And when you go to bed you get down with the THICCness ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Auqwe
...
You know what, actually not bad.

I agree and I hold myself to these standards every day. The problem is, there's a lot of assholes who will exploit other people's kindness. Like the greedy restaurant owner expecting you to tip his waiters because he's not paying them a living wage. Or the reckless idiot expecting others to let him into their lane and not paying attention to the road, resulting in an accident in which innocent people get hurt.
Be kind but also stay on your guard so that arseholes can't exploit you.

Lol hoes vs NLOGs 3-2-1 FIGHT!

Idk if I'll ever get married but if I do, my dream ring is a slightly slimmer reproduction of the One Ring made out of some durable material like tungsten.

OLD GOOD NEW BAD
No it's not just my nostalgia! Why do you ask?

Ah yes, the virgin Bezos vs the chad Marx. A pretty apt comparison considering the fact that if Marx was alive today, he'd be going after Bezos's predatory business practices.

No groups bigger than 12? Would Jesus be offended that you have more friends than him or something?

A bit late but okay bot

*Zooms in to their brains to reveal plankton inside, controlling them with two levers*

Whose album is it this time then? Any bets?

I rather get the vibe that the dog is giving the deer the Samuel L. Jackson stare. Like "Don't try anything, Greg. Seriously, don't."

Wonderful guillotine technique in the last one. Not sure it'd work on a lion though, I feel like you'd get severely scratched. Idk though I've never fought a lion so I just hope Herc knows what he's doing.

I'm the perfect height for the belt loops on my pants perfectly aligning with doorknobs so I get stuck all the time.
Edit: also that rickroll tho

Remember kids: your age/2 + 7 = minimum, (your age - 7) x 2 = maximum.

Cats be like: Meowdy!

That time I got reincarnated as a slime with the lid on.