Okay. *pulls out brief case and opens* these are all of the known files on refrigerator enthusiasts. Eduard Von Bock. 23 years old. Estonian. He is a wealthy collector of fine refrigerators, and inherited a great number of his collection from his grandmother.
*pulls out another file* Vash Zwingli. 19 years. Swiss. Known smuggler of refrigerators. Him and his partner in crime, Lilli Vogel, (15 years, Lichtenstein) have been operating out of an old cheese factory in Geneva. I say we target there first. You game?
*gets in fridge* if we turn this temperature dial just... So... AHA! WE'RE GOING TO SWIZTERLAND! Get in, dr.ew. Hold onto your Swiss Army knives, we're coming your way fast.
*helicopter blades whirring* -a young man in a suit with glasses on his face is holding onto a rope. The rope ladder lowers down from the helicopter.- "The merchandise!", he yells, and takes out a small but dangerous gun. "We are both armed. Tell me what happened to the refrigerators and nobody gets hurt."
That's Eduard Von Bock. He is a collector of fine refrigerators. *takes out spaghetti gun* I hate you refrigerator enthusiasts for what you have done. My life hasn't been the same since you took the lives of my parents!
" You think I can be disposed of that easily?" Von Bock said. "I am prepared for people like you. People who get in between me and my refrigerators."
Silvermyth narrowed her eyes. In front of her was one of the kind that she had hunted for years. She wasn't going to give up this chance to avenge her parents. *shoots spaghetti gun*
* throws Parmesan cheese on dr. Ew* Now, to take care of this crook. But alas, while the two funsubsters were playing with Italian food, the evil Estonian had escaped with several refrigerators.
You don't need money when you have EVIL!
*throws jars of evil at everyone in restaurant, leaving them all asleep and ugly*
Here's some seats *pulls up chair*
And I will have the cheese stuff that I can't pronounce. Thank you waiter
*waiter is knocked out*
Hmmm... I think it's an all you can at buffet tonight
ThEy emerged from their fridge, and looked around to see castle-like buildings. " alright. Von Bock's home is in the bay of Finland, so I say we head over there.
*points to mansion overhanging cliffs* There. We disguise our selves, say that we have valuable fridges to sell; then, we pretend to be hesitant upon sells it. We ask for time to consider his offer. We tour his fridge gallery, and we look for a hidden room with all of the stolen fridges. Look for something suspicious; discolor end wood or tiles, an extra thermostat, anything. We find the room, plant this * holds up small but powerful bomb* and then we get the hell out. Here is the rare fridge. You game?
Ok!
*enters room*
Hi I'm Dr. Ew and this is Silvermyth and we are here to kill you, now bend over and take it like a man
*turns back* how was that for an opening?
But not before putting on sunglasses. " Alright." Silvermyth pointed to a helicopter waiting on the edge of the cliff." That's our ride. Help me carry the fridge guy,".
He built himself a mansion in the north of Siberia. Hard to access. He also has two bears guarding the place. I say we sneak in through the top. The astromony tower has a door leading to the house. All we have to do is get the passcode, which is likely 007.
It's not just any pipe. It's made of depleted uranium and coated in graphemes. It's just about indestructible. Anyway, we need to destroy the fridges. I hear they are fille deity vodka, might want to keep that,
Pretty good. There is something off about these sunflowers... *sniffs flowers* yep. Poison. And rigged to a trap. This whole greenhouse is a torture chamber.
Hmm, and a copy of "how to kill a man with a grape and his own mustache by Ludwig Beilschimdt. It's in Russian though. Also... Wait, is that the Idol of Boreas? And a few hundred dollars worth in rubles.
Actually, it's Russian, which I have never actually studied but my mom speaks it so I can pick out a few words. Anyway, the book keeps mentioning the sun.
Right, see that tower over there? It's part of their home. That tower has the keys to their fridges, which are actually stored in Amsterdam. But first, lets get some gear.
*pulls out another file* Vash Zwingli. 19 years. Swiss. Known smuggler of refrigerators. Him and his partner in crime, Lilli Vogel, (15 years, Lichtenstein) have been operating out of an old cheese factory in Geneva. I say we target there first. You game?
*lands in Switzerland*
It worked!
*cheese factory explodes*
Done
I love this new Michael Bay gun I invented!
Silvermyth narrowed her eyes. In front of her was one of the kind that she had hunted for years. She wasn't going to give up this chance to avenge her parents. *shoots spaghetti gun*
I can help :3
Oh yeah, and what's his name got away too
*throws jars of evil at everyone in restaurant, leaving them all asleep and ugly*
Here's some seats *pulls up chair*
*waiter is knocked out*
Hmmm... I think it's an all you can at buffet tonight
I FOUND THE CHEESE ROOM!
*lights a fire and melts all the cheese into my mouth*
We need something to dip into this. Any ideas?
*pulls out marshmallows*
Mmmmmmm. Hey, weren't we on a mission or something?
*stuffs more cheesy marshmallows into my face*
Well, we need to go *pours liquid evil into the cheese, turning it into a monster*
Let's head out
Where is he?
I'd say I'm halfway there!
*enters room*
Hi I'm Dr. Ew and this is Silvermyth and we are here to kill you, now bend over and take it like a man
*turns back* how was that for an opening?
Isn't questing with me fun?
Well, does this mean our mission is done?
*hops into teleporter fridge*
*lands in russia*
*charges towards the mansion*
Gimme your shit Ivan von whogivesafuck!
I thought you'd never ask
*pours into vodka*
Now drink up!
*forces him to drink it and kills him*
How did I do?
*runs through all the traps and somehow lives*
How was that?
*goes through his pockets*
Check it out! I found a treasure map for a lost idol!
A map to the golden fridge!
*tears up map and burns it*
And it's not like the billions of dollars in the fridge ever meant anything to us
BTW, what happened to that guys bears?
*Is eaten by a bear*
Oh that's what
*one bearskin rug later*
No dark souls as far as I can tell.
So what gear do we need?