Meet the tree that was there 4,000 years before Jesus

I don’t believe Jesus was the son of God, or that he had any crazy magical powers, but I can still recognize that he was a very real person.

He was taught the powers of quantum manipulation by aliens from andromeda so humans would have another strong religion on the planet knowing that somehow there being one more major religion would cause humans to have enough extra conflict to stunt their technological advancement to the point of reaching extra terrestrial colonization more than a century later than predicted so they'd have time to prepare the rest of the universe for our arrival on the intergalactic scale.

Spoiler alert: It's not going to help them.

Once humans reach the intergalactic scale there will be never ending war across the cosmos

Glorious Ragnarök!

Do aliens get into Valhalla or do they have their own place for those who die the good death?

Hell if I know

Only the aliens who know about Valhalla get in. Tryggvi the alien, who pushed me into the Baltic Sea in 846, died in battle and went to Valhalla. He told me that he didn’t see any of his kind there, and that many of them would have died in battle Never did understand why he stuck around after crash landing in Viksfjord by Kaupang. I guess he liked Thor.

Then where the hell do they go? Alienhalla? Alienhiem? Folkalien?

I asked him and he just stabbed a sack of grain and said that he didn’t want to talk about it. Either it’s an embarrassing afterlife or just sad.

Eternally making origami penises.

Both

I must find a way to get ahold of these origami penises so I can drop them from the sky above every major city in the world. Think of the drama. Think of the talk. It would be a topic of confusion for decades.