Very very true. But science tells us positive reinforcement is more effective than punishment. Rewarding them for the good is more effective than punishing the bad no matter how small
I've never had to yell at or punish my son. I've certainly wanted to at times, but a child's "bad behaviour" isn't because they want to be bad - they're just trying to cope in their environment with the limited skills they have. Instead, each instance of misbehaviour is an opportunity for growth and learning if you try to understand the child's motives and reasoning.
And then there's blatant disregard of rules they understand. I once slapped my younger brother so hard my dad came up and slapped me right after because my brother tried to pocket a candy bar when he was seven. Definitely old enough to understand you don't fucking steal.
EDIT: this was from a grocery store. I couldn't give a shit if it was from the household candy bag.
Disregard of rules is not "kids being kids" it's because they were reinforced for doing so. If you had not slapped your brother he would have been rewarded for stealing. Even if dad punished him later the initial reward matters more. And punishment is only effective if it occurs right at the time of behavior therefore punishment after the fact doesn't really make a difference not my opinion just the science if operant conditioning
Hitting a child doesn't teach them not to steal, it just teaches them not to get caught stealing. To actually change their behaviour it's best to try to understand why they're acting that way. Maybe they just want candy, and if you know that then you can have a conversation about whether you're going to buy the candy or not. Maybe you bargain with them and say that instead of buying them candy, you'll make cookies when you get home. Talking it out is always better than punishment, and you'll raise more conscientious, self-aware, emotionally mature kids.
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· 7 years ago
Unicycle is right, my parents would punish me for little things (like accidentally missing 3 homework assignments that don't count towards my grade) so I stopped talking to my parents about stuff like that because I developed the "If you do it, don't get caught" mentality. So, in places where my parents could've helped me with raising my grade and such, I didn't ask for help when I needed it because I didn't feel like I could talk to them without getting punished. My parents try to say "you can always talk to us", but I can't trust that anymore because the first thing they go to is a punishment
There's a difference between "talk to us if you need help" and "don't be a dipshit". Stealing is being a dipshit. You don't need the candy, you got six of the exact same bars at home in your candy bag. Missing homework isn't "I don't understand and I missed the deadline", it's "don't be a dipshit and get your ass straight". Calling your parents because you recognize you're too drunk to drive (or if you drank at all) is "talk to us if you need help".
There is a difference of when a child is struggling to handle something and misbehaving. Children will push their boundaries it's the parents job to set those boundaries and then enforce them. Children will purposely do something they know is wrong because they can or because they think its fun or they're just being contrary. The parent being the adult needs to decide when the child is struggling through ignorance and just being a little brat and then act accordingly. However, just assuming a child is struggling every time they act out or misbehave is naive and will only lead to that child having behavior problems later in life. I do strongly believe that you should never punish a child while angry or aggravated. It should always, always, always be a rational and logical decision born through adequate thought. Stop, separate/isolate, cool down, then explain the punishment what it will be and what it's for.
EDIT: this was from a grocery store. I couldn't give a shit if it was from the household candy bag.