Idk I'm straight and I skillfully combine almost everything she mentions : I sleep on an inflatable mattress in my decorated appartment. Only thing I lack is the PS4.
I’d largely agree. Her tone and angle needs shifted. I also agree alone they don’t tell you about a person, but they do give indications, and with other info they can tell you a lot. Notice she mentions a bare mattress? 4-8 hours a day most people spend in bed. Dirt, sweat, drool, dead skin, and other fluids are left behind. Like dating a person who doesn’t shower or change clothes, a bare mattress is not a hygienic mattress. It tells you that whatever their priorities are, the time to dress and occasionally wash a mattress is too much for them. Even ok mattresses tend to cost a bit, it shows you they aren’t too concerned about protecting that investment. Obviously this woman cares that her home is a clean, comfortable space she enjoys. She wants to be surrounded by beauty, not opulence, she isn’t demanding crystal toilets, just sheets on a bed. That said- habits change. It’s easier to teach a good man to take some pride in his home or bed than turn a superficial bad man to a good one.
Maybe, but why does it matter if a girl is in love with a man like that? I really don't see how it somehow isn't dignified enough to be with someone who only has a mattress and a ps. Sure she can have the standards she wants in a man and that's alright but just the fact that she is more hygienic and organized doesn't make her a better or a more deserving person.
It doesn’t necessarily make her better. What does make anyone better, if anyone actually can be better than someone else? But let’s not get selective. She did specify- bare mattress, not a mattress. If you were dating someone who wore the same underwear and clothes every day for 5-10 years without washing them, would you just silently deal with that? You may not dump them, she never said to dump anyone, but you might ask them to maybe... wash their clothes no? Is it because you think you’re better than them because you don’t stink and you have different clothes for each day of the week, or is it because you don’t want to live with that, live like that? If you knew someone who didn’t wash their clothes for 5 years, would you perhaps assume that other areas of their hygiene and life might not be up to spec if they can’t even be bothered to do laundry on occasion?
But in the end none of that matters; let her be with a slob if that's what she wants, it doesn't make her any less dignified. Love doesn't always care about things like hygiene.
Perhaps. But love isn’t by its nature dignified either. The two are unrelated concepts that intertwine. For instance, one can sacrifice dignity for love, or find it because of love, but dignity is ones self respect. True dignity is a measure of self love. How can you expect a mature person to truly love you if they can’t even love themselves? Hygiene isn’t just about looking or smelling good- it’s a measure of self care. If you love a person, you want them to care for themselves. You want to care for them. You want them to be healthy and well. So regardless of what one thinks about wether love and dignity are related, the practical truth is, one without dignity will hurt one with dignity, even if they hurt that person by hurting themselves. Love by its nature is caring about a person, that means caring what they think of you too. That means caring for yourself to save them worry and trouble providing care where you are capable but unwilling.
If they won’t care for themselves, and you decide to stay and provide basic care they could do, or enable them to not care for themselves, it is disfuncfiinal. You are hurting yourself and them. You can’t force them to love themselves, and if you stay, you’ll have to watch the person you love mistreat themselves. You wouldn’t tolerate or want to see anyone else mistreating them, so why is it different when they do it to themselves? You can try to help them if they genuinely want to change, but you can’t force them to change and if you really love them, you can’t watch them self harm willfully and unrepentantly.
There are several replies involving your mother, and her excellent technique being able to sillence me (from her vast experience you see,) but I will make none of them. I don’t want to be crude or insulting as one might perceive your comment, and it isn’t constructive. Do I ever shut up? I’m certain I must. Although, I do ask you this- if one were in the comments on a text based medium, where the entire existence of the thing was reliant on text and the sharing of ideas- if people would “shut the f@ck up,” there really wouldn’t be much going on here would there? If that is what you enjoy though, blank pages, this may not be a good place for you. Something you might like that fits your request, go open a notepad doc on your computer. Wow. Not you only have to worry about what you type. Yay. I’m a problem solver. Anyway, glad we had this chat. See you around, love and kisses. Can’t wait for our next chat. You are a witty and intelligent conversationalist and I enjoyed this alot
Lesbian here, honestly people shouldn’t give a shit about furniture and such. Most of us don’t have money for luxuries. We’ll all die some day anyway. Just love people for who they are, not their wealth.
I agree 100%. I do want to point out though that she mentions a bare mattress. With exception to the absolute poorest- in the developed world, budgeting for and washing a fitted sheet is something that can be budgeted for. I don’t actually think it’s about the money, but about the fact that even if you’re poor you can be responsible, have discipline. You’re too poor for sheets, but you can’t protect a mattress that costs much more and you’ll use every night for years? Maybe. But at some point there’s a line to be drawn. It’s more likely they simply are a slob. So it’s less about money and more about taking care of what you have and at least trying to make the best of your surroundings. It’s about having some sort of style, even if it’s bare and industrial, to show effort, to show you care how you live even if you aren’t rich. Functional can be an aesthetic.
I think that withot considering the specifics, the point is obfuscated. I am obfuscating the point you want to make, not the point of the statement. If someone says: “You shouldn’t continue to date people who refuse to be responsible enough to pay their debts” and you want to interpret it is: “don’t date people who can’t pay their bills” the point is dramatically altered. In one statement I am saying that they have the means to pay bills, but not the desire or responsibility. You shouldn’t put up with a person who won’t put any effort in to their life. In the second statement, it is saying that you shouldn’t date someone who doesn’t have money. The two are different. If one is broke but works hard they have the tools to succeed and with opportunity will. If someone is broke and refuses to work, Who wants a partner that they have to do all the work on a goal? You cant to pretend words don’t exist in the statement because they are inconvenient your point.
She lays out in the opening that she is talking to ladies with specific wants and goals. Who obvious enjoy certain things and want to build a certain life and home. A partner in anything, including a romantic partner needs to have at least compatible if not the same goals as you, and should be putting in equal work to get you both towards those goals. Their life goals are not a: <TRIGGER WARNING> bare mattress <END WARNING> and video games. So by nature those two goals aren’t aligned. It’s not fair to either partner if neither wishes to live in the others way, to live together one will need to change. You can try and force people to change, but hopefully we agree that is generally not right. If they wanted to change, perhaps with help and after discussions, they will, butbif that’s the way they choose to live and it is not what you want to come home to, how is it wrong to ask for a partner who shares your priorities? Wouldn’t the guy in the examplelikely be happier someone like him?
Video games are art, she may not appreciate it in the same way as she does vintage furniture or wall hangings, but it is still art all the same. She makes a good point in that if a person is so passionate about a thing that their entire life seems to be structured about it, to the expense of other responsibilities and care, they are likely not a good match with someone who lacks that level of passion for a thing. But- what she is describing is called “basic.” Reproduction wall prints hung in every room, wicker baskets that have no purpose, or contain small thatched balls or other useless items, “vintage” furniture, a cost plus world market brochure come to life? Sounds like she has generic style, and that’s ok as long as she doesn’t shame others for not also being basic. That said- the guy she describes likely does need to grow up a little and attend to basic hygiene.
Y’all out here bashing fat chicks but as soon as someone says step up your game and don’t settle for a dude who doesn’t own a bed frame, it’s all “what about the personality”.
Nah what about his self-respect?
If you have an issue with what people say call it out on the post in question, not on another unrelated ones.
Most " fat bashing " on this site is just shutting down the whole " healthy at every size " shit, not poking fun at overweight people.
Pretentious ass. “A modicum” not “some modicum”. Modicum is singular. People should explore language but probably not best to do when trying to appear witty or cutting.
Nah what about his self-respect?
Most " fat bashing " on this site is just shutting down the whole " healthy at every size " shit, not poking fun at overweight people.