Opposite day is a paradox

Im mad my mom wont let me use forks

I can't see my forehead

There was supposed to be a metro shower tonight but I haven't seen a single metor.

I can't make my right hand touch my right elbow -.-

My friend at a scout camp snapped 2 planks of my bunk bed by jumping on it just enough to make it curve a little but not fully collapse. and at 1 am i was trying to grab water and i scooted over to get down and the fricken bed collapsed and everyone woke up and laughed at me.

It can never be opposite day since nothing can be completely opposite.

Why do people say "pros & cons"? What are those words short for? Why isn't it "positives and negatives"? Also, why is product not the opposite of conduct? *English*

my mind went blank for second