...And pat your face dry with a singular paper towel, before staring yourself down in the mirror.

I'm 43, and this was last Friday.

"I can I can't!"

Today in: "Things that never happened"

Sure. It's everyone else's fault you're a Cunt.

Really? Kate Bush is number one again?
Stranger things?

Ms. Frizzle was high as shit.

Sounds like Ghandi's
"What do you think of Western civilization?"
"I think it would be a good idea...

A hole planet? I've never heard of Donut3169

Didn't he die a virgin?

I want one

It's not altruistic, if you do it for likes.

"Oh hothothothot hot hot hoooooot!"

"Once in every lifetiiiiime!"
R.I.P. Rik :'(

Genshin fam ftw

I love this. Hits me right, especially with my gf being a gamer too

"Customer is King" is one of the first rules or (six steps) to any Caffe Nero employee.
It's this one rule that stresses you out the most when trying to get home on time, and someone comes in 2 minutes before you close.

"Karl, you're talking shit again!"

I watched 3 seasons and didn't laugh once.

Toliet?

"...Is this the human concept known as Friends?..."
.
"...Silence, Jafod- also known as Steve!
We are about to become a moment lost, but fortified all at the same time..."
"...Ah! The self taken memory panel, I have heard of this..."
"..Does Jafod-also known as Steve possess any such notion of chill?.."
"Understood, Commander. Relaxed female Dog visage engaged..."

Toad or Yoshi

It feels so weird seeing Hayden looking grown up. In my head, he's 20 forever.