Rolling a joint

I can be a medical doctor

Buddy, I don't trust you with surgery equipment.

Why not? I have a degree!
*shows you a medical license that I printed from a website, watermark still attatched*

Ah yes. And I'm a major in psychology because I look stuff up on the internet.

Now that's just plain silly
*pulls out saw*
Now who needs some doctoring?

RichARD NO.

THIS GUY DOES!
*drags a guy behind a dumpster and operates*

I can see the headline now.
"Man gets brutally murdered by sketchy doctor."

He's fiiiiiiiine
*Is holding his heart*

Dude, you're literally holding his heart. Which you took out with a hacksaw, and without putting him into stasis first.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh
Are you a doctor? Do YOU understand how to save a man's life from his heart which clearly has cancer? I didn't think so!
*hearts clearly does not have cancer*

Do you even know what cancer looks like? I didn't think do.

Yeah, I know very obviously that cancer looks like a crab

Are you fucking kidding me.

No I am not. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got more operations to attend to

You didn't even dispose of the body.

That's because they'll never find me!
*throws down a smoke bomb and disappears*

I can still see you around the corner.

Your arm is sticking out.

*arm falls off revealing that I cut my arm off just to distract you*

That's gonna get infected.

I'm a doctor, I can fix it

How are you not already dead.
You cut open a major vein.

I'm a good doctor when it comes to myself. It's other people that are weird

Humans do have difficult biology...

I've experimented on myself enough to know the ins and outs of everything that had to do with me
Plus (in some of my different stories) I've biologically upgraded myself to the point where everything is simple and easy to understand, while being much different than a normal human bean