Robin Hood, I used to be a poor man, myself. Instead of you robbing me once and me avoiding Sherwood Forest forever, why don’t you take me to meet some of the families in your village? I can pay for several of the children’s food, clothing, and education. In exchange, you grant me safe passage in the future and several families will benefit over the long term rather than just a few today. This looks like an iterated prisoner’s dilemma where the best long term strategy is to cooperate. So, what do you say?

My FunSubstance app crashed trying to load all of that forehead.

Hooray for Captain Marvel. Remember when movie studios didn’t prey on nostalgia and audiences demanded original content because sequels and remakes inherently sucked? Pepperidge Farms remembers.

Don’t work intelligent. Use adverbs intelligently.

Prisoner #1: They call me ‘The Grim Keeper’ because I killed 36 people and kept their heads in my freezer.
Prisoner #2: They call me ‘Spike Tyson’ because I stabbed two cops through the heart with a piece of rebar as I was being arrested.
Prisoner #3: They call me ‘Snitchy McTattletale’ because I... uh... *sweats nervously*

semiotics (noun): the study of signs and symbols as elements of communicative behavior; the analysis of systems of communication, as language, gestures, or clothing. a general theory of signs and symbolism, usually divided into the branches of pragmatics, semantics, and syntactics.
Yeah, I didn’t know, either.

At 3 am when you’re in bed alone, half dressed and half asleep, and you think no one’s watching?

Is your name the Unabomber? Because while they were busy sending hate mail, you just blew up their shit. Can’t say I disagree with you on this one.

I guess you could say that was very... fartuitous.

I am innately suspicious of the type of person who goes to a party and doesn’t make friends with the dog.

Putting all of your human eggs in one basket on earth can be a risky proposition. We haven’t built asteroid defense systems to protect against an extinction level event like what killed the dinosaurs (and we’d probably weaponize it against other humans if we did) so spreading out humanity can reduce the risk of total annihilation. Also, ‘space races’ typically produce other technologies that can benefit humanity. This is my imagination talking but if we learned how to create a breathable atmosphere there, we might be able to use that tech to clean up earth. Should we do better about war, pollution, and overpopulation on earth first? Absolutely. But we don’t know what The Great Filter is so taking preventive measures and intelligently trying to advance humanity is probably a good thing to guard against it. When it comes to Mars, I’m with Elon on this one.

I really question the overall nutritional value of almost all of those baskets.

Don’t drop out or quit your day job yet. This was a joke: ‘What many online users missed was that all of this was nothing more than a clever spoof of the art world presented by the “This Is That” program, which is hosted by two comedians, Pat Kelly and Peter Oldring, who fabricate stories satirizing current affairs in a public radio format.’: (https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/invisible-art/)

It kept going for 39 frames, in case anyone else was wondering.

One day, you’ll tire of FunSubstance. You’ll leave and never return. People will talk about you for a comment or two and then you’ll be forgotten, the only memory of you being your posts in the Random section and an occasional ‘remember so-and-so’ from some archaic clinger-on who probably should’ve left eons ago, too. When that time comes, you’ll wonder, ‘Did what I say mean anything to the future Funsubsters who read it?’ And the answer will be an unequivocal, loud and resounding, ‘Probably not.’

Your parents have a favorite child and if you have two or more siblings, the odds are that it’s not you. You might be the smartest kid in your high school but when you get to college, you’ll discover that you’re just an average smart kid in a sea of much smarter kids. Someday your parents will die and you’ll be an orphan just like in the movies. At least once in your life, you will fall in love with someone who decides that you’re almost good enough but not quite and you’ll always wonder why you weren’t. The worst day of your life will be when you realize that you have more years behind you than in front of you and more regret in front of you than finished dreams behind you. Every day that you live, you’re a day closer to death.