*reads first sentence* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's enough for me.

muffintop where the fuck do you find this shit?

Everyone: I love it for the plot.
Me: I love it for the food.

REVIEW:
For my 1 year anniversary I didn't know what to get my wife so I bought this thinking it would be funny. It wasn't, I'm now divorced, broke & living with my best friend. I'd like to talk with the owner to get a refund & discuss damages. You can reply directly to this email address. - Alma Henry

Freud: *heavy breathing*

Fight be you lil bitch!

My parents don't bother, they know I don't have a chance.

So fucking accurate. I actually did spend one whole day preparing an email for my law professor and it started off like this
"Terribly sorry to burden you about this, I'm sure you have better things to do. Please accept my sincerest apologies but I was wondering if, by any chance (of course, if you can't that's fine!) you could look over my plan..."

I thought those were shoes. Why did I think that they were shoes...

Best comments ever overheard at my university.
1. [Welcome event for 2015 JD students at Law Building]
Guy A to Guy B: "We did it Mister Frodo, we made it to Mordor."
2.[First Year Biology Tutorial]
Tutor: "Now if you don't like porn look away."
3. [Trinity College]
Science student: "God I fucking hate arts students."
Arts student: "Don't worry, I hate myself too."
4. [On some street]
Mum to her 5 year old daughter: "I can't believe you threw a carrot out the window at that police car!"
5. [Lecturer to students]
"We all now how hard it can be to drunkenly open your front door quickly; you might be rushing to bring that cute guy inside maybe running away from a drag queen...both of which have happened to me."
6. [Classics library]
Student: [enters library] "This is a whorehouse." [leaves immediately].
7. [during a science lecture].
Guy 1: "It's just an introduction!"
Guy 2: [Angrily] "I will circumcise you!"