Anon got cheated on

I'd serve the guy his own ass for being so disrespectful long before he had finished speaking, kick him out of my house and then start trying to repair my distraught daughter's self esteem, and worry about helping her work through why she had done whatever she had done tomorrow.

She's a grown woman. She's (presumably) early-mid twenties, not a seventeen year old. In any event, rebuilding the self esteem that's been damaged in this fashion feels more like a mom thing because the first and only thing I'd say for the rest of the day is stay the hell away from him and his family.

My daughter's feelings are important to me regardless how old she is, and regardless which parent I am. Fuck me, right?

You're right, but I'm the kind of person that would be really awkward because I wouldn't know what to do. No amount of pondering and fantasizing could prepare me for someone cheating.

And screw your daughters feelings. A cheaters a cheater

And family is family, even when they fuck up. I should turn on her and celebrate this spiteful asshole's need to drag her parents into their failed relationship because she's done something I don't like? I should cheer him on and make sure she knows how much she disgusts me? Or maybe I could try to help her recover a bit of security, understand and learn from her mistakes and grow into a better person. Huh.

Yeah but if she wants to cheat her parents have te right to know. If it can be destroyed by the truth it deserves to be. People who cheat don't deserve sympathy. They're adults who can choose what they do and take the consequences without mommy comforting her little cheating daughter because Her fiancée eightfully left her

Randomly chiming, but if my daughter cheated, I'd be devastatingly disappointed in her, both as a human being and as the one I raised. Ultimately, I'd agree with her boyfriend's decision to dump her, although it was harsh the way he did it. Imagine what you'd do if the person you'd promised to marry and that you loved so, so much just turned around and hooked up with their old partner!

Family being family doesn't justify doing something wrong. You can still love someone without condoning their cheating.

...Is that why I got smashed by downvotes? Y'all think I'm condoning cheating?

I think it's because you're indirectly condoning it by immediately giving support to a cheater.
[I didn't downvote you; I almost never downvote]
It feels like the majority feeling is that the cheater has to be able to feel the full and extended punch of the consequences before you give support, otherwise you're giving a buffer and not letting them experience the severity of what they did.

And if the guy's response had been to punch her in the face? Should I let her experience the consequences fully before I support her then? I think the guy acted like an asshole, quite aside from what I think of what she has done. Ah, this isn't the forum for subtlety. Death to all cheaters!

That's assault.
He deserved to act like an asshole; she made the choice to kill their relationship and he's like
"alright, you fuck with me I'll fuck with you".
Eye for an eye right? You betray me, I humiliate you.
-
And what do you mean by "make her understand and learn from her mistakes"? The only mistake here was getting caught, everything else was intentional.

He seriously just split up with her in front of her family, which I think was perfectly fine. He didn't punch her or beat her or do anything unreasonable.

I'm of the " two wrongs don't make a right" school of thinking. Being wronged doesn't make it okay to wrong somebody else. There's a reason we don't use an eye for an eye anymore.
And I meant that the girl's cheating was a mistake, whether it was intentional or not. She fucked up and should learn from it - bring humiliated and nothing else does nothing to show her why she shouldn't have done it, it just shows her that fear of humiliation is a good motivator.

She was humiliated in front of her parents. Who hasn't been humiliated in front of their parents before?
And you know what else happened aside from the humiliation? Her fiance broke up with her. I'd say that's a pretty good motivator not to do anything like that again.
There were no two wrongs - just one wrong and a reaction to the wrong.

Well, I think understanding is always better than just being browbeaten into obedience, and I think the guy showed disrespect not just to her but to her whole family. He acted out of spite - I think that's immature.

How was it disrespect? He told her (rightfully) to move out and took her ring back. He didn't show disrespect - he even thanked them for the dinner.

http://funsubstance.com/fun/210352/1-point-for-the-ex-boyfriend/
My comment:
When you intentionally ruin someone, you deserved to be ruined back. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but the eye-stabbing stops when someone's afraid of losing their other eye and being blind. You just have to be that person to make the other person fear it.
[key word intentionally]

Well, without going into all the assumptions we're (all) making about the relationship here, it looks like we're going to have to agree to disagree. I think fear is an awful way to motivate people when compassion can be just as effective, I think words like "deserve" and "right" are horribly misunderstood and inappropriate, and I think the dude totally disrespected the family with what I see as a petty and immature attack made purely out of spite - yes, even if she had treated him appallingly. I just would never do that to someone: it was cruel, and that's enough to tell me it was wrong.

There's no reason to be a drama queen like this, and it's even more asinine to pull this shit in public.

It wasn't in public, it was with 3 other people.

What if someone were to disrespect you? Not in that stupid [shouting at you across the street calling you a silly-haired potato] but doing something horribly disrespectful, perhaps racially disrespecting you (if that's what sets you off)? Would you not want to snap back?

Sometimes fear and punishment are the only ways to positively motivate people. If your little kid is throwing a tantrum in the supermarket because you're not buying that pack of cookies, you don't go and buy the cookies. You tell him to shut up. You don't try to reason with him because somehow reason will penetrate that fog of childish desire, you tell him to stop in a commanding and intimidating voice.

Silly-haired potato! lol. Sure, I'd *want* to fire back, but no situation was ever improved by answering insult with insult. What I'm looking for is a toehold into empathy, from which follows compassion - that's the way we're improved, I think. And no, I'm not going to intimidate my kid because she embarrasses me, nor am I arguing that buying the cookies constitutes positive reinforcement. If she's too young for reason I'll be trying distraction and affection long before I'm trying to scare her into obedience. Do unto others, and all that.

I'm not saying "scare" as in "beat her with a belt when you get home" or even a spanking. For a six year old, not buying cookies=[parent] doesn't love me. It's not even that she is embarrassing you, it's that she's feeling an entitlement to something that she shouldn't and so should be firmly and absolutely told that there is no entitlement. Even using the cookies as an incentive to shut up isn't good because it's making her feel like she deserves them if she behaves, but it's the misbehavior that we're trying to fix. If you give her the cookies when she quiets down, she's gonna learn to make a fuss to get your attention then settle down to get what she wants. Bringing this back to the original topic of cheating fiance, after she cheated you owed her absolutely nothing. She is no longer entitled to you nor you to her and that has to be made absolutely clear in the most driving way possible. You throw a tantrum, you don't get what you want, that's a consequence. [continued]

You cheat, you get exposed for who you really are. That's a consequence. You argue that as a parent you would try and comfort her and get her to realize the consequences of her actions. She's an adult. She already realizes the consequences because of what the ex-BF did. Going back to a previous point of mine, I would even venture to say you're not fulfilling the responsibilities of parenthood by trying to comfort your child because that's blocking some of the emotional impacts of the consequence from taking effect.