You are on the way to home at night and you see this

I awkwardly sprint in the other direction with tears streaming down my closed eyes.

"whoo" is that supposed to be?

"Well at least I don't have to pay for college"

Freak the fuck out but then remember that I'm a proud Texan and own a gun, pop that bitch and run

Well now we know how an owl wears pants

FINALLY! That Hogwarts letter was taking FOREVER!

Scream "I'm out" and jump on the hell no train to fuckthatshit ville.

I would question if it's Halloween and I just forgot, which would proceed to make me question what month it actually is. Which would make me question how much I've forgotten, and I would try to force myself to remember the months I've forgotten. By the time I remember it is in fact not October, I would have already bumped into the big Owl Man and would face the consequences.

Make it rain bullets and use my boom stick

This from "you're next"?

Well he's obviously not from around here so the polite thing to do would be to ask if he's alright/lost and would he like some help/directions. I mean he must be wearing a costume or be able to turn himself into a more human shape because of the clothes he's wearing. Those finger/claws would not be able to fit through his sleeves, let alone button up his shirt or pants and those shoes are tied with small round laces. There is no way he/she/it put on those clothes with those hands.

Seems like it would be an amazing creepy pasta, someone do it