If you fart it'll sound like a kazoo

Now there are two mysterious smiles!

Yup, that's 100% me in the future. "Wait did I plant sweet peppers or chillis here? Was the basil next to the mint? Uhhh whatever I'll just water everything." How my plants haven't died and actually appear to be thriving is a mystery to me.

Dad: I fear no man... but that thing *looks at school*... it scares me

Jesus Christ having Christianity named after him: Pfft. Amateurs.

Hell yeah. My kind of guy.
*spends 5 hours making character*

Good people do good things, bad people do bad things, but it takes religious (and for that matter, any ideological) indoctrination for a good person to do bad things.

The person must've felt such a relief omg

The answer is trolls lmao

He was trying to play both sides so he'd always come out on top... Didn't work tho

I can quote the English to Chinese to English Google translated version of Star Wars. Where is that gonna put me? Mr. Speaker, he is for the big.

AYKSHUALLY it's called negging and it like totally works because the femoid brain is wired to want your attention and try harder if you point out her flaws! Trust me it works on aaaaall the femoids bro. No exceptions because they're obviously a telepathic hivemind and they don't actually have distinct personalities. Just look at them, reading their horoscopes! Stupid women, don't they know it's not based in real science? Anyway I'm a sigma male, that means I'm like so badass but not braggy. Are you an alpha or beta?
...No I don't wank into a sock, why are you asking?

Yo she looks like a pin-up version of her, that's badass as hell

Accurate. Add to it the massive CRACK that happens every morning in my lower back and hip (my joints crack like I'm 70 lol) and people might think I really am possessed.

Y'know somehow this makes a lot of sense.
That said, I think the real Satan would choose someone more competent than Confused Buffoon Putler to do his bidding.

Lmao I will never be able to unsee this.

Idk what Lin Manuel Miranda over there in the background has to do with it, but my condolences. The cake was worth it, I hope?

Ha, well timed post, my boyfriend and I just had an OG trilogy Evil Dead marathon two days ago! Those movies are so cheesy lol