as a girl with not-big boobs i can only confirm that guys are idiots. i know at least one that'd mock all over me and say my boobs are too small and that he likes big jugs but once he got close and personal with them... well let's just say now he's proclaiming them as the best boobs he ever touched.
and no, i generally don't do jerks. he's a nice guy who says jerk-ish things not the other way around.
I'm sorry, I need to chime in.
It's your business and your business only as to what you choose to do and with whom... but I have to say something about the guy.
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That's not a "nice guy." The moment anything even remotely Jerkish pours out of his mouth, he loses all "nice guy" cred. Quite frankly, I think "nice guys" are a myth anyway, they are just one variation out of a multitude of codependency types... but that's neither here nor there.
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Like I said, not our business. Do as you will. Think of this as having a warning sign pointed out to you. Feel free to ignore it.
Maybe. Won't deny that. In personal growth, the conundrum lies in what I do and don't rightfully have a right to feel bitter about... but that's not the issue here.
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Another facet of my personal growth is learning, remembering and accepting the difference between something that is none of my business and something that is worth mentioning and drawing a line in the sand there.
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I felt compelled to say something about the nice guy jerk and did so.
@smitty, it was nice of you to say that, really. Thank you.
I'd like to point out, though, that nobody is purely good or nice. I believe there's good people who do bad things and bad people who do good things. He can be an asshole, I know that. He can also be caring and do the right things. I've seen both and I can't condemn him to the 'jerks' label juse because he's human and has faults and says shitty things. We all do.
Now that we're done with rationalisations, I have too admit I love the guy. I've forgiven him a bunch of things he said and he let a bunch of my mistakes slide. I refuse to believe he's a jerk. If he does something definitive and comes out as one, you'll win and I'll be prooven wrong. Until then, I'll carry on with the pleasant idea that he's actually a nice guy who says shitty things sometimes.
Fair play, thanks.
I will say that, to hear you tell it, that you certainly seem to be cognizant of the situation and are not approaching it with blinders on... good for you. Not everyone does.
Well, I do my best to prevent myself from strolling through life with the view of a parade horse. As damaging as that might be, being a hardcore cynic seems somehow even worse so, since you were kind enough to do the same for me, may I offer a little bit of insight in return?
In my opinion, believing that the people you like are good until prooven otherwise is worth the pain you feel when they dissappoint you. Note I didn't use 'if'... sadly, I'm quite of a cynic mysef. Still, premature labeling and judging people by their mistakes rarely leads to finding that one perfect person without a sin. It usually makes you end up alone and bitter and I really wouldn't wish that for you.
I'm sorry if anything I said came of as patronising or preachy, I wrote it with best intentions.
Indeed. Thanks...
One could say that after a horrific split from a long term and bitterly toxic relationship that I was too much of a fool to leave until it was forced, I am still recovering. Not that it is an excuse, but it is at least a reason.
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Not in as many words, but the content of your reply are thoughts that are something that I remind myself of... not the least of which is "other women aren't my ex."
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Am I cynical and bitter? Probably. Am I getting better? Not my call. I think I am getting better though at catching and asking myself, "Was that fair? Was that called for, or are you just being an asshole?"
I think you're too smart for me, mate. I don't understand what is the middle part about, sorry.
As for your past relationship, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know it means very little, hearing it from a stranger on the internet but I wanted to say it anyway.
and no, i generally don't do jerks. he's a nice guy who says jerk-ish things not the other way around.
It's your business and your business only as to what you choose to do and with whom... but I have to say something about the guy.
.
That's not a "nice guy." The moment anything even remotely Jerkish pours out of his mouth, he loses all "nice guy" cred. Quite frankly, I think "nice guys" are a myth anyway, they are just one variation out of a multitude of codependency types... but that's neither here nor there.
.
.
Like I said, not our business. Do as you will. Think of this as having a warning sign pointed out to you. Feel free to ignore it.
.
Another facet of my personal growth is learning, remembering and accepting the difference between something that is none of my business and something that is worth mentioning and drawing a line in the sand there.
.
I felt compelled to say something about the nice guy jerk and did so.
I'd like to point out, though, that nobody is purely good or nice. I believe there's good people who do bad things and bad people who do good things. He can be an asshole, I know that. He can also be caring and do the right things. I've seen both and I can't condemn him to the 'jerks' label juse because he's human and has faults and says shitty things. We all do.
Now that we're done with rationalisations, I have too admit I love the guy. I've forgiven him a bunch of things he said and he let a bunch of my mistakes slide. I refuse to believe he's a jerk. If he does something definitive and comes out as one, you'll win and I'll be prooven wrong. Until then, I'll carry on with the pleasant idea that he's actually a nice guy who says shitty things sometimes.
I will say that, to hear you tell it, that you certainly seem to be cognizant of the situation and are not approaching it with blinders on... good for you. Not everyone does.
In my opinion, believing that the people you like are good until prooven otherwise is worth the pain you feel when they dissappoint you. Note I didn't use 'if'... sadly, I'm quite of a cynic mysef. Still, premature labeling and judging people by their mistakes rarely leads to finding that one perfect person without a sin. It usually makes you end up alone and bitter and I really wouldn't wish that for you.
I'm sorry if anything I said came of as patronising or preachy, I wrote it with best intentions.
One could say that after a horrific split from a long term and bitterly toxic relationship that I was too much of a fool to leave until it was forced, I am still recovering. Not that it is an excuse, but it is at least a reason.
.
Not in as many words, but the content of your reply are thoughts that are something that I remind myself of... not the least of which is "other women aren't my ex."
.
Am I cynical and bitter? Probably. Am I getting better? Not my call. I think I am getting better though at catching and asking myself, "Was that fair? Was that called for, or are you just being an asshole?"
As for your past relationship, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know it means very little, hearing it from a stranger on the internet but I wanted to say it anyway.