas scorched. Their eyeballs melted into gelatinous slime. Their horrible screams could be heard for miles. The pain was excruciating, the newfound blindness terrifying. But each one - sensing that acceptance was just within their grasp - kept their oozing sockets turned upward to the sun. ‘Just another moment,’ they thought to themselves to justify the agony, ‘just a little longer.’ And at long last they each had what they desired. A feeling of being appreciated...
And eyes like pools of honey.

It’s amazing what finding a purpose outside of yourself can do for you, humans and animals alike.

I don’t think many men would be able to resist that fantastically flanneled fido, either.

I thought this video would be Klarifying and Kaptivating but it was just... OK. (LOL yes.)

That corgi’s fur has almost as much volume as the person in the reflection taking the photo.

While not necessarily communist in nature, the reason the entire COUNTRY of Panama exists is due to US ‘involvement’ with Colombia in the early 1900s over the Panama Canal. Knock knock...

So fascinating that the planes all crash landed in the same location buried up to their tail fins with such perfect precision.

Re = Again
Inca = Militaristic 14th Century Peruvian empire
RNA = Ribonucleic acid
Tion = Process
Reincarnation = the process of coming back to life with the genetics of a pre-Colombian Peruvian warrior. Sounds effing awesome. Whatever religion this is, sign me up.